9.08.2010

Anniversary

I've gotten emails that I didn't blog about my anniversary, this means two things:
People are reading my blog!
You are all obsessed with me. (Fair enough.)

Jared. I can barely say his name without sighing. Ask my family, friends, co-workers - it's got to be sickening.

I didn't believe in fairy tale romances or "sweep you off your feet" love. Period. I thought that love and marriage were practical, and nice, and that if people approached marriage more like a steady partnership and less like they were going to live happily ever after we would all be better off. Falling deeply in love and getting butterflies every time you cuddle was a myth and it was best if everyone could just accept this and find a suitable life mate with similar interests.

This is the only time in my life that I was ecstatic to be wrong! Well, that and when I found out you COULD drink coffee when you were pregnant!


I can't believe that after only four years together we have gone through and accomplished so much. I remember us on a spontaneous trip to the Keys with our friends, frolicking carefree through our sand flea infested campsite and talking about how one day we would get married and never have kids ( what a drag!) and travel the world.

And now here we are :) I know when we're both sitting on the couch watching our beautiful children do ridiculous things that no amount of free-time or Italian travels could possibly compare with all the fun, and all the love, right there in our front room.

And, despite my suspicion that true love was a trap to get people to buy Valentine's Day Cards - unobtainable, imaginary, story book fodder, romance novel nonsense- I find myself swelling with love when I sign my last name the same as his and think to myself with a Cinderella sigh, "I'm going to live happily ever after."

Happy Anniversary, Jar!!!

9.07.2010

School!

I wasn't ready to talk about Dylan's first days of school initially as I wanted to be 100% sure that it was the right thing to do. I was hovering in the 90th percentile for the better part of 2010, but I didn't want to give it a real review until I was certain that it was, or was not, the right thing for Dylan.

I am very happy to say that this was absolutely the right choice for our boy!

This is his third week and honestly, after day one I was a believer! He gave his teachers high-fives when I picked him up, sat cross-legged while eating a snack at my parents house and responded to a direct question, all within twenty minutes of him being released for the day! We were all blown away!

Day two we were equally impressed to see how well he had already adjusted to Big Boy World. I knew he was amazing, but I didn't know that he would be able to hold hands with his classmates and walk in line, or tolerate the loud bells and busses as he walked toward me for pick up.

The second week of school held the biggest challenge that I have faced not just as a mother, but as a human...even more panic inducing than realizing that bikini season was around the corner or that Cinderella was going back into the Disney Vault before I could buy it - I had to put him on THE SCHOOL BUS.

How could you put him on a bus? He's only three! You know he's not verbal right? What if he gets off at the wrong stop - I mean, if Lylli got off at the wrong stop it would be a celebration, but this is DYLAN we're talking about here! This is your good kid! What if he's totally terrified of the noises? What if the other kids are bullies? What if they don't see him because he leaned over and they park the bus in 114 degree heat and he can't get to his juice because he's not very good at opening his lunch box and then when someone finds him dehydrated in the afternoon no one knows what to do with him because he couldn't tell them who he was and that was the last you saw of your boy!!??

That's a brief snapshot of what ran through my head 24-7 for about a month before this transition which is why I would cry hysterically watching Finding Nemo or every "Back to School!" sign I saw at Target.

Have no fear though, we, of course, did not send our non-verbal angel off to school in the school bus from hell that my mom-brain was conjuring, we sent him off on an amazing bus which picks him up and drops him off at the front door of my parent's place! A bus that has car seats and only five or six other riders, all of which are also autistic and in Dylan's school group! I have personally watched the bus driver, and bus aide unload these children (none of them much bigger than their backpack!) directly into the arms of their teachers and teachers aides, where they all sit and wait for the car riders until school starts.

And of course, like everything else with Dylan, he completely surpassed all of my expectations. The first day I came to work late so that I could get him on the bus safely and know that he was okay, and I was very pleased! The bus driver is a nice ol' grandma, and after I hugged and kissed my boy and told him to have an amazing day, he did something that he's never done. He waved at me (not that unusual) but also said, "bye, bye, mooooom!"

Faint.

I almost fainted off of a bus. Just like in high school when I gave blood on the BloodMobile.

I held it together long enough to tell Lylli bye and ignore my mom's face which was nearly about to explode with tears, hopped in my car and cried, cried, cried. I was so proud! I was so excited! I was so...not prepared for any of this!

As I wiped the tears from my eyes I pulled up to the light and the car in front of me switched lanes. I didn't even notice at first, but then realized with excitement that shouldn't come from a grown woman that I was right behind his bus! I wanted to honk! I wanted to blow kisses and scream that my amazing kid was on there JUST LIKE A "NORMAL" KID! I knew I had enough time to jump into the emergency exit and give him one last hug! But then I saw him sitting there as content and happy as ever reading his school bus book and took a deep breath.

We made the right choices and we did the right things for him. We prepped and we stressed and struggled and celebrated with him every day, and because of that he was going to school and it was going to be awesome for him.

I love being right. ;)

-KelStar

8.03.2010

Registered!

Our favorite little monkey is officially registered for his ASD Pre-K Program!! It seems so much more real ( and exciting!) now that he has a student number and a file with his name on it at his elementary school.

