I've decided to stop complaining, which is unfortunate, beause it's actually one of my biggest talents.
I've decided that I have no right to say anything but positive things about my life and the direction that it's heading.
I'm blogging from my work, which pays the bills, listening to Borderline by Madonna and devouring a buffalo chicken burger and Diet Mountain Dew. I have fierce hair, an even fiercer husband, and really...I just have no right to not be rainbows and sunshine.
I think I'm finally at a place where I can acklowledge when I am stressed or annoyed, but I'm understanding every day how good I have it and how easy my life is most of the time.
Work or Dylan are the two biggest stresses in my life. Work becuase...it's work and I'm expected to be a rockstar full of sunshine who never messes up and keeps her emotions in check, and Dylan becuase he's my Boo Boo Butt and I want to give him all the help he needs to have a happy life, despite his ASD.
I have found a way to relax at work - we just moved offices, so I am much further away from the hustle and bustle of the office and the constant interuptions, and I can play my music louder than a whisper and not offend anyone with my love of Prince at 7am.
God has really blessed me for no reason, I certianly haven't done anything to have all the wonderful things that I have, and I need to be more deliberately thankful for the one million reasons that I smile.
Thansgiving I will probably be too busy with...well, Thanksgiving, to write a post, so this counts. The older I get, the higher this holiday ranks on the Kelli Top Ten of Good Things. I love a holiday dedicated to reflecting on our blessings and the older the kids get, the more I see how fast life happens.
To my husband who fixes me, has proven himself the most hilarious person alive, and who makes me breakfast every weekend, to my Dylan who makes hope tangible and humor heartfelt, my Lylli for teaching me new tricks, my mom for giving me an example too good to match, my dad for always knowing what to do, (with leftovers or with life,) my youngest brother for making me rethink what's cool, my middle brother for always knowing what to say to make me laugh at innappropriate things, my inlaws for having my children's best intertest in their hearts, and my friends, who truly, truly are the family that I chose - a most sincere thank you.
This lucky lady's out, much love to all you this holiday season!
-Kel
11.25.2009
11.03.2009
The Crusades
Dylan - He's lovely and beatiful and talented and charming and clever and sweet and sneaky and trouble and funny.
I want to raise awareness that children who have Autistic Spectrum Disorder can be all of those things.
I see autism being marketed in this package in which my sweet angel does not fit. When I tell strangers that Dylan has austim, they either look at me in pity and wonder how I keep it together raising a special needs child, or wonder if he can solve a rubic's cube in 10 seconds.
I try and make an impact on these people one at a time by sharing what a blessing it is to be this little monster's mommy, in the hope that they will know that autistic children are not monsters with vacant stares and hateful hearts.
My child is a brilliant smile with observant bright eyes and the best hugs kisses you have ever had.
I don't know when it became poplular to make autism the new worst fear for parents, but I'm doing what I can to change minds about this.
Are there those cases? Absolutely. But to have parents hear a diagnosis and think their child will never love them and never enjoy life... that's disgusting.
I want to be that supportive figure for other parents that I didn't have when Dylan's neurologist looked at me and matter of factly told me that he was PDD. I want parents to know that we are lucky to have these differently wired children. Every success with our child means so much more than every success any other parent of a typical child can experience.
Our autistic kids make us better people who are capable of feeling so much more pride, so much more...everything. We have to work so hard for that first word and for that first real connection. It's worth it.
So, I am going to need to become even more informed with all the resources that are available to me to be the beacon of hope that Dylan needs to me to be. Dylan deserves a world that doesn't pity him or fear him, but that respects him and accepts him.
I'm not going to let my Bear down. Every mother out there knows that feeling. You cannot/will not let your baby down.
While I'm crusading, I should probably start a Lylli Tolerance League or something, my mom would sign the petition immediately :) If we're being honest here, I need pity and sympathy for raising THAT kid.
Working on making a difference for my sweet and sour babies,
*Kel
I want to raise awareness that children who have Autistic Spectrum Disorder can be all of those things.
