One Hand and a Thumb

Your favorite days are lazy with waves

If I could stop you from growing, I might.

Because a six year old boy and a half dozen toys

Still fits in my arms just right.

 

I can’t help but see little glimmers of me

When you laugh too hard, you have my eyes!

But that charm that you have? THAT you got from your dad

His grin and good looks suit you fine.

You’re my joy and my peace, when I’m stressed – my relief

The peach fuzz on your legs makes me swoon!

At half of my height, you still hold my hand tight

Please, please, please don’t grow up too soon.

One hand and a thumb, that’s how old you are, son!

A big kid. A best friend. A brother.

Today we’ll swing and we’ll slide (and I’ll tickle your sides!) 

Happy Birthday, D! Love, your mother.

A Cure

Question: If there was a cure for Autism, would you want it for Dylan?

Answer: This is a great question. I spent a very long time mulling it over.

Dylan and his autism are inseparable in a way, for me, at least. Would he be able to quote a movie from start to finish including the sound effects if he was neurotypical? Would he be able to listen to music and play it back on a keyboard? Would he use his soft little boy fingers to examine my elbows, nose, hair and cheeks? Would he carefully observe the way I do dishes, or how I paint my nails? Would he see a mechanism and spend hours figuring out how it worked? Would he play Hungry Hungry Hippos with his sister and then find a youtube video highlighting the game so that he could see how it worked and then imitate it? Would he be as sincere, patient, honest and innocent?

I love these things about Dylan. He loves these things about himself. He is proud of his quirks, though to him, they aren't quirks, they are who he is. And by that logic, I wouldn't change a thing about the little boy I am in love with.

Of course, I would do anything to help him overcome some of his challenges. If there was a magic spell I could cast that would allow him to speak everything on his mind, I would be very tempted to conjure up that voodoo. I would love to know everything that he is thinking, everything that he is taking apart and putting back together with his mind.

If there was a button that would make him expand his pallet and eat more food, eliminate his sensory issues and allow him to perfect his motor skills, I am almost certain that I would push it.

I would want to push it because some of these issues cause him physical discomfort and frustration, and I don't want either of those things for Dylan or Lylli. I want them to live perfect, care free lives and live in meadows barefoot chasing butterflies.

However, I did not have "the weight is a gift" tattooed on my shoulder because I thought it would look nice with a sundress. I got that phrase because I believe that overcoming makes for amazing results. Dylan is smashing through some obstacles and slowing climbing over others, but either way, his mind and soul are stronger and more capable because of these hurdles.

A cure would terrify me in the sense that I don't want any of those different parts of his brain to go away, but of course, I speak only for myself and our very specific situation with Dylan. All children, all people affected by Autism, are on a spectrum, and Dylan's "version" of this disorder is something that we can happily live with. It's not worth the risk of losing any part of Dylan in the pursuit of a cure. Especially with all of the advances in therapy, I believe that Dylan will lead a perfectly "normal" life.

As a mother, when I look into his greenblue starfire eyes, I don't see anything wrong with him to cure. I see an opportunity for genius to emerge if given the right tools. I'm doing my best to let him play with everything in the toolbox until he figures out what works best for him.

I expect great things from this boy. I expect magic. I expect him to always be a little different, and I think the world needs that.

Perhaps the "cure" is awareness - the cure is in the world's acceptance of this learning difference and of all disorder/disabilities.

I called Jared for his input and he wrapped it up succinctly: "I wouldn't want to change a thing about who Dylan is." We both agreed that if we could take away any of the GI issues his limited diet causes we would do that immediately, but we wouldn't change anything about Dylan's character, personality, or especially his good looks. Which he OBVIOUSLY got from us.

Thank you for the thought provoking question! I thought about this for an entire day before composing a response.

Now it's YOUR turn! Ask away! I'll be here all month! (Bah-dum Tssshhh!)

There's Nothing You and I Won't Do.

I can't get close enough to you.

I've often wished, mid-embrace, we weren't a solid form - that we could flow in and out of each other like liquid.

I've hoped that I could stop the world and melt with you.

Two beautiful children and endless perfect moments later, I realize now that this is what we have done. Our hearts, our auras, our thoughts, our ways, our glances, our wishes, our kisses, our minds make up an "us." A shared existence revealed itself to me.

I had never hoped that someone would love me so completely, and I never considered that someone like me, with defensive layers stacked strategically around my heart and mind, would be able to fall so madly and unconditionally in love.

You unlocked a softness inside me that I did not know existed, and discovered strength in me that I had been too insecure to harness.

So on your birthday, I make a fool of myself, telling the world that I am better because of you. Happier, healthier, and bursting with love - because of you. A smile on my face and a song in my heart - because of you.

We've spent years stopping the world so that we could melt together, and I still can't get close enough to you.