I walked out in tears thinking, "This is it, your baby is going to school. Every four hour appointment you've taken him to is totally worth it right now. He's going to rock at this."

And I know he will. He's going to love playing with other kids! His teacher and the other students are going to teach him things and draw parts out of him that his family can't - something Jared and I are really looking forward to.

Seeing the huge steps he's taken with therapy alone has been so encouraging, I'm really excited to see what milestones he crosses after being around other children all day. I can't wait until he comes home swearing :) A parents' dream!

Orientation is the 23rd and I'm as excited to have him meet as teacher as I used to be about "no cover until midnight" flyers!

High-five, Dylan. You've got the best support system in the world and the most amazing personality - you're a rockstar and this is going to be a blast!!

A very happy Kel*Star signing off.

8.01.2010

To Jared, on his 30th (gasp!) Birthday!

30 reasons I love you despite your...condition. (Dinosaurism)

1. You're WAY cooler than any 18 year olds I know.
2. You rock polo shirts and don't look like a South Tampa troll.
3. You can retire in only 30 years and I can collect some of that sweet money eventually!
4. Dat booty.
5. While you can't change a diaper for anything, you're good with blood. We're a good tag team.
6. You kill spiders. <3
7. You ALWAYS push the double stroller whenever there's a slight incline.
8. You introduced me to Pavement, Bright Eyes, and Superchunk.
9. You got me to watch Alien. And Aliens. I don't know why I thought they would be so scary.
10. I got you to eat sushi. You are infinitely more cultured for of this.
11. You light up when Dylan says a new word or does something out of the ordinary. It melts me to see how proud you are of our little man.
12. You are wrapped around Lylli's finger when she's being her terribly adorable self. It's funny.
13. You never roll your eyes when I refuse to do something becuase, "I'm a princess."
14. You always notice new clothes and new haircuts.
15. You never comment on what my hair looks like before the flat iron attacks it.
16. You'll eat cookies and milk for dinner with me when it's been that kind of day.
17. You'll rub my feeties every night if I need it.
18. You have the world's best scruff.
19. You shave off the world's best scruff, despite how rugged and handsome you look, because it's prickly and tickly and makes me avoid your kisses like the plague. ;)
20. You held my hand the entire visit to Dylan's school and told me the whole way home that he was going to be fine.
21. You taught me to drive stick...I would never go back!
22. You make me and the minis Big Breakfast every weekend.
23. You are, hands down, the most charming person I've ever met. It's dangerous.
24. You can quote IASIP with me all day and never miss a beat.
25. You get my jokes. Always. And you think they're funny!
26. You taught me to love summer and Shark Week.
27. You still open doors for me.
28. You would fight someone to death for me..probably even if I was wrong.
29. You instantly believe the explination for most things is: ghosts, hauntings, aliens, Bermuda Triangle.
30. You're an amazing husband and an incredible father - you never let us down.

I love you big bad inspite of your creaking joints and inability to get off of the couch without making an "oof!" noise.

No worries, I'll keep you fresh with my eternal youth. I love you very much, birthday boy!

May the next 365 days be the best you've ever had.

One love. Zip it up and zip it out,
Kel

6.14.2010

Boxers or Briefs? Or Do I Put a Tarp Down in the House?

You know the fun thing about potty training a little boy? He gets to wear adorable little boy undies with cars on them!

The end.

That and you're giving him life skills or whatever.

My mom (who managed to potty train three kids) has this on lock, but I'm still learning. She gets him to pee pee in the potty a couple of times a day and I get him to sit on the potty for a couple of minutes with no such reward, but still, progress! I remember a time when asking Dylan to sit down was like asking Jared to get all the things on the grocery list: Impossible and frustrating because they didn't yet have those skills.

Just getting him to sit and not scream or want to get up immediately is huge for us, and that he's actually making potty progress blows me away!

I don't think he really gets what we're doing, but with Dyl is a slow process with near perfect results. Once the boy gets something, he really, really gets it and doesn't mess it up. His probably the best teeth brusher I've ever seen, and when he understands how to say a word, he says it like a grown up.

That being said, wish our whole family luck because if it ever takes a village to do anything, that something is potty training a Dylan :)

Ooh, sidebar! Jared went on a small grocery trip last night and got EVERYTHING on the list, including wet wipes (baby things are mysterious to him, he may have come back with Clorox wipes, you can never tell,) which means that even a Jare Bear can learn! I'll keep you posted on how many things in our house are ruined by urine or Jared's inattention to detail until we get this under control!

-KelStar
(Love you Jared. You're a good shopper. Sometimes. If the list is only five things. And none of those things are for me or the kids. <3)

6.10.2010

#6. The Change of Life. Literally.

#6. What things did you give up when you became a mom that you really miss?

My rock hard abs and spontaneous trips with Jared and company. End transmission.

Possibly the biggest surprise for me about becoming "Mom" was how little things changed. I'm still me, I still do the same things that I have always done - everything just takes a little more planning and I have a permanent accessory which I get to dress however I want. I'm the Paris Hilton of working mothers.