I see autism being marketed in this package in which my sweet angel does not fit. When I tell strangers that Dylan has austim, they either look at me in pity and wonder how I keep it together raising a special needs child, or wonder if he can solve a rubic's cube in 10 seconds.
I try and make an impact on these people one at a time by sharing what a blessing it is to be this little monster's mommy, in the hope that they will know that autistic children are not monsters with vacant stares and hateful hearts.
My child is a brilliant smile with observant bright eyes and the best hugs kisses you have ever had.
I don't know when it became poplular to make autism the new worst fear for parents, but I'm doing what I can to change minds about this.
Are there those cases? Absolutely. But to have parents hear a diagnosis and think their child will never love them and never enjoy life... that's disgusting.
I want to be that supportive figure for other parents that I didn't have when Dylan's neurologist looked at me and matter of factly told me that he was PDD. I want parents to know that we are lucky to have these differently wired children. Every success with our child means so much more than every success any other parent of a typical child can experience.
Our autistic kids make us better people who are capable of feeling so much more pride, so much more...everything. We have to work so hard for that first word and for that first real connection. It's worth it.
So, I am going to need to become even more informed with all the resources that are available to me to be the beacon of hope that Dylan needs to me to be. Dylan deserves a world that doesn't pity him or fear him, but that respects him and accepts him.
I'm not going to let my Bear down. Every mother out there knows that feeling. You cannot/will not let your baby down.
While I'm crusading, I should probably start a Lylli Tolerance League or something, my mom would sign the petition immediately :) If we're being honest here, I need pity and sympathy for raising THAT kid.
Working on making a difference for my sweet and sour babies,
*Kel
10.16.2009
Much Needed Update
Okay, so it's been a little while.
I'm a working mom with a full schedule who can't pee when the kids are awake without having one of them want to sit on my lap while I tinkle; cut me some slack.
Updates on D: He is doing fabulously. He is showing signs of improvement every single day, and I am learning how to teach him in ways that are better for D*Bears.
We have been taking family walks every evening which has been an excellent opportunity to show both kids all kinds of goodies that God sprinkled all over our neighborhood. Squirrels, trees, cats, dogs, cars - all these things are catching his eye more and more, and his understanding of the world is becoming more clear with every thing we show him.
I am now at a very happy place where I do not think that autism has claimed his soul or his personality, but I am seeing that D and his ASD are completely intertwined in each other. I wouldn't take any part of my special and remarkable young man away from him. He's perfect, and he's awesome, and he's everything any mother would want in a toddler.
Our big breakthroughs lately:
He understands what his shoes are and where they go, and now and then, he'll even say the word "shoes!"
He says, "Good job!" or "Great job!" when he does something he should, (or when he steals Lylli's toys, which is HILARIOUS.)
He knows what I am saying when I tell him to open the front door, or turn on the water for brushing his teeth
He is imitating everyone around him
Thanks to my mother's endless patience and love for him, the routines that we have established at home are continued during the time when his wonderful Mima has him while J and I work.
As if it wasn't hard enough to live up to the type of mother my mom was, now I have to live up to the type of grandmother she is!! I can't win!! Thanks for setting the bar so high that I can't possibly outshine you, Mom ;)
More on how I detest the media portrayal of ASD at a later date, it's an entry all it's own, but suffice it to say that whatever you have heard about all children with Autistic Spectrum Disorder being unemotional behaviorally impaired brats, misfits or spiritless children is not only appalling but it couldn't be further from the truth.
There is no one sweeter than my D. I have more kisses and hugs and licks ( yes, licks...I'll take it,) than I have a right to!
All in all, the kid's a rockstar, as if there was any doubt, and we are moving along nicely.
We are waiting to hear back about when they can get him into speech therapy, but his assessment went very well, and we took him off of the gluten free diet because I swear the kid is allergic to the absence of gluten. It made him do things in his diaper that wouldn't resonate with you if I only put it in words.
I'll leave it at that.
Speaking of terrible, terrible things, today is Lylli's Birthday! HOORAY!! We all survived the first year!