All my love on your birthday, my Jared!

Kelli

There Are 105 Weekend Days in 2012

I am exhausted, and it feels so good - like when you have a really great workout and you know your gams are lookin' great.

Just kidding, I'm not even sure where my gams/hams/quads are located, but I know that when I finish an impossibly huge project just before a deadline or manage to get all the laundry clean at one time that I feel like a superhero despite the fatigue, and tonight, that's exactly how I feel. These past two weekends were memory making at it's finest.

My cheeks are sore from smiling and my eyes actually ache from crying tears of joy. This is why I have to wear sunglasses everywhere when I'm with the kids or Jared, I'm continually watering up because I am in disbelief that these people, my favorite people in the galaxy, are the same people that I get to live with and love everyday.

Dylan's 5th Birthday is later this month, but it falls around Memorial Day so we celebrate early to avoid crowds and Jared having a panic attack. We're inside people on Memorial Day Weekend.

We celebrated last weekend by taking the boy to the beach to celebrate with family and friends, and we celebrated this weekend with our parents at the Magic Kingdom, and then visited a freakin sweet resort that had a lazy river...a lazy river steps from our hotel room, folks. This little monkey was in heaven.

The very best part of all the birthdaying was simply this: he got it. He doesn't understand that it's his birthday, he doesn't understand that he's a year older, but he knew that we were celebrating HIM. He knew that we were doing all of his favorite things and that we were focused on giving him a great birthday, and I have been waiting five years to have him open his presents, blow out his candles, and understand that this was HIS special day. Or in this case, special several weekends!

And of course, I didn't forget about special time with my crazy princess! My mom and I went to Disney on Ice with her earlier this afternoon, and now, my jaw is actually throbbing from wearing this ridiculous smile on my face for about two hours straight.

I saw my son and daughter cuddle all over each other, my Dylz stare at the ocean, defeat Zurg, splish splash in a zero entry pool and pick out an outrageously overpriced Mickey Mouse balloon, and watched Lylli's eyes beam in wonder at Repunzel swinging from the rafters by her hair, heard her whisper, "Mom. Dad. I LOVE the places you take me," and ride down a lazy river with her dad.

Bliss.

I work hard. I stay sleep deprived and stressed to meet the needs of clients and family alike, and I have always known that my family is totally worth it. Every late night and early morning is driven not only by a desire to do right by my clients and other people that depend on me, but inspired by the love I have for the peeps under this roof.

These past two weekends have been non-stop packing, shopping driving, checking off long lists of everything everyone needs to be happy away from our home, and go-go-going. My body aches from my head to those fabled gams, but I had a perfect time with my loves, and my soul is happy and content despite the bags under my eyes and the endless amount of unpacking that's left to do.

Back to the grind tomorrow so that we can enjoy the remaining weekend days in 2012...and beyond!

Four Words

I want to shout and scream and jump and dance! This has been an AMAZING week for Dylan and it's only Tuesday!

Sunday afternoon he told my mom "Go outside!" and also, "Go inside!" when he was done. This is a big deal. Bigger than the Legend of Ron Burgandy.

He has been following my verbal directions with limited physical prompts and I feel like I could throw up everytime I ask him to do something and he does it. It's almost too much for me to see him make these connections; the excitement literally ties my stomach in knots!

I am very honest about his autism. It can be hard and there are times when I want to speed up his progress. I desperately want to have verbal conversations with my D-Bear and I think that's a very normal feeling for a parent. I do feels pings of jealousy when other mothers can have lunch with their little boys and can talk about trains and monsters or whatever.

But, those moments are fleeting,few and far between. Whatever verbal conversations that I will have with Dylan are WORTH THE WAIT! The conversations I have with him now mean everything to me, and I know he feels, and reciprocates, my love. We have inside jokes. We have our own games and faces that only each other knows. I know I'm not missing out on a thing, in fact, God has blessed me with two children who are much more amazing that I could have ever imagined.

I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. He and I have an ability to connect in a place where words are unnecessary.

I want what every mother wants: a happy, healthy child who is a productive member of society with a minimal arrest record.

Tonight I asked him, "What's up buddy?" when he was grabbing my hand. "Go to my bedroom?" was his response.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Look out world. Hide ya kids,hide ya wife, cuz we Dylanating everybody up in here.

Pro Tips - How to Start a Business

So, you want to start your own business and you're looking for an expert to tell you how to do it? This is not the right blog for that.

However, I do have some honest advice and hot tips for anyone looking to go all entrepreneur up in here.

#1. Get Laid Off From a Stable Job
This will send you into a rage panic strong enough to make you consider actually starting your own business. Having people support you in this decision is very nice, but without pure desperation, angst, depression and fists full of your own hair, you may not be able to fully commit to this journey.