I was terrified when I was pregnant with Dylan that I would never be able to go on a date with Jared or catch a movie with my girlfriends ever again, but in reality, not only do I still get to do all of those things, but now it means so much more to me. We don't just meet up like back in the day, we go out of our way to plan a fun night and we all care about being there. It's a very warm feeling to have to plan a get-together, actually.

My mom and dad are saints and watch both babies one night a month for us. Overnight. The whole shebang. That night Jared and I get off of work and pack so much fun into one night it'll make a college kid look as lame as YOUR parents, and then we sleep in, eat at Cracker Barrel (reppin' the hashbrown casserole, you feel me?) pick up the kids and enjoy our lives as Mommy and Daddy :)

Now that the kids (I'm looking at you, Lyl) are sleep trained, there is a whole new galaxy of possibilities! I get to hang out with my girlfriends about once a month, I can go and get haircuts that I don't have to squeeze into my lunch hour... I can eat my food while it's still hot. LUXURY, PEOPLE!!

In closing, spontaneity only exist for me if we randomly decide to order pizza instead of sushi but my abs are nearly back to their former glory. Nothing has changed, really, but everything is better.

-MomStar

6.07.2010

More Sweet Tea, Please!

Lately, more than ever, I am obsessed with being one of those old couple who wears matching fanny packs and holds hands while they sit on a bench swing on their front patio. I'm loving my life slowed down to a pace that I don't think my generation even understands. I'm still coming to terms with the idea of relaxing and enjoying life with no strings attached.

I am having a blast being a twenty something wife/mom/precision instrument of speed and aerodynamics, but I am going to be pretty much perfect at having grandkids and going to bed at 7:30.

I have been making an effort to sloooow it down and not succumb to the constant pressure in my world and just chill and get back to basics. It's totally working. I hope I can remain this calm for the rest of my life because surprise, surprise, it feels good to just BE. I stopped checking my email from home constantly, stopped caring if people get pissed if I don't update my facebook status, and stopped worrying that people assumed I am the worst mother EVER if Lylli has a fit in the store or calls someone's little boy a puppy or if Dylan has a meltdown that I can't get him to come down from for a moment.

My new attitude of being slow like honey is serving me well, I can literally feel a sense of peace with each new task I tackle, and I'm liking the way it feels to be a little less connected to my phone/computer and a LOT more connected with my babies, my sexbomb husband, my wonderful friends and family, and perhaps most importantly, my good, ol' fashioned, southern inspired home cookin'.

-Kel

6.03.2010

It's Just Work

Today in a conversation with my boss I said, "I am so blessed, that's why I want to help people so much. If I could have handpicked children I wouldn't have found any better than Dylan or Lylli...and I DID handpick Jared...so that's why I want to give back so much - I have it really good!"

This came up during a meeting which started out with me professionally sharing my workplace struggles and challenges(i.e, complaining, complaining, complaining.) We both decided that the things that matter to us are the things that really matter, and getting bent out of shape about scheduling software and personality differences in the office are not worth the stress.

Now, my brain knows this to be true, but sometimes I don't listen to my brain, and that's why I frequently forget to lock the car or put the milk away, so it was good for me to talk this out with someone I respect and to be encouraged to free the unnecessary stress.

I'm really going to try. It's just work. I don't know how the owner would feel if I put that in my email signature, but that little reminder would really help!

Here's to being deliberately aware of how much God has blessed me and my beautiful family and doing a bang up job without losing my mind,
KelStar

5.08.2010

Mother's Day - My Mom Owns It

"World's Best Mom!" A phrase found so often in the cluttered Mother's Day aisles at Wal Mart, an overused exclimation, but in my case, it's actually true: I sincerely have the World's Best Mom.

I loved my mom before I had words, and I know this not becuase I rememeber being 15 months and coloring with a bucket on my head with her, but becuase I have pictures of me ooing and ahhing over her before I could do much else. I remember watching her put on mascara and perfume and wanting to be that kind of "grown up" when I did, indeed, grow up. I was never amazed that she made every holiday special or every gift thoughtful or every cookie and southern baptist fried piece of heaven out of this world - she made it look so easy! I was never surprised that she juggled all of our lives and made it to every field trip and PTA meeting. It didn't occur to me that this was a talent, and a labor of love, until I myself became a mom.

My mom taught me everything I know about crappy 80s movies and french braiding. All of my baking skills come from her, but I won't blame her for what a bad cook I am. Bless her heart she tried to teach me! Most importantly, she taught me unconditional love, a trait that has come in handy raising Lyl!

I valued her opinion and loved her sense of humor always, even when I was convinced that she didn't have a clue about things like slap bracelets and my desperate need to wear doc martins with baby doll dresses ( I know, she was lame, right?.) The older I got, the more I needed her to make me home cooked meals and watch reruns of Fresh Prince with me.

Since I entered Club Mom she's been invaluable. She cares about my kids as much as I do, which I thought was impossible. She's as good with them as I am, which never annoys me - I'm so, so blessed. I want the best for my minis and I have it. My mom watches my monsters for me from 6:30 AM to 5:30 PM so that I can work a fulltime job to do stuff like pay bills and make sure they have food to eat, and I've never seen her break a sweat, lose her temper, or be at a loss for what to do next. She's just the best.