Tomorrow is her Tinkerberll themed birthday party, and I am beside myself with excitement and bittersweet nostalgia.
She should get her own post about how awesome her birthday is, eh? Yeah. She deserves it.
That's my clever way of telling you all that I'm heading downstairs to pound pizza and pepsi and with my very bearded J*Rock before we cuddle up for a night of Mythbusters and more pizza.
One love,
Kel*Star
I'm a working mom with a full schedule who can't pee when the kids are awake without having one of them want to sit on my lap while I tinkle; cut me some slack.
Updates on D: He is doing fabulously. He is showing signs of improvement every single day, and I am learning how to teach him in ways that are better for D*Bears.
We have been taking family walks every evening which has been an excellent opportunity to show both kids all kinds of goodies that God sprinkled all over our neighborhood. Squirrels, trees, cats, dogs, cars - all these things are catching his eye more and more, and his understanding of the world is becoming more clear with every thing we show him.
I am now at a very happy place where I do not think that autism has claimed his soul or his personality, but I am seeing that D and his ASD are completely intertwined in each other. I wouldn't take any part of my special and remarkable young man away from him. He's perfect, and he's awesome, and he's everything any mother would want in a toddler.
Our big breakthroughs lately:
He understands what his shoes are and where they go, and now and then, he'll even say the word "shoes!"
He says, "Good job!" or "Great job!" when he does something he should, (or when he steals Lylli's toys, which is HILARIOUS.)
He knows what I am saying when I tell him to open the front door, or turn on the water for brushing his teeth
He is imitating everyone around him
Thanks to my mother's endless patience and love for him, the routines that we have established at home are continued during the time when his wonderful Mima has him while J and I work.
As if it wasn't hard enough to live up to the type of mother my mom was, now I have to live up to the type of grandmother she is!! I can't win!! Thanks for setting the bar so high that I can't possibly outshine you, Mom ;)
More on how I detest the media portrayal of ASD at a later date, it's an entry all it's own, but suffice it to say that whatever you have heard about all children with Autistic Spectrum Disorder being unemotional behaviorally impaired brats, misfits or spiritless children is not only appalling but it couldn't be further from the truth.
There is no one sweeter than my D. I have more kisses and hugs and licks ( yes, licks...I'll take it,) than I have a right to!
All in all, the kid's a rockstar, as if there was any doubt, and we are moving along nicely.
We are waiting to hear back about when they can get him into speech therapy, but his assessment went very well, and we took him off of the gluten free diet because I swear the kid is allergic to the absence of gluten. It made him do things in his diaper that wouldn't resonate with you if I only put it in words.
I'll leave it at that.
Speaking of terrible, terrible things, today is Lylli's Birthday! HOORAY!! We all survived the first year!
Tomorrow is her Tinkerberll themed birthday party, and I am beside myself with excitement and bittersweet nostalgia.
She should get her own post about how awesome her birthday is, eh? Yeah. She deserves it.
That's my clever way of telling you all that I'm heading downstairs to pound pizza and pepsi and with my very bearded J*Rock before we cuddle up for a night of Mythbusters and more pizza.
One love,
Kel*Star
9.07.2009
My Son Kisses Like He's a Dog
D Bear gave me honest-to-goodness real kisses just now <3!!!
He usually just licks my cheeks or gets his lips really wet and drags them across my face. If you think that sounds gross, you haven't felt the loving gaze in his eyes as he preciously slobbers all over you - they're the best kisses.
This is a happy step for us! He's learning more and more every day, and I must say, as much I adore his saliva on my forehead, I'll take the new and improved smackers, too.
I'm off to bed a very happy, properly kissed mommy.
-Kel
He usually just licks my cheeks or gets his lips really wet and drags them across my face. If you think that sounds gross, you haven't felt the loving gaze in his eyes as he preciously slobbers all over you - they're the best kisses.
This is a happy step for us! He's learning more and more every day, and I must say, as much I adore his saliva on my forehead, I'll take the new and improved smackers, too.
I'm off to bed a very happy, properly kissed mommy.
