I gleefully left work on this rainy day to pick Dylan from school and felt a surge of pride when I saw him happily sitting in his seat at a table with his classmates.
"That's my baby!" my brain shouted. "That's my special little boy! My word, LOOK at him in his polo shirt! He's just perfect!" I was giddy with excitement as I opened the classroom door. Our eyes met and his said, "What in the world are you doing here, Mom!?" He greeted me with his contagious smile and said, "Heeey!" the way a Dylan Bear does, and gave me kisses as we grabbed his backpack and headed out for the day.
For a moment I forgot that we had a boring appointment on a rainy day deep in Tampa where I always get lost, and it was just me and my boy walking hand-in-hand all alone down empty corridors filled only with the sound of his precious humming.
We drove over in the rain, I got lost, and I giggled at how silly I was for never being able to find his neurologist's office. I got out my umbrella when we found a parking spot not marked "Dr." and skidaddled as quickly as I could in my high heels holding the warm, trusting hand of my beautiful son.
He didn't like the elevator but he held it together very well. "I remember having to hold him the entire elevator ride while he screamed last visit" I thought to myself. This time it only took some gentle reassurance to calm him down and that in itself is so much progress that I am already beaming before we get to the Dr's suite.
He took a seat like a big kid all by himself while I signed us in and quietly watched Max and Ruby with the other children. I took a seat next to him and played with his hair while he laughed along with the other kids at Max's persistence that he play outside in the rain. "Appropriate," I told him, "for a rainy day like today!" "Rain!" he answered smiling. I was glowing.
We were called back and asked the usual questions. I gave honest answers in between Dylan coming up to me and giving me kisses.
Then we were told that he was doing great - so great that we didn't have to come back! He was making great progress and didn't exhibit any behavior that required us to return for observations!
I was thrilled to hear this and gave Dylan some knuckles for being such a rock star. I paid our co-pay while he stood patiently next to me and handed him some fruit snacks to occupy him while I waited for copies of the appointment to give to his teachers. “Hey, handsome!” the reception said to him – she was rewarded with a huge smile and a shy giggle. People who didn’t know our struggles and challenges would never think he had a diagnosis of ASD.
We went to the elevator and he stopped in his tracks. I asked him to press the button and he did! SUCCESS! He followed verbal directions! We stepped inside just me and him and I could tell how nervous he was, so I asked him to press #1 for the lobby. He did that too! He enjoyed the button lighting up! He quoted Buzz Lightyear as we descended to the first floor, his adorable little voice echoing in the elevator.
We walked to the car in the rain and we waved bye-bye to a place that had put the fear of God in me not that long ago.
I remember hearing, "He needs to see a neurologist," and feeling like someone had stabbed me in the stomach and hearing that neurologist say, "I believe he's autistic. He may never progress," and feeling dead inside, holding back tears the entire drive back to my office, heartbroken and devastated.
And here we are today and the least of my worries was what the dr had to say about my son. The only worry or doom I had at all was about one way streets! And the humidity since I had to go back to work no matter WHAT my hair looked like.
Instead of having a visit that kept me up for nights on end before the appointment riddled with worry and anxiety, I had a wonderful afternoon with my perfect son who is making amazing progress.
And we never have to go back to that dreadful office in Tampa that I can never find on the first try to hear someone ask me questions about my son to which they think they already know the answer. Boom! High-Five THAT.
4.05.2011
9.08.2010
Anniversary
I've gotten emails that I didn't blog about my anniversary, this means two things:
People are reading my blog!
You are all obsessed with me. (Fair enough.)
Jared. I can barely say his name without sighing. Ask my family, friends, co-workers - it's got to be sickening.
I didn't believe in fairy tale romances or "sweep you off your feet" love. Period. I thought that love and marriage were practical, and nice, and that if people approached marriage more like a steady partnership and less like they were going to live happily ever after we would all be better off. Falling deeply in love and getting butterflies every time you cuddle was a myth and it was best if everyone could just accept this and find a suitable life mate with similar interests.
This is the only time in my life that I was ecstatic to be wrong! Well, that and when I found out you COULD drink coffee when you were pregnant!