When I can't figure out something with Dylan or Lylli, I can always call, and she always knows. It's magic. "I'll bet it's because Lylli's evil," she'll say, and I know that she's speaking the truth :)

I hope that one day Dylan and Lylli will grow up and think of me the way I think of my mom, and I think that's the best compliment I can give.

On a sour not, she doesn't like IKEA, and sometimes I'm not sure a relationship can move past such a HUGE barrier.

Happy Mother's Day to The Best Mom in the World. ::I'm toasting her with sweet tea in my head::

Love,
Kelli
(Princess MooMoo)

4.10.2010

Numbers

Dylan has been a little off kilter lately. We've had a much too busy month full of appointments, therapy sessions, and doctor visits, and quite honestly, if I'M burned out and I'm awesome Kelli, I know my little trooper has been a little over scheduled himself.

Before he can start his pre-k classes, he had to finish up his last round of evaluations, so we've been stretched pretty thin. Thankfully, we knocked them all out now, and we're re cooperating from the March/April busy season.

That being said, he's been a little more sensitive and a lot more "autistic" this past week. He's been more interested in repetitive behavior than imaginative play and more withdrawn than usual. I made a conscious effort to get Lylli to bed on time so Dylan could have some easy going mommy and daddy time.

We sat on the couch and read about Cookie Monster and his numbers, and Dylan deftly showed me all the numbers, out of order (which I LOVE so I know he really recognized the numbers and hasn't just memorized the order,) and we were having a good time! He turned the page and pointed out "seven," then turned back and said "six!" He then took the book and turned it upside down and I internally cringed because he had been doing so well and I just KNEW that he was going to start spinning his book instead of reading it. Resigned not to make a big deal out of it, I kissed his hair and then he shoved the upside down six in my face and said, "a nine!"

Ha!

Freaking brilliant.

Jared and I high fived and would have chest bumped if we weren't sure our old bones would have broken from the effort of getting off of the couch.

His brain is so beautiful - I am trying to get video of him playing piano and humming back the notes in perfect pitch, stay tuned! (get it..tuned!? I'm so fun!)

Happy Saturday!
-Kel

4.08.2010

And He's Also The Funniest Guy Ever. EVER!!

#5. How Does Your Husband Cope With Everything?

He doesn't.

He excels. ( You see what I did there? I tricked you into thinking he doesn't do well when in fact he DOES do well. Strategic spacing strikes again!!)

Jared, is amazing. Not in the cliché sense, either. I mean that in the most sincere, genuine way; he is awe-inspiring. Some mornings when he's wearing his jammy pants and a clean white t-shirt making me coffee, I could literally faint. I go all lightheaded just looking at him and the way he moves. I don't think I understood the word "palpable" until I fell in love with him. I get dizzy when he kisses the kids goodnight. I still feel those elusive butterflies when he leans in for a snuggle. I still stop breathing for a split second when I hear music that reminds me of him.

As for the children, they completely adore him.

He has a way with Dylan that I can't duplicate when it comes to getting him to stop his repetitive behavior (spinning, flapping his hands, what have you.) which I'm always impressed with. I don't have the touch! He usually simply asks Dylan to stop or removes him from the situation and Dylan is totally chill with that. He taught Dylan how to five and cried with me when he said his first "I wub boo!!!" He had an intense bond with our Dylan from the moment he held him. It was, once again, palpable. I watched Jared turn into father as soon as their skin touched each others' -it was magic.

Lylli has him wrapped all around her adorable fingers, but he tries his best to seem like he's in control. He tells her she's terrible and she smiles at him to let him know who's in charge, and he smiles back, powerless to her daughter charms. He's a grown man weakened by a teeny tiny princess, and it's just SO FREAKING precious.

So, as far as him coping, he makes it look like he's not being made to "cope" with anything. He's Nike about the whole thing - he just does it, with style, might I add :)

We get stressed, totally. We worry about Dylan starting school and Lylli rounding up boys and everything in between, but Jared handles it with the strength and wisdom of someone well beyond his years.

He's truly a remarkable young man.

I should also mention that two Saturdays a month he goes and shoots airsoft guns with his friends in the woods, or something. The details are fuzzy and sometimes people lose teeth. So...maybe he's not that good at this parenting thing and he's just been shot in the head with pellets too many times to put up much of a protest about giving them horsey rides?

::shrug:: Either way, he's really good at Daddy-ing. <3

-Kel

4.07.2010

Question #4. What about Lylli?!

Lylli. She is one of the most inspiring people in my life... She's spring time and snowflakes and the middle part of an oatmeal pie that makes you squeal with delight. She's the epitome of a teeny tiny person that's "going on twenty," and I know she's already smarter than me, which makes me extremely jealous. I'm practically wrinkling and graying with envy.

I have nightmares about her turning five and suddenly realizing that I make up some of the answers as I go, and I will turn into a sobbing mess knowing full well that her teen-aged-evil years will start before she hits double digits in which she will think that I, naturally, have no freaking idea what she's going through. I clearly see her sitting in the bathroom painting her nails on the sink just like I did as a kid, thinking that I'm lame, emotional, and most concerning, out of touch and wrong.

Yeeps!