-Kel
9.05.2009
Shennanigans With Gluten
Day two of D's gluten free diet. I have nothing to report except for that I am surprised at how convenient gluten free shopping is these days. I have a special aisle in my Publix full of allergen free goodies, and none of them suck!
So far, the animal crackers, vanilla cookies, waffles and puff cereal bars have all been a big hit! Plus, I'm learning that there are tons of things that he already eats that are naturally gluten free, like gummi bears, fruit snacks and yogurt.
I wasn't a huge fan of the bread I tried, so I'm going to try and make my own. We'll see how that goes since I either burn or really burn everything I cook.
Of course, Tink is a big fan of all of D*Bear's new snacks too. That girl would eat rocks.
In other breaking news, I kicked my husband's bootay in ski-ball today at the mall. The kids looked on in awe as I demonstrated my masterful technique and then triumphantly wrapped all the prize tickets around my neck. They were so proud of me.
J, of course, thought the machine was rigged and not scoring properly. Whatev, clown shoes. I am the one who is rigged. With talent.
Off to flex my arcade muscles and see about getting a snack loaded with gluten and fat.
-Kel
So far, the animal crackers, vanilla cookies, waffles and puff cereal bars have all been a big hit! Plus, I'm learning that there are tons of things that he already eats that are naturally gluten free, like gummi bears, fruit snacks and yogurt.
I wasn't a huge fan of the bread I tried, so I'm going to try and make my own. We'll see how that goes since I either burn or really burn everything I cook.
Of course, Tink is a big fan of all of D*Bear's new snacks too. That girl would eat rocks.
In other breaking news, I kicked my husband's bootay in ski-ball today at the mall. The kids looked on in awe as I demonstrated my masterful technique and then triumphantly wrapped all the prize tickets around my neck. They were so proud of me.
J, of course, thought the machine was rigged and not scoring properly. Whatev, clown shoes. I am the one who is rigged. With talent.
Off to flex my arcade muscles and see about getting a snack loaded with gluten and fat.
-Kel
8.31.2009
I'm At Least As Good A Mother As Ben Stiller
There is no greater pleasure in this world then soothing your child(ren) to sleep.
And it's not just because they finally just shut the crap up for a second so you can have a moment of peace. Unless it's my daughter...and then I'm not sure if the greater joy is soothing her to sleep or just putting her in a cage in her bedroom which we euphemistically call a "crib."
Tinkerbell was a terrible sleeper up until a coworker of mine, probably after hearing me go on and on about how I was never getting any sleep and watching me pour 5-hour Energy into a Red Bull for breakfast, highly recommended to me both Healthy Sleep Habits - Happy Child, and The Sleep Easy Solution. That was one of the best days of my life.
I went with The Sleep Easy Solution because it was endorsed by Ben Stiller. If Zoolander can put his spawn to sleep, so can the hubby and I. I shan't think of the mother I would be if my parenting skills were not up to par with the lead male role in Heavyweights.
The Sleep Easy Solution is an alternative to the cry/whine it out method, which I just couldn't handle. If it worked for you and your kids, that's awesome and I'm happy for you! No judgment here, I'm all about doing what makes the babies happy and healthy and what keeps the parents sane, it just wasn't something I was game for.
Sparing you the step by steps, you basically take about a week to prep and adjust your night terror's sleep association so (s)he learns to self-soothe. Pretty soon you're putting the kids down and then celebrating the rest of the evening because those monsters are out for the whole night! A true success story in our house, Tink slept through the night on night two.
This is polar opposite from what it was...while D*Bear was the poster boy for good sleeping habits, his sister was up every 45 minutes being a little cry baby about everything, and when she wasn't waking up, she was restlessly sleeping and grunting. So ladylike.
I should have taken pictures of what I looked like when I walked into work every morning at 7am. How I stayed employed while looking the constant hot mess and blabbing to anyone who would listen about how little sleep I got is beyond me.
Coworker: Kel, did you get a chance to [insert boring work task here?]
Me: Oh, I don't know, well rested coworker with your stupid bright eyes and your obnoxious bushy tail. How about YOU live MY life last night with only 1 1/2 UNCONSECUTIVE hours of sleep and YOU tell ME if at this early hour YOU would have finished it.