#2. Cry Buying New Office Supplies
There is nothing like the panic attack that will hit you in a supply discount store as you spend money to support a business that you haven't received a paycheck from yet. Openly weep. Other people spending hundreds on printers, copiers, and nice pens around you are probably about to have a nervous breakdown also. Let it out. Be a trend setter. Buy nice pens and a leather notebook to show your legit before you have received your articles of incorporation/organization.

#3. Marry Someone with Good Insurance.
Being self employed means saying buh-bye to sick days, vacation, endless supplies of easily stolen office supplies, and health insurance. Either never get sick again or chose wisely when you say "I do." If your man/woman doesn't have good insurance, Zorro Z snap at them and go find someone you can leech off of in case you sprain your ankle. This step can come pretty much anywhere in the start up process but make sure you're on their policy before cold and flu season.

#4. Women - Get a tubal ligation.
Have your babies and make sure you can never end up with people in your womb again. No employer means no maternity leave, no FMLA and no short term disability. What's that? You love your significant other and want to start a family AND start a business? Don't be stupid.

#6. Invest in 5-Hour Energy Stock.
You may never be so tired in your life as when you are starting up and running your own business. Days start before the sun and never seem to end. Work well past midnight and sleep restlestly trying to remember if you checked everything off of the to do list. At the end of the day it's not a company that you work for that's on the line, it's YOU and YOUR REPUTATION that's on the line. Try not to suck. Pound a Red Bull, snort some Folgers and meet your deadlines.

#7. Be Prepared to Hear How Easy You Must Have it Because You Make the Rules. Learn How to Avoid Punching People in the Eye Socket When They Say This.
Listen, or read, closely - You do not make the rules when you have a business! In fact, you play by several people's rules instead of like the old days where you answered to one boss. Even TPS reports were universal...nothing is when you work for so many different people. Understand that it's your name in high gloss on the business cards but it's everyone else's priorities. You are playing basketball on a 100 yard field with shortstops and half court shots. Or something. It's all over the place. Be cool. Stare at "President|Owner" printed under your name on correspondence and your company name on checks you receieve in the mail to combat this frustration.

#8. Go Bananas on Linkedin
Update the whole internet world that you, a mere person, have created an entity which now has a website, county license and tax ID number. You are AWESOME and you need to share how ambitious you are with your peers constantly. Request new contacts be in your network as if these are the people that will get you through a zombie apocolypse. Get a profile picture that screams, "I'm professional, but I still love the way says Han Solo , 'I know.' " Make sure to totally forget you have this account and ignore for weeks. Come back to see that you have MORE PEOPLE that you may want to add to your circle. Join every group you can in hopes of expanding your business. Eventually send all of the correspondence from linked in to your spam mail.

#9. Get Excited About all the Small/New Business Programs in Your Area!
Never go. Get too busy running a business to try and figure out if you're doing it right. Call your friends who are lawyers, tax advisors, florsts, bakers, teachers, gymanasts, bartenders, WHATEVER, and ask THEM for advice on what to put on your W9. Come to the realization that all the information available online is too confusing for you and decide to hire a tax person eventually. Also decide that you will use your swagger to pay them in coupon codes for free website formatting and Search Engine Optimization and consulting or whatever it is that you decide to do.

#10. Call one of your best friends to name your company. You are a successful and edgy business person who owns a pant suit, you don't have time to name your own adventure. Or you suck at it. Whatever. Call Tara Foreman and have her figure it out. High five your spouse when the name gives you goosebumps. Long distance respect knuckles to my T.

Now you have all the information you could possibly need to get out there and just do it. If you are currently employed steal as much as you can from your office supply room, make a business plan in a Lisa Frank notebook with your husband, and go get 'em!

It workd for me ;)

The (Rumore) House Wins

Everyone is great at giving parenting advice if they don't have your kids.

I hit the kid lottery when I scored Dylan and Lylli. Anyone who's ever met me, including drive-thru workers and Publix cashiers, knows that I am crazy about my little jackpots.

Even though I'm slightly blinded by their awesomeness, I'm very aware that they are not always perfect. Sort of like Jared...he's very handsome and his charm could stop Mike Tyson from chompin' on lobes, but sometimes he doesn't take out the trash and I have cheery visions of pushing him into traffic.

Like all other parents, with the exception of Mary and Joseph, my children are not shining examples of model behavior 100% of the time. They fuss, make messes, talk back, whine about things that make me roll my eyes and whisper violently at them to knock it off before I lose my mind, and end up in time out and the quiet chair for being straight up annoying and crazy.

You would think that a community of like minded people, i.e, parents, would have each others' back and offer support for other stressed out, overwhelmed, moms, dads and parental guardians.

So many times the people that could be your biggest allies end up being the very people that bring you down. The judgemental, unwanted, back-handed advice and sheer ignorance is enough to make you home school your minis and and resort to a diet of fried foods and vodka.