I give her a lot of grief because she's spicier than habaneros and she's feistier than Ricky Martin, but she's also extremely compassionate and overwhelmingly intelligent, and even though those traits are enough to make her excel in life, they both pale in comparison to her twisted and hilarious sense of humor.

She helps me do therapy with Dylan, and rubs his back while I put on his jammies, and knows how to give "knuckles" to people and say "PSH!!!" while you do it!

Without turning into an emotionally unstable cry machine while talking about how I lean on my 18 month old for love, support, encouragement, fun and giggles, I'll just say that I thought my heart was totally full when I had Dylan and I couldn't imagine any more room for another child. When I found out I was pregnant with Lylli, I loved her as soon as the line turned blue. I needed her before the pang of nausea. I don't know what I ever did without her to balance my life - she's teaching me how to be fearless!

I need to focus more on my Lyls in this blog, because though we can learn a lot from Dylan handling his autism, we can learn just as much from Lylli, who doesn't give one hoot that her brother has a "disorder." He's simply "Boy!" to her :)

Lylli - I hope one day you read this and are horribly embarrassed and type me some acidic response with you beautiful long fingers (with dark polish, no doubt) and know that even though I'm out of touch and my music is whack, that I love you to itty bitty sparkly peicedsand you realize that I'm a pretty good mom.

-Kel

4.05.2010

Ausome? Awetistic? It's Awareness Month!

This is the first year that I have celebrated Autism Awareness month as it's the first year that I've known about it - having a new diagnosis in your home will suddenly reveal to you endless charity events, fundraisers, books, websites and in my case, the most brilliant awareness ribbon on the market. Helloooo? A multi-colored ribbon with a jigsaw theme to show the complexity of this puzzling disorder...it's practically the new black!

To show my support I have created an "April is Autism Awareness Month, I wear my ribbon for my son!" email signature for my work correspondence. I interact with members of the Chamber of Commerce as well as leaders in the Florida construction market, people who talk and are respected in our community, and I've had a chance to explain Dylan's differences to people whom I would normally never be able to have that conversation with. We usually talk purchase orders, retention schedules and the upcoming Marketing Monday seminar, and now I get to talk about how beautiful my son is. It's extremely refreshing!

Additionally, I'm rocking my sweet ribbon, which I think I may continue to rock well after April is over, and have invested several dollars at Cafe Press for bumper stickers which proudly proclaim that my son has autism, and that I see the potential.

And lastly, I am blogging my ever loving heart out to spread the world about how I don't care if people understand the disorder, I don't care if they are pro-vaccine or anti-gluten, I just want them to accept Dylan and expect from him the same thing that I do: That he will have a full, satisfying life, filled with hilarious twists and turns, surrounded by friends and family whom he loves. I want him to do what he wants to do with his life and I want him to possibly be a musical genius who makes Jared and I millions of dollars. In short - I expect him to have a beautiful and brilliant life.

So, in our very first celebrated Autism Awareness month, I make these promises to my son:

I vow to never underestimate your ability. You have proven me wrong too many times to count.

I will learn to let go and watch you develop without me holding your hand through every encounter because I am terrified that you are going to be scared or confused or overwhelmed. You're always fine. Unless your not...and then I'll step in! ;)

I will protect you without impeding your progress. Unless you start to date a girl who's too sassy and doesn't like my cooking. Then...I will hardcore protect and impede you from her. She's probably stupid and I'm doing you a favor.

I will never be ashamed or uncomfortable talking about your ASD. You and Lylli are my angels, nothing you are could ever stop be from beaming. Who you are is what makes my heart sing.

When you are older and you can tell me how all of this makes you feel, I will tell the world that story, and I will encourage YOU to tell that story, so that other mothers and fathers and sisters and grandparents will be able to hear your wonderful journey. Maybe you could tell tell everyone at the Grammy's while your thanking your father and I for giving you the gift of music...unless that fishstick lovin' Kanye interjects. Clown shoes.

And I promise to love you unconditionally, but that has nothing to do with any disorder. That's every mothers' promise to a child they would do anything for. You and Lylli are the world to me and your father.

I'm off to go put a defiantly sleepy Dylan Bear to bed, you go off an tell someone how you know a fantastic little monkey who was diagnosed with ASD who totally rocks. Open up some minds for us, 1 in 100 kids will need you to bust some knowledge and throw down some science.

Night!
-Kel

2.23.2010

Balancing Act

#3. Do you find it difficult to balance work and home - you talk about a lot of appointments.

Typically I find it very refreshing to play several roles. I like being able to switch hats and be a mom, a wife and a career woman.

I am blessed that my mother keeps both monsters while I work. I probably would have stayed home until the kids were in school if I didn't have that option. She's absolutely amazing with them and the kids completely adore her. Knowing both kids are safe, sound and happy (and giving someone else heck for a change!) frees my mind to tackle goals that I have for myself in the working world.

It can be challenging to navigate through all of my work appointments and meetings for Dylan and dr appointments for both of them and meetings at the Chamber of Commerce and remember everyone's birthdays and bring home adnd the bacon and fry it up in a pan and balance my personal appointment, but Dylan and Lylli always come first. I figure I'll get around to that gynocologist appointment when the kids are in school - I wasn't really looking forward to that anyway ;)

Becuase I have such a solid support system from my husband, family and in-laws, working and momming is a challenge that I enjoy. I learn a lot from each facet of my life and it gives me a unique perspective.