Coworker: It's 3:30pm.
Me: I didn't get any sleep last night.
Repeat. All day. Every day.
Which brings me back to my point. There is no greater joy or pure bliss than putting your sweet baby angel in her crib, kissing her on the forehead, and watching her drift gently and peacefully sleep.
However, I suppose that joy is matched by tucking in your baby bear boy and singing Coldplay, Nada Surf, and old church hymns from your childhood, (which all of a sudden inspire you) for ten minutes while rubbing his back and watching the long eyelashes that he got from his daddy slowly meet.
Bedtime in this house is a sweet memory that I tuck away in the part of my brain that is quick to anger and frustration so I can take it out and make that moment seem as silly...as...well..Ben Stiller as the lead in a movie about supermodels.
Off to wind down for nighty-night myself,
Kel
And it's not just because they finally just shut the crap up for a second so you can have a moment of peace. Unless it's my daughter...and then I'm not sure if the greater joy is soothing her to sleep or just putting her in a cage in her bedroom which we euphemistically call a "crib."
Tinkerbell was a terrible sleeper up until a coworker of mine, probably after hearing me go on and on about how I was never getting any sleep and watching me pour 5-hour Energy into a Red Bull for breakfast, highly recommended to me both Healthy Sleep Habits - Happy Child, and The Sleep Easy Solution. That was one of the best days of my life.
I went with The Sleep Easy Solution because it was endorsed by Ben Stiller. If Zoolander can put his spawn to sleep, so can the hubby and I. I shan't think of the mother I would be if my parenting skills were not up to par with the lead male role in Heavyweights.
The Sleep Easy Solution is an alternative to the cry/whine it out method, which I just couldn't handle. If it worked for you and your kids, that's awesome and I'm happy for you! No judgment here, I'm all about doing what makes the babies happy and healthy and what keeps the parents sane, it just wasn't something I was game for.
Sparing you the step by steps, you basically take about a week to prep and adjust your night terror's sleep association so (s)he learns to self-soothe. Pretty soon you're putting the kids down and then celebrating the rest of the evening because those monsters are out for the whole night! A true success story in our house, Tink slept through the night on night two.
This is polar opposite from what it was...while D*Bear was the poster boy for good sleeping habits, his sister was up every 45 minutes being a little cry baby about everything, and when she wasn't waking up, she was restlessly sleeping and grunting. So ladylike.
I should have taken pictures of what I looked like when I walked into work every morning at 7am. How I stayed employed while looking the constant hot mess and blabbing to anyone who would listen about how little sleep I got is beyond me.
Coworker: Kel, did you get a chance to [insert boring work task here?]
Me: Oh, I don't know, well rested coworker with your stupid bright eyes and your obnoxious bushy tail. How about YOU live MY life last night with only 1 1/2 UNCONSECUTIVE hours of sleep and YOU tell ME if at this early hour YOU would have finished it.
Coworker: It's 3:30pm.
Me: I didn't get any sleep last night.
Repeat. All day. Every day.
Which brings me back to my point. There is no greater joy or pure bliss than putting your sweet baby angel in her crib, kissing her on the forehead, and watching her drift gently and peacefully sleep.
However, I suppose that joy is matched by tucking in your baby bear boy and singing Coldplay, Nada Surf, and old church hymns from your childhood, (which all of a sudden inspire you) for ten minutes while rubbing his back and watching the long eyelashes that he got from his daddy slowly meet.
Bedtime in this house is a sweet memory that I tuck away in the part of my brain that is quick to anger and frustration so I can take it out and make that moment seem as silly...as...well..Ben Stiller as the lead in a movie about supermodels.
Off to wind down for nighty-night myself,
Kel
8.22.2009
Yin and Yang
My husband J and I could not be more proud to be D*Bear's parents, no matter where this winding and uncertain road may take us.