I can't believe that after only four years together we have gone through and accomplished so much. I remember us on a spontaneous trip to the Keys with our friends, frolicking carefree through our sand flea infested campsite and talking about how one day we would get married and never have kids ( what a drag!) and travel the world.
And now here we are :) I know when we're both sitting on the couch watching our beautiful children do ridiculous things that no amount of free-time or Italian travels could possibly compare with all the fun, and all the love, right there in our front room.
And, despite my suspicion that true love was a trap to get people to buy Valentine's Day Cards - unobtainable, imaginary, story book fodder, romance novel nonsense- I find myself swelling with love when I sign my last name the same as his and think to myself with a Cinderella sigh, "I'm going to live happily ever after."
Happy Anniversary, Jar!!!
People are reading my blog!
You are all obsessed with me. (Fair enough.)
Jared. I can barely say his name without sighing. Ask my family, friends, co-workers - it's got to be sickening.
I didn't believe in fairy tale romances or "sweep you off your feet" love. Period. I thought that love and marriage were practical, and nice, and that if people approached marriage more like a steady partnership and less like they were going to live happily ever after we would all be better off. Falling deeply in love and getting butterflies every time you cuddle was a myth and it was best if everyone could just accept this and find a suitable life mate with similar interests.
This is the only time in my life that I was ecstatic to be wrong! Well, that and when I found out you COULD drink coffee when you were pregnant!
I can't believe that after only four years together we have gone through and accomplished so much. I remember us on a spontaneous trip to the Keys with our friends, frolicking carefree through our sand flea infested campsite and talking about how one day we would get married and never have kids ( what a drag!) and travel the world.
And now here we are :) I know when we're both sitting on the couch watching our beautiful children do ridiculous things that no amount of free-time or Italian travels could possibly compare with all the fun, and all the love, right there in our front room.
And, despite my suspicion that true love was a trap to get people to buy Valentine's Day Cards - unobtainable, imaginary, story book fodder, romance novel nonsense- I find myself swelling with love when I sign my last name the same as his and think to myself with a Cinderella sigh, "I'm going to live happily ever after."
Happy Anniversary, Jar!!!
9.07.2010
School!
I wasn't ready to talk about Dylan's first days of school initially as I wanted to be 100% sure that it was the right thing to do. I was hovering in the 90th percentile for the better part of 2010, but I didn't want to give it a real review until I was certain that it was, or was not, the right thing for Dylan.
I am very happy to say that this was absolutely the right choice for our boy!
This is his third week and honestly, after day one I was a believer! He gave his teachers high-fives when I picked him up, sat cross-legged while eating a snack at my parents house and responded to a direct question, all within twenty minutes of him being released for the day! We were all blown away!
Day two we were equally impressed to see how well he had already adjusted to Big Boy World. I knew he was amazing, but I didn't know that he would be able to hold hands with his classmates and walk in line, or tolerate the loud bells and busses as he walked toward me for pick up.
The second week of school held the biggest challenge that I have faced not just as a mother, but as a human...even more panic inducing than realizing that bikini season was around the corner or that Cinderella was going back into the Disney Vault before I could buy it - I had to put him on THE SCHOOL BUS.
How could you put him on a bus? He's only three! You know he's not verbal right? What if he gets off at the wrong stop - I mean, if Lylli got off at the wrong stop it would be a celebration, but this is DYLAN we're talking about here! This is your good kid! What if he's totally terrified of the noises? What if the other kids are bullies? What if they don't see him because he leaned over and they park the bus in 114 degree heat and he can't get to his juice because he's not very good at opening his lunch box and then when someone finds him dehydrated in the afternoon no one knows what to do with him because he couldn't tell them who he was and that was the last you saw of your boy!!??
That's a brief snapshot of what ran through my head 24-7 for about a month before this transition which is why I would cry hysterically watching Finding Nemo or every "Back to School!" sign I saw at Target.
Have no fear though, we, of course, did not send our non-verbal angel off to school in the school bus from hell that my mom-brain was conjuring, we sent him off on an amazing bus which picks him up and drops him off at the front door of my parent's place! A bus that has car seats and only five or six other riders, all of which are also autistic and in Dylan's school group! I have personally watched the bus driver, and bus aide unload these children (none of them much bigger than their backpack!) directly into the arms of their teachers and teachers aides, where they all sit and wait for the car riders until school starts.