I can handle anything they throw at me at work. I have two toddlers that routinely put syrup in my hair, bang on pots and pans while I do taxes and hide chewed up goldfish in my purse. You can't rattle me at work.

I can handle anything the kids throw at me. I just dealt with a WC investigation for one of my subcontractors on a conference call in which two of the parties involved didn't speak English, the server goes down every month or so and the copier randomly shows the error message "document on glass," when Iassure you there is no document on the glass. You can't stress me out at home.

Sometimes I crack myself up by thinking that my life is so stressful it's as though I'm totally numb to it. It's just another day in a very beautiful and blessed life :)

Working also gives me a chance to wear cute shoes, eat my food while it's hot and not worry that someone is going to wipe snot on my cardigan...

I appreciate all the questions!!

Off to watch Lost, finish a power point presentation, kiss the kids goodnight again and snuggle up with my Jear Bear <3
-Kel, master of many trades :)

2.22.2010

Cue & Aye

I opened up the forum to my Facebook friends and asked that they please give me the opportunity to answer any questions they may have about Dylan's disorder, and to my surprise, I received questions about everything. Good questions, too! Questions about love, life, God, recipes, things to do in Florida, all kinds of stuff! I'm pretty excited to dig in!



I figured that I would answer them randomly, becuase that's how I do.



#1. Are you mad that Dylan has a disorder? Do you feel like he was cheated out of a "normal" life?



Wow. I actually said, "wow," outloud when I read that question. Quite simply, the answer is no on both accounts.



I am nothing short of ecstatic that I get to be his mommy. I absolutely beam every time I walk in the door and see him, same with Lylli. They are my sunshines!



I was very confused when he was first diagnoses, and very sad. That sounds like something a third grader would right, but the truth is that I had no complex emotions...I was just sad for Dylan. Sad because I knew so little about autism, and what I had seen/heard was just bad information. I was sick thinking that he would never have friends, never enjoy a date, never have the thrill of being able to enjoy music, stuck in a world that no one could get into...never love me.



That was what I had been told autism was. A disorder caused by too many vaccines which left a child a shell of their former self.



What a monstrous thing to tell the world..that every child with Autistic Spectrum Disorder is a souless, wandering person with no ability to love or feel.



After spending the next 48 hours after his diagnosis online and making appointments, I realized that ASD is as unique as the childen diagnosed.



My Dylan, our Dylan, is a beautiful and loving little angel. He needs help with his speech and with curbing his repetative behavior, and he's getting it. Not only is he recieving the help, we've seen his improve daily for the last 4-5 months.



So, am I sad? Not a bit. Dylan and his autism are intertwined, just like Lylli and her love of puppies are intertwined...just like OCD and anxiety is a part of my life.



For example, a Kelli is not a Kelli if she doesn't obsess over the food in the pantry being label out, or fuss about havign everything on her desk at 90 degree angles. It's quirky, and it gets in the way sometimes, but it's who I am. I freak out if there are too many people around me, I'll cry if I don't like the layout of a store...and that's me. I am a happy, healthy, loved and loving person and it makes no difference that I have a "disorder" of sorts. I like things neat and tidy and wish we could call "OCD" "CDO" becuase at least then it would be in alphabetical order. Yeah. Welcome to my world ;)



I love everything about Dylan, including his autism. I sincerely consider it a learning difference rather than a disorder, and I have the same expectations for him that I do for Lylli: That they enjoy life, find their soulmate, settle down, and give me grandbabies :)



As far as part two of that question, am he was cheated out of a normal life? I did in the beginning when I wasn't sure what it all meant, but now, no, I'm not worried about that at all. Besides, who wants a "normal" life? I like his quirks, other people with fall in love with his ability to hear something and hum it back immediately, or his gift of never losing his balance! Those things may be his quirks, they may be "autistic" quirks, but I know that they are what Dylan is. I love that about him.



Do we have time for another caller? I think we have time for a short one!



#2. Is Dylan harder to parent than Lylli?



Ha! HAHAHAHHAHA!! Have you MET Lylli?



Dylan listens when I tell him "no," entertains himself and plays well with others, and very rarely has a fit.



Lylli....is a fit.



Don't get me wrong, she makes my heart jump every time she says, "Mommy?" and breaks it every time she finsihes that sentence with, "Get juice," and dismissively waives her hand at me. She's hilarious and I could just eat her up she's so cute, but she is into everything in a way Dylan never was, and she has no sense of danger or fear at all.



I once heard someone say that God gives you the good child first so that you go ahead and have another one. If Lylli had been first...my tubes may have been tied before we got a chance for another one :)



They are both equally funny, sweet, smart and challenging, just in totally different ways.



And that concludes todays session. Keep asking your questions, I'm getting a kick out of answering them!



It's nice to be able to fully and competely answer the questions that I get pretty frequently without being interrupted, I really appreciate the opportunity and the interest!



Sincerely,

Kel

2.05.2010

It's Perfect Vampire Weather

"Sunny" Florida my butt.