It's such an overwhelming feeling to know that God could have blessed anyone He wanted to with D's precious smiles, hilarious high-energy and angelic disposition, but he chose us. We're doing all we can to show how much we appreciate this gift - I can't imagine feeling any more joy about any other child in the world.
Except for maybe our daughter Tinkerbell, but that's up in the air ;)
Tinkerbell is 10 months old, and is a walking, talking, hot mess. She crawled early, walked at 9 months, and if there is another baby who can keep you on your toes the way that she can, I would like to meet this child so I feel better about how ragged Tink runs me.
She chokes on something twice a day, (at least!) and I see many frantic poison control calls in my future with her.
We could not have two more different children. While D is sweet natured, cuddly, and passive, Tink is a dramatic, demanding...diva? Can you say "diva" about a 10 month old? I'm her mom, I can say it. Child is out of her mind. The only thing that saves her booty is that smile. ::melt:: That four toothed smile. It's all I can do not to tear up just THINKING about it, and she knows it.
She loves her brother, completely infatuated with him, his toys and his snacks. Come to think of it, maybe we have been wrong all along about her motives for adoration with D. Maybe she just wants his things. That's actually much more up her alley.
To continue, I met up with my mom, dad and younger brother and took the minis to Downtown Disney today and we had a blast! The kids loved it!
D*Bear news - I pointed to a balloon, a tree and an elephant and he looked at what I was pointing at. This is a great milestone for a person with PDD! He knows I am showing him something and he is looking to see what it is. Success!
D loved everything, but was especially impressed with a snow globe (that I ended up buying him) and all the waterfalls and fish. Rainforest Cafe was a hit! We took pictures of him with his favorite character, Tigger, and ate a very good lunch. (Also great news!)
Tink pitched a righteouw fit in McDonald's so terrible that families surrounding us this afternoon will always be able to say, "at least they don't act like that diva in McDonald's during The Trantum of 2009," and I had visions of strapping her to the community changing table and walking away.
Lucky for her, she smiled at me at the last minute.
It's such an overwhelming feeling to know that God could have blessed anyone He wanted to with D's precious smiles, hilarious high-energy and angelic disposition, but he chose us. We're doing all we can to show how much we appreciate this gift - I can't imagine feeling any more joy about any other child in the world.
Except for maybe our daughter Tinkerbell, but that's up in the air ;)
Tinkerbell is 10 months old, and is a walking, talking, hot mess. She crawled early, walked at 9 months, and if there is another baby who can keep you on your toes the way that she can, I would like to meet this child so I feel better about how ragged Tink runs me.
She chokes on something twice a day, (at least!) and I see many frantic poison control calls in my future with her.
We could not have two more different children. While D is sweet natured, cuddly, and passive, Tink is a dramatic, demanding...diva? Can you say "diva" about a 10 month old? I'm her mom, I can say it. Child is out of her mind. The only thing that saves her booty is that smile. ::melt:: That four toothed smile. It's all I can do not to tear up just THINKING about it, and she knows it.
She loves her brother, completely infatuated with him, his toys and his snacks. Come to think of it, maybe we have been wrong all along about her motives for adoration with D. Maybe she just wants his things. That's actually much more up her alley.
To continue, I met up with my mom, dad and younger brother and took the minis to Downtown Disney today and we had a blast! The kids loved it!
D*Bear news - I pointed to a balloon, a tree and an elephant and he looked at what I was pointing at. This is a great milestone for a person with PDD! He knows I am showing him something and he is looking to see what it is. Success!
D loved everything, but was especially impressed with a snow globe (that I ended up buying him) and all the waterfalls and fish. Rainforest Cafe was a hit! We took pictures of him with his favorite character, Tigger, and ate a very good lunch. (Also great news!)
Tink pitched a righteouw fit in McDonald's so terrible that families surrounding us this afternoon will always be able to say, "at least they don't act like that diva in McDonald's during The Trantum of 2009," and I had visions of strapping her to the community changing table and walking away.
Lucky for her, she smiled at me at the last minute.
8.21.2009
The First Post is the Deepest
Today was a day that changed my life - in a different way than my wedding day or the birth of either of my womb monsters could change my life.