And of course, like everything else with Dylan, he completely surpassed all of my expectations. The first day I came to work late so that I could get him on the bus safely and know that he was okay, and I was very pleased! The bus driver is a nice ol' grandma, and after I hugged and kissed my boy and told him to have an amazing day, he did something that he's never done. He waved at me (not that unusual) but also said, "bye, bye, mooooom!"
Faint.
I almost fainted off of a bus. Just like in high school when I gave blood on the BloodMobile.
I held it together long enough to tell Lylli bye and ignore my mom's face which was nearly about to explode with tears, hopped in my car and cried, cried, cried. I was so proud! I was so excited! I was so...not prepared for any of this!
As I wiped the tears from my eyes I pulled up to the light and the car in front of me switched lanes. I didn't even notice at first, but then realized with excitement that shouldn't come from a grown woman that I was right behind his bus! I wanted to honk! I wanted to blow kisses and scream that my amazing kid was on there JUST LIKE A "NORMAL" KID! I knew I had enough time to jump into the emergency exit and give him one last hug! But then I saw him sitting there as content and happy as ever reading his school bus book and took a deep breath.
We made the right choices and we did the right things for him. We prepped and we stressed and struggled and celebrated with him every day, and because of that he was going to school and it was going to be awesome for him.
I love being right. ;)
-KelStar
I am very happy to say that this was absolutely the right choice for our boy!
This is his third week and honestly, after day one I was a believer! He gave his teachers high-fives when I picked him up, sat cross-legged while eating a snack at my parents house and responded to a direct question, all within twenty minutes of him being released for the day! We were all blown away!
Day two we were equally impressed to see how well he had already adjusted to Big Boy World. I knew he was amazing, but I didn't know that he would be able to hold hands with his classmates and walk in line, or tolerate the loud bells and busses as he walked toward me for pick up.
The second week of school held the biggest challenge that I have faced not just as a mother, but as a human...even more panic inducing than realizing that bikini season was around the corner or that Cinderella was going back into the Disney Vault before I could buy it - I had to put him on THE SCHOOL BUS.
How could you put him on a bus? He's only three! You know he's not verbal right? What if he gets off at the wrong stop - I mean, if Lylli got off at the wrong stop it would be a celebration, but this is DYLAN we're talking about here! This is your good kid! What if he's totally terrified of the noises? What if the other kids are bullies? What if they don't see him because he leaned over and they park the bus in 114 degree heat and he can't get to his juice because he's not very good at opening his lunch box and then when someone finds him dehydrated in the afternoon no one knows what to do with him because he couldn't tell them who he was and that was the last you saw of your boy!!??
That's a brief snapshot of what ran through my head 24-7 for about a month before this transition which is why I would cry hysterically watching Finding Nemo or every "Back to School!" sign I saw at Target.
Have no fear though, we, of course, did not send our non-verbal angel off to school in the school bus from hell that my mom-brain was conjuring, we sent him off on an amazing bus which picks him up and drops him off at the front door of my parent's place! A bus that has car seats and only five or six other riders, all of which are also autistic and in Dylan's school group! I have personally watched the bus driver, and bus aide unload these children (none of them much bigger than their backpack!) directly into the arms of their teachers and teachers aides, where they all sit and wait for the car riders until school starts.
And of course, like everything else with Dylan, he completely surpassed all of my expectations. The first day I came to work late so that I could get him on the bus safely and know that he was okay, and I was very pleased! The bus driver is a nice ol' grandma, and after I hugged and kissed my boy and told him to have an amazing day, he did something that he's never done. He waved at me (not that unusual) but also said, "bye, bye, mooooom!"
Faint.
I almost fainted off of a bus. Just like in high school when I gave blood on the BloodMobile.
I held it together long enough to tell Lylli bye and ignore my mom's face which was nearly about to explode with tears, hopped in my car and cried, cried, cried. I was so proud! I was so excited! I was so...not prepared for any of this!
As I wiped the tears from my eyes I pulled up to the light and the car in front of me switched lanes. I didn't even notice at first, but then realized with excitement that shouldn't come from a grown woman that I was right behind his bus! I wanted to honk! I wanted to blow kisses and scream that my amazing kid was on there JUST LIKE A "NORMAL" KID! I knew I had enough time to jump into the emergency exit and give him one last hug! But then I saw him sitting there as content and happy as ever reading his school bus book and took a deep breath.