I'm a little concerned that when I see commercials for anti-depression medication I nod my head in agreement with every symptom named. Lethargic? Unmotivated? Eating ice cream for dinner because you couldn't find the energy to go the grocery store all week? Yeah. Those all sound about right.

For a brief moment yesterday afternoon the sun shone long enough for me to roll down the windows and drive home - it practically melted the residue from my long and overwhelming work week and I was at peace. I got an energizing preview of summer for ten minutes, but it was soon nothing more than a memory. ::Sigh::

My saving grace today is that it's Friday, and THANK GOD it's Friday. I don't think I can roll out of bed another day while it's still pitch dark out. My body is literally rejecting the idea of unsnuggling with Jared and putting my toesies on the floor to go get dressed.

Jared recently said it looked like Florida (and I might add, all of its inhabitants) look freezer burnt.

Yeah.

That's about right.

I'm going to listen to some Beach Boys and drink some iced tea. Hey - I can pretend. It may be the only thing that stops from me mixing prescription meds in my icecream dinner tonight.

-Kel

1.18.2010

I Saw Julie and Julia

And I want to start a blog that follows Rachel Ray's 30 Minute Meals.

The premise: start cooking her recipes and then as soon as 30 minutes is up, BAM! Put that food on a plate and let's see how much got done.

I will probably save time by saying EVOO and probably lose time by trying to pile 1400 spices, condiments, and kitchen tools in my arms at once instead of making two trips.

I can't tell you how many time I have shouted at my TV with the same passion as my husband watching Monday Night Football, "JUST TAKE TWO TRIPS! TAKE...TWO...TRIIIIPS!!!" ::faint from anger/confusion::

That show should be called, "Middle Aged Women Who Sounds Like an 80 Year Old Smoker Who Piles Too Many Things in Her Troll Arms."

That has a nice ring to it, right?

I actually love her cook books, I've made tons of very sucessful meals at her suggestion, but never in 30 minutes.

The moral of this story is not to let me watch movies based on bloggers' true stories because I will want to make money, money, money blogging random things but won't be able to follow through because I am tired, tired, tired.

Yumm-o,
KelStar

1.11.2010

Quarter of a Century

That's how old I'll be this week. Twenty-freaking-five.


I'm not depressed about getting older, age ain't nothin' but a number, but I am a little freaked out that I have no real desire to celebrate. That's weird, right?

I am planning on going to Epcot with Jared becuase I get my birthday off at work and my birthday day also is date night, so I am VERY, VERY, VERY excited to hang out with Jared all day like we did back in the day, and we are planning on going to Kobe's for dinner, which should be deicious, and then I'm meeting up with my friends so they can all sit around and tell me how with each passing birthday they love me more and more and I'll sit there modestly accepting their praise...but still. I just feel so lackluster this year I don't know what to make of it.

You know what it is? It just hit me as I was typing: A whole day with Jared sounds like bliss...but I am going to miss the kids.

See? LAME! LAME! LAME!! I would be without the kids anyway on date night as we do them on Friday nights. I go straight home from work and Jared and start our evening from there, so I see them bright and early the next morning.

Maybe I can have it both ways, it's my birthday, am I right? Yeah. Of course I am. I rock on my birthday.

I can keep the kids late in the morning bc we don't all have to get up so I can go to work, and I can have a nice, leisurely breakfast with them, and then we can go to the park and play around and run and jump and hug and swing, and then I can bring them to my mom's house after I've had my fun with them :)

Ahhhh, blogging IS theraputic and useful!

And now, I am really looking forward to all of my favorite things packed into one day! Kids, Jared, Disney, sushi, friends and family.

Looks like I'm going to get to have my birthday cake and eat it too :)

Sigining off,
Kelasauras Sen
(get it...cause I'm a dinosaur bc I'm old, and Sen means old in latin... Ugh. Nevermind.)

1.09.2010

After months of dragging Dylan all around Florida for assessments, tests, intakes, and evaluations, we finally have been assigned a speech therapist that will come to my mom's house (where the kids stay while I slave away at my full time job) twice a week to help Dylan beat the boss level in verbal communication.

The best part is that WE LOVE THE THERAPIST. She didn't ignore Dylan, or seem disinterested in him as a person, or vomit up factoids about his disorder, but came in, talked with Dylan and sat on the floor with him while she showed him how to use a couple of toys and even let Lylli join in the fun.

Even more importantly, Dylan clearly liked her. He sat his bear butt right next to her and watched her show him what to do.

I stayed up Wednesday terrified that they wouldn't approve his therapy. I was completely scared to death they would tell me that we would get a therapist when he turned three, but instead of my worst fears being confirmed, God sent us this angel. I know this is insane sounding, but I already know that she is going to be a vital force in helping Dylan. My mom and I agreed that she just seem to radiate good vibes - I wanted to hug her as soon as she walked in. I hope I'm making her Christmas cookies next year thanking her for all of her hard work with Dylan!

The day after we met our speech therapist, I got a call that they had also approved him for early intervention therapy once a week, also at my mother's house. I calmly took the phone call and told my service coorindator how much I appreciated these therapy sessions and how I excited I was to move forward, hung up the phone, and squeeled in my office like a little kid! I laughed, I cried, I whispered, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you," to God and called Jared barely able to contain my excitement.