My two year old angel, D*Bear, was diagnosed with Pervasive Development Disorder. This is basically a very nice way of saying that he has autistic traits, but is still to young and his future too unpredictable to have the 100% diagnosis of "autistic."
PDD is different for everyone, and for my sweet baby boy it is characterized by this:
Speech delay
Development delay (has trouble understanding commands, stresses easily)
Repetitive behavior
Unimaginative play
For my guy, that's basically it. He does not have several of the traits characterized by autism such as:
Emotional disconnect
Lack of eye contact
Lack of social interaction
Inability to understand facial expressions
Inability to understand simple commands (No! for instance. He's got that one down.)
D*Bear, on the surface, seems like a very typical two year old who happens to be taking his time talking, but once you spend anytime with him at all, you will soon notice that he spins everything; wheels on cars, blocks, toys, basically everything but books. He also seems less attentive than your average toddler, but emotionally, seems on par, if not more in tune than his peers.
I am an extremely lucky mother. D*Bear is truly the epitome of the purest form of joy, and I wouldn't trade my experiences with him for anything. I wouldn't take a "normal" child for anything. My D may have developmental struggles ahead, but one day of working diligently to finally hear him say, "All done!" is better than one million days rolling around in all the stimulus package money Obama has to offer!
You other mother's feel like that too, I imagine. No matter what the struggle, I'd rather struggle with my cutie pie than be on cloud nine with another child with no learning/behavior issues. My child rocks. My son is awesome.
So, today is day one of being the mother of a child with a learning difference. Well, hour 11 to be exact. I can't say that I am at all surprised by this diagnosis, and while it took the wind right out of my sails att first to hear a doctor confirm our concerns, now I feel an almost euphoric peace.
Now I know what I am dealing with. Now I can tackle it. Now I can save my son.
After spending an hour crying myself silly while both my son and my 10 month old daughter (more on my Tinkerbell later,) slept, I sobbed to my amazing (and sexy) husband over the phone, and with his ever soothing voice and endless encouragement, I realized that we can tackle this together.
We can beat this. I just know we can. There has never been a more determined or purposed moment in my life. I'm going to slay his disorder, and we are going to set my son free.
Don't get me wrong - I'm no all powerful force, but I have all my faith in my omnipotent and merciful of God, and I have the most amazing group of friends and family than anyone could assemble, and we are going to win.
I have heard countless times in the weeks leading up to this appointment that God would never put more or me than I could bear. This made me feel so weak...so helpless. I feel like "I have more on me than I can bear!!," I wanted to scream, "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!" Then I started researching...that verse is a huge misquote. It's nowhere is The Bible at all.
(just one of many sources:http://www.ronedmondson.com/2009/03/god-will-allow-more-than-you-can-bear.html)
So, I realized this: of course God puts more on us than we can bear. That's why we need him. In this moment tonight when I realized that I don't have to be impossibly strong, and that I can call upon my Father in Heaven, relief washed over me. I literally felt my nerves from head to toe calm down.
I am putting this in God's hands, and I will do my absolute best to keep my heart open and listen to what steps I need to make to allow God to heal my D Bear.
God is going to bring D out of this. I don't know His time and I don't know His reasons, but I know I capitalize every first letter of every name I refer to Him by, and that makes Him a pretty big deal.
As I sign off tonight, I sign off excited for this new chapter in my family's life, and more rejuvenated and full of worship than I have been in long while. I am obviously saddened that my child would ever have to deal with anything but rainbows and ice cream, but I know that this is not the end of the world.
This is the first day of my new life, a life of a mother with beautiful family, not so different than the day before it.
My husband and I have a lot of research to do, a lot of evaluations and therapy to attend, and a of prayers to pound out.
Praise God that I have a Lord and Savior who can put too much on me, because he will allow me to give those burdens to him. The comfort and the peace that comes from that is breathtaking.
More to come on D Bears progress, including speech therapy, socialization, and even a gluten free diet.
Next time I'll introduce you to my daughter. She's unbelievable. You'll love her.