We made the right choices and we did the right things for him. We prepped and we stressed and struggled and celebrated with him every day, and because of that he was going to school and it was going to be awesome for him.
I love being right. ;)
-KelStar
8.03.2010
Registered!
Our favorite little monkey is officially registered for his ASD Pre-K Program!! It seems so much more real ( and exciting!) now that he has a student number and a file with his name on it at his elementary school.
I walked out in tears thinking, "This is it, your baby is going to school. Every four hour appointment you've taken him to is totally worth it right now. He's going to rock at this."
And I know he will. He's going to love playing with other kids! His teacher and the other students are going to teach him things and draw parts out of him that his family can't - something Jared and I are really looking forward to.
Seeing the huge steps he's taken with therapy alone has been so encouraging, I'm really excited to see what milestones he crosses after being around other children all day. I can't wait until he comes home swearing :) A parents' dream!
Orientation is the 23rd and I'm as excited to have him meet as teacher as I used to be about "no cover until midnight" flyers!
High-five, Dylan. You've got the best support system in the world and the most amazing personality - you're a rockstar and this is going to be a blast!!
A very happy Kel*Star signing off.
I walked out in tears thinking, "This is it, your baby is going to school. Every four hour appointment you've taken him to is totally worth it right now. He's going to rock at this."
And I know he will. He's going to love playing with other kids! His teacher and the other students are going to teach him things and draw parts out of him that his family can't - something Jared and I are really looking forward to.
Seeing the huge steps he's taken with therapy alone has been so encouraging, I'm really excited to see what milestones he crosses after being around other children all day. I can't wait until he comes home swearing :) A parents' dream!
Orientation is the 23rd and I'm as excited to have him meet as teacher as I used to be about "no cover until midnight" flyers!
High-five, Dylan. You've got the best support system in the world and the most amazing personality - you're a rockstar and this is going to be a blast!!
A very happy Kel*Star signing off.
8.01.2010
To Jared, on his 30th (gasp!) Birthday!
30 reasons I love you despite your...condition. (Dinosaurism)
1. You're WAY cooler than any 18 year olds I know.
2. You rock polo shirts and don't look like a South Tampa troll.
3. You can retire in only 30 years and I can collect some of that sweet money eventually!
4. Dat booty.
5. While you can't change a diaper for anything, you're good with blood. We're a good tag team.
6. You kill spiders. <3
7. You ALWAYS push the double stroller whenever there's a slight incline.
8. You introduced me to Pavement, Bright Eyes, and Superchunk.
9. You got me to watch Alien. And Aliens. I don't know why I thought they would be so scary.
10. I got you to eat sushi. You are infinitely more cultured for of this.
11. You light up when Dylan says a new word or does something out of the ordinary. It melts me to see how proud you are of our little man.
12. You are wrapped around Lylli's finger when she's being her terribly adorable self. It's funny.
13. You never roll your eyes when I refuse to do something becuase, "I'm a princess."
14. You always notice new clothes and new haircuts.
15. You never comment on what my hair looks like before the flat iron attacks it.
16. You'll eat cookies and milk for dinner with me when it's been that kind of day.
17. You'll rub my feeties every night if I need it.
18. You have the world's best scruff.
19. You shave off the world's best scruff, despite how rugged and handsome you look, because it's prickly and tickly and makes me avoid your kisses like the plague. ;)
20. You held my hand the entire visit to Dylan's school and told me the whole way home that he was going to be fine.
21. You taught me to drive stick...I would never go back!
22. You make me and the minis Big Breakfast every weekend.
23. You are, hands down, the most charming person I've ever met. It's dangerous.
24. You can quote IASIP with me all day and never miss a beat.
25. You get my jokes. Always. And you think they're funny!
26. You taught me to love summer and Shark Week.
27. You still open doors for me.
28. You would fight someone to death for me..probably even if I was wrong.
29. You instantly believe the explination for most things is: ghosts, hauntings, aliens, Bermuda Triangle.
30. You're an amazing husband and an incredible father - you never let us down.
I love you big bad inspite of your creaking joints and inability to get off of the couch without making an "oof!" noise.