Therapy. Finally. :)

I have a couple of appointments that I have to take care of before he turns three, and I'm already annoyed by that, but at least I have the stuff that matters out of the way.

It's exhausting to be a parent. Sheesh :)

Today Jared made his delicious signature blueberry pancakes again. They were so good I honestly swooned when I took the first bite. Seriously one of the best things I've ever eaten.

We spent the rest of the morning fantasizing about owning a pancake shop where we serve nothing but these bomb pancakes. All we do is pancakes. Best pancakes ever. And coffee. (of course.)

Who knows, one day we may own a pancake shop where I serve gourmet coffee and we sponser community events and we open at 4am the day after Thanksgiving and give free yummy coffee to all of the early shoppers thus cementing ourselve's as a family owned landmark in the greater Brandon area.

Yeah...we talked about it for a while :) There would also be wi-fi and and I would read children books to a group of kids twice a week.

Ahhh, maybe one day. For now, I'll take us both having steady, good jobs in this beautiful economic climate and free speech/intervention therapy courtesy of the United States government.

I'm going to drink my bottled water and toast the internet readers to fantasy pancake shops and real world angels in the form of therapist. ::Clink!::
-Kel

1.05.2010

Resolutions. I've been keeping them.

Starting with my blog, yo.

Tonight's successes include coloring with both kids at the same time with no one choking on Crayola products, and making the time to update my blog of these successess.

Baby steps.

The big news in our life this week is that Dylan starts his speech/early intervention therapy on Thursday. I am thrilled to have finally Rambo'd our way through all of the red tape to actually get a therapist, and I can't wait to give Dylan more of the tools that will help him grow, but I really don't know what to expect which makes me a little nervous.

His therapist seemed great on the phone and I have heard really good things, so here's hoping she and Dylan are a good team.

In unrelated news, Lylli said "guitar!" today while Jared jammed for both of them and danced her little uncoordinated heart out.

We also had this exchange after I drew a picture of what I thought was a perfectly decent looking puppy:

Me: Look Lyl! What did Mommy draw?
Lylli: (dryly, not a hint of interest) Picture.
Me: That's right! And what is the picture of?
Lylli: (clearly disgusted) A baby?
Me: That's not a baby! What did Mommy draw?
Lylli: (Withdrawn. Dissapointed with her mother's artistic ability.) A puppy. (Long pause. Deep sigh.) A puppy,
Me: Well...I thought it was a pretty good puppy.
Lylli: (Stares in the distance as she places stickers over the puppy's face.)
Me: I'm just goingto clean up now....

When you can't impress a one year old, it's time to admit that you suck at drawing puppies.

I thought my flowers were pretty good though! Better than what her barely capable little hands were drawing. And she had the audicity to call what she drew "circles?" She only mastered HOLDING the crayon about a month ago! Who is she to judge my work!?

Pompous child.



Off to bed to snuggle up in this chilly weather!

-Kel

1.03.2010

How long until people stop saying, O-10, you think?

This new year has already been the easiest transition into a new year that I have ever experienced. No new baby, no new medical diagnosis, no new job....no new ANYTHING, just a steady ascent into happiness which is something I desperately needed.



I happily realized that I did a bang up job with my resolutions from last year, except for getting my 6 pack back and getting that 10K in savings, however, we now at least HAVE an active savings account which often stands at higher than the minimum balance of 5 bucks. I consider this a success! We's in a recession, yo!

As for my abs, I look awesome if I lie down flat. I'll work on getting my prebaby body back fo' sho', but I think I can use the, "I had two babies!" excuse forever and always. Thanks, kids!



My resolutions this year are very achievable, and since the chaos has slowed from all-out-insanity to mildly crazy, I have time to really dedicate this year to improving the whole world. I'm grand like that.



Here we go:

Get that 10K in savings. Mama wants to buy a house.



Ignore Jared's food requests and go through my cookbooks and make healthy things that the kids and I will eat. Jared always comes around in the end, he just doesn't know he likes certain things. He thought he hated coffee and sushi when we first got married. So stupid. I'm tired of making that boy shrimp and pasta!



Dedicate time daily to this blog. I can't raise awareness about advocacy at all if I don't take the time to, you know, advocate.



Keep a prayer journal. I was going to do this online, but I think for my prayer life I want to get old school with it. This is something I did when I was younger, and I really enjoyed that. I subscribed to email devotionals to jump start this, and all in all, I want to spend more time growing in God. It makes me a happier more balanced rockstar.



Spend more time doing charity work now that the kids' schedule allows me free time. I am so freaking blessed it's ridiculous. I've done a pretty good job of starting this earlier this year, but I need to keep up with it and not be complacent.



Start my etsy shop. For real. I'm like....10 months over due on that.



Take my boss's advice and stop taking work so personally. I am so emotionally invested it's out of control. I need to step back and just let work be work.





And as always -

Be a better wife.

Be a better mother.

Be a better daughter.

Be a better sister.



So far, this new year has had a very nice start despite the fact that everytime I talk about a tranision from 2009 to 2010 I say, "from 0-nine to 0-ten " I gotta stop that....



Seriously, 10K in savings peeps.



Happy New Year!!

-KelStar