Zip it up and zip it out,
Kel
My two year old angel, D*Bear, was diagnosed with Pervasive Development Disorder. This is basically a very nice way of saying that he has autistic traits, but is still to young and his future too unpredictable to have the 100% diagnosis of "autistic."
PDD is different for everyone, and for my sweet baby boy it is characterized by this:
Speech delay
Development delay (has trouble understanding commands, stresses easily)
Repetitive behavior
Unimaginative play
For my guy, that's basically it. He does not have several of the traits characterized by autism such as:
Emotional disconnect
Lack of eye contact
Lack of social interaction
Inability to understand facial expressions
Inability to understand simple commands (No! for instance. He's got that one down.)
D*Bear, on the surface, seems like a very typical two year old who happens to be taking his time talking, but once you spend anytime with him at all, you will soon notice that he spins everything; wheels on cars, blocks, toys, basically everything but books. He also seems less attentive than your average toddler, but emotionally, seems on par, if not more in tune than his peers.
I am an extremely lucky mother. D*Bear is truly the epitome of the purest form of joy, and I wouldn't trade my experiences with him for anything. I wouldn't take a "normal" child for anything. My D may have developmental struggles ahead, but one day of working diligently to finally hear him say, "All done!" is better than one million days rolling around in all the stimulus package money Obama has to offer!
You other mother's feel like that too, I imagine. No matter what the struggle, I'd rather struggle with my cutie pie than be on cloud nine with another child with no learning/behavior issues. My child rocks. My son is awesome.
So, today is day one of being the mother of a child with a learning difference. Well, hour 11 to be exact. I can't say that I am at all surprised by this diagnosis, and while it took the wind right out of my sails att first to hear a doctor confirm our concerns, now I feel an almost euphoric peace.
Now I know what I am dealing with. Now I can tackle it. Now I can save my son.
After spending an hour crying myself silly while both my son and my 10 month old daughter (more on my Tinkerbell later,) slept, I sobbed to my amazing (and sexy) husband over the phone, and with his ever soothing voice and endless encouragement, I realized that we can tackle this together.
We can beat this. I just know we can. There has never been a more determined or purposed moment in my life. I'm going to slay his disorder, and we are going to set my son free.
Don't get me wrong - I'm no all powerful force, but I have all my faith in my omnipotent and merciful of God, and I have the most amazing group of friends and family than anyone could assemble, and we are going to win.
I have heard countless times in the weeks leading up to this appointment that God would never put more or me than I could bear. This made me feel so weak...so helpless. I feel like "I have more on me than I can bear!!," I wanted to scream, "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!" Then I started researching...that verse is a huge misquote. It's nowhere is The Bible at all.
(just one of many sources:http://www.ronedmondson.com/2009/03/god-will-allow-more-than-you-can-bear.html)
So, I realized this: of course God puts more on us than we can bear. That's why we need him. In this moment tonight when I realized that I don't have to be impossibly strong, and that I can call upon my Father in Heaven, relief washed over me. I literally felt my nerves from head to toe calm down.
I am putting this in God's hands, and I will do my absolute best to keep my heart open and listen to what steps I need to make to allow God to heal my D Bear.
God is going to bring D out of this. I don't know His time and I don't know His reasons, but I know I capitalize every first letter of every name I refer to Him by, and that makes Him a pretty big deal.
As I sign off tonight, I sign off excited for this new chapter in my family's life, and more rejuvenated and full of worship than I have been in long while. I am obviously saddened that my child would ever have to deal with anything but rainbows and ice cream, but I know that this is not the end of the world.
This is the first day of my new life, a life of a mother with beautiful family, not so different than the day before it.
My husband and I have a lot of research to do, a lot of evaluations and therapy to attend, and a of prayers to pound out.
Praise God that I have a Lord and Savior who can put too much on me, because he will allow me to give those burdens to him. The comfort and the peace that comes from that is breathtaking.
More to come on D Bears progress, including speech therapy, socialization, and even a gluten free diet.
Next time I'll introduce you to my daughter. She's unbelievable. You'll love her.
Zip it up and zip it out,
Kel
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