No worries, I'll keep you fresh with my eternal youth. I love you very much, birthday boy!
May the next 365 days be the best you've ever had.
One love. Zip it up and zip it out,
Kel
1. You're WAY cooler than any 18 year olds I know.
2. You rock polo shirts and don't look like a South Tampa troll.
3. You can retire in only 30 years and I can collect some of that sweet money eventually!
4. Dat booty.
5. While you can't change a diaper for anything, you're good with blood. We're a good tag team.
6. You kill spiders. <3
7. You ALWAYS push the double stroller whenever there's a slight incline.
8. You introduced me to Pavement, Bright Eyes, and Superchunk.
9. You got me to watch Alien. And Aliens. I don't know why I thought they would be so scary.
10. I got you to eat sushi. You are infinitely more cultured for of this.
11. You light up when Dylan says a new word or does something out of the ordinary. It melts me to see how proud you are of our little man.
12. You are wrapped around Lylli's finger when she's being her terribly adorable self. It's funny.
13. You never roll your eyes when I refuse to do something becuase, "I'm a princess."
14. You always notice new clothes and new haircuts.
15. You never comment on what my hair looks like before the flat iron attacks it.
16. You'll eat cookies and milk for dinner with me when it's been that kind of day.
17. You'll rub my feeties every night if I need it.
18. You have the world's best scruff.
19. You shave off the world's best scruff, despite how rugged and handsome you look, because it's prickly and tickly and makes me avoid your kisses like the plague. ;)
20. You held my hand the entire visit to Dylan's school and told me the whole way home that he was going to be fine.
21. You taught me to drive stick...I would never go back!
22. You make me and the minis Big Breakfast every weekend.
23. You are, hands down, the most charming person I've ever met. It's dangerous.
24. You can quote IASIP with me all day and never miss a beat.
25. You get my jokes. Always. And you think they're funny!
26. You taught me to love summer and Shark Week.
27. You still open doors for me.
28. You would fight someone to death for me..probably even if I was wrong.
29. You instantly believe the explination for most things is: ghosts, hauntings, aliens, Bermuda Triangle.
30. You're an amazing husband and an incredible father - you never let us down.
I love you big bad inspite of your creaking joints and inability to get off of the couch without making an "oof!" noise.
No worries, I'll keep you fresh with my eternal youth. I love you very much, birthday boy!
May the next 365 days be the best you've ever had.
One love. Zip it up and zip it out,
Kel
6.14.2010
Boxers or Briefs? Or Do I Put a Tarp Down in the House?
You know the fun thing about potty training a little boy? He gets to wear adorable little boy undies with cars on them!
The end.
That and you're giving him life skills or whatever.
My mom (who managed to potty train three kids) has this on lock, but I'm still learning. She gets him to pee pee in the potty a couple of times a day and I get him to sit on the potty for a couple of minutes with no such reward, but still, progress! I remember a time when asking Dylan to sit down was like asking Jared to get all the things on the grocery list: Impossible and frustrating because they didn't yet have those skills.
Just getting him to sit and not scream or want to get up immediately is huge for us, and that he's actually making potty progress blows me away!
I don't think he really gets what we're doing, but with Dyl is a slow process with near perfect results. Once the boy gets something, he really, really gets it and doesn't mess it up. His probably the best teeth brusher I've ever seen, and when he understands how to say a word, he says it like a grown up.
That being said, wish our whole family luck because if it ever takes a village to do anything, that something is potty training a Dylan :)
Ooh, sidebar! Jared went on a small grocery trip last night and got EVERYTHING on the list, including wet wipes (baby things are mysterious to him, he may have come back with Clorox wipes, you can never tell,) which means that even a Jare Bear can learn! I'll keep you posted on how many things in our house are ruined by urine or Jared's inattention to detail until we get this under control!
-KelStar
(Love you Jared. You're a good shopper. Sometimes. If the list is only five things. And none of those things are for me or the kids. <3)
The end.
That and you're giving him life skills or whatever.
My mom (who managed to potty train three kids) has this on lock, but I'm still learning. She gets him to pee pee in the potty a couple of times a day and I get him to sit on the potty for a couple of minutes with no such reward, but still, progress! I remember a time when asking Dylan to sit down was like asking Jared to get all the things on the grocery list: Impossible and frustrating because they didn't yet have those skills.
Just getting him to sit and not scream or want to get up immediately is huge for us, and that he's actually making potty progress blows me away!
I don't think he really gets what we're doing, but with Dyl is a slow process with near perfect results. Once the boy gets something, he really, really gets it and doesn't mess it up. His probably the best teeth brusher I've ever seen, and when he understands how to say a word, he says it like a grown up.
That being said, wish our whole family luck because if it ever takes a village to do anything, that something is potty training a Dylan :)
Ooh, sidebar! Jared went on a small grocery trip last night and got EVERYTHING on the list, including wet wipes (baby things are mysterious to him, he may have come back with Clorox wipes, you can never tell,) which means that even a Jare Bear can learn! I'll keep you posted on how many things in our house are ruined by urine or Jared's inattention to detail until we get this under control!
-KelStar
(Love you Jared. You're a good shopper. Sometimes. If the list is only five things. And none of those things are for me or the kids. <3)
6.10.2010
#6. The Change of Life. Literally.
#6. What things did you give up when you became a mom that you really miss?
My rock hard abs and spontaneous trips with Jared and company. End transmission.
Possibly the biggest surprise for me about becoming "Mom" was how little things changed. I'm still me, I still do the same things that I have always done - everything just takes a little more planning and I have a permanent accessory which I get to dress however I want. I'm the Paris Hilton of working mothers.
I was terrified when I was pregnant with Dylan that I would never be able to go on a date with Jared or catch a movie with my girlfriends ever again, but in reality, not only do I still get to do all of those things, but now it means so much more to me. We don't just meet up like back in the day, we go out of our way to plan a fun night and we all care about being there. It's a very warm feeling to have to plan a get-together, actually.
My mom and dad are saints and watch both babies one night a month for us. Overnight. The whole shebang. That night Jared and I get off of work and pack so much fun into one night it'll make a college kid look as lame as YOUR parents, and then we sleep in, eat at Cracker Barrel (reppin' the hashbrown casserole, you feel me?) pick up the kids and enjoy our lives as Mommy and Daddy :)
Now that the kids (I'm looking at you, Lyl) are sleep trained, there is a whole new galaxy of possibilities! I get to hang out with my girlfriends about once a month, I can go and get haircuts that I don't have to squeeze into my lunch hour... I can eat my food while it's still hot. LUXURY, PEOPLE!!
In closing, spontaneity only exist for me if we randomly decide to order pizza instead of sushi but my abs are nearly back to their former glory. Nothing has changed, really, but everything is better.
-MomStar
My rock hard abs and spontaneous trips with Jared and company. End transmission.
Possibly the biggest surprise for me about becoming "Mom" was how little things changed. I'm still me, I still do the same things that I have always done - everything just takes a little more planning and I have a permanent accessory which I get to dress however I want. I'm the Paris Hilton of working mothers.
I was terrified when I was pregnant with Dylan that I would never be able to go on a date with Jared or catch a movie with my girlfriends ever again, but in reality, not only do I still get to do all of those things, but now it means so much more to me. We don't just meet up like back in the day, we go out of our way to plan a fun night and we all care about being there. It's a very warm feeling to have to plan a get-together, actually.
My mom and dad are saints and watch both babies one night a month for us. Overnight. The whole shebang. That night Jared and I get off of work and pack so much fun into one night it'll make a college kid look as lame as YOUR parents, and then we sleep in, eat at Cracker Barrel (reppin' the hashbrown casserole, you feel me?) pick up the kids and enjoy our lives as Mommy and Daddy :)
Now that the kids (I'm looking at you, Lyl) are sleep trained, there is a whole new galaxy of possibilities! I get to hang out with my girlfriends about once a month, I can go and get haircuts that I don't have to squeeze into my lunch hour... I can eat my food while it's still hot. LUXURY, PEOPLE!!
In closing, spontaneity only exist for me if we randomly decide to order pizza instead of sushi but my abs are nearly back to their former glory. Nothing has changed, really, but everything is better.
-MomStar
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