In my case, I have a wonderful,supportive family. My Mom and Dad couldn't be any better at the whole grandparent gig and my in-laws love their grandkids unconditionally. They are on board with the decisions we make for the kids and offer help when we ask for it. They care about the kids' well being, happiness and success as much as Jared and I do.

Even so, I have had the judgemental looks from strangers when Dylan babbles or doesn't follow my simple directions and I want to either melt or smash them with a hammer. That's not something you should be subjected to in your daily life.

I've been the recipient of nasty glares when Lylli has a tantrum after hours of perfect behavior. Her vocabulary is out of control and her story telling is better than your seven year old's, chill out with the dirty glares if she's melting down because of a napless afternoon and too much running around. "If that we're MY daughter I'd teach her not to have outbursts!" If she was your daughter you'd be the luckiest person on the planet, you would hear you are beautiful and loved every day, you would get pretend meals and coffee every morning, and you would get an endless supply of hilarity. And even though she's a genius princess rock star she would still go all "three years old" on you and lose her cool over three year old things. Sucker.

Having an autistic child has made me an incredibly sympathetic parent. My son has a silent, unrecognizable diagnosis. People who look in his beautiful eyes have no idea at first glance what he's had to overcome. Likewise, I don't know what invisible problems other parents, or people in general, are overcoming.

I'm looking for appropriate ways to tell people their advice or criticism is unwanted, unnecessary and to put it bluntly, rude, uninformed and obnoxious. It's not something I deal with often but it would be nice to have a zippy one-liner for overzealous advisers.

I'll continue to have compassion on people with the two year old son screaming about candy in a WalMart. That kid is probably a sweetheart doll baby when he's rested and not out grocery shopping in the pits of hell that is a discount super center.

Or maybe he's a selfish, loud, annoying brat and sucks at life. If that's the case his parents are already too aware that their kid is a punk and don't need your help pointing that out to them on the canned food aisle.

Until you've walked the endless miles of scaring away monsters, finding the right stuffed animal, attending therapy session in the middle of your workday, praying for your kids sincerely every night or teaching them every minute that you can, in MY very capable shoes, then keep your comments to yourself. Until you have raised my kids day in and day out, you are not allowed to have a negative opinion unless they stab someone or steal a car.

I had a theory that parents are rough on other parents to disguise their own child's shortcomings. The more experience I have with other people who spawned life, I'm pretty sure that's the case.

So let this be a lesson to all those difficult, critical, quick to judge parents out there: If you give me grief about my kid I'll assume that yours will end up on Bay News 9 for larceny or psycho tantrums or drunk driving to elementary school and also go ahead and instantly come to conclusion that my monkeys are way better than whatever you are raising.

My kids are the Powerball of all munchkins - they are adorable and smart and they love me like a best friend, caregiver and comedian. I'll take those odds any day.

Today I

Cuddled with two adorable, warm, soft, pj'd kids. Twice. Morning and night.

Chitty chatted with my Mom and Dad when I dropped of the kids, had a laugh and felt tons of love. Realized their home will always be my "safe, happy place". Hoped I provided the same thing for my kids.

Worked hard while drinking coffee from Tara and Mike in a cup from Tara and Mike.

Felt the breeze and the sun that comes from the start of a Florida fall.

Kissed the most handsome charm-machine in the world.

Taught a class of 2nd-5th graders about living in space.

Made plans with Laura to make spooky cupcakes with the minis.

Laughed at pictures of my crazy Stephanie and lived vicariously through her antics.

Ate chili that Adam made for lunch.

Celebrated Amanda's new job by clapping to myself.

Window shopped for my almost-here nephew, Sebastian.

Stared at Dustin and Metta's lovely Irene and made mental plans to visit super soon.

Flipped through pictures of my husband's family Christmas gathering from last year and got excited about the holidays.

Took advice from my daughter on what to wear.

Had a knowing smile exhange with my son.

Tucked both of my kids in and couldn't wait to see them in the morning.

Blogged about my blessings, got really mushy after such a beautiful day, prayed for my loved ones, tried to save this moment in my heart hard drive for a forever pick-me-up and went to bed a very grateful girl.

Powers

The other night Jared asked me a typical late night Jared question: If you could have any super/mutant power, what would it be?

Too many commercials for X-Men First Class had him fantasizing about walking through walls and throwing Jeeps through black holes or whatever it is that thirty-something men would do if they had limitless power.

For as long as I have been asked that question I have always had the same response. "I would want to read minds."

I can't say that I've ever thought I would use the power for good, I usually imagined myself exploiting people Jedi style with a wave of my hand uttering, "This is not the checking account you want to deduct that payment from," and "you will install movie channels for me free of charge," and watching people bend to my superior will which apparently, mostly involves me getting things for free.

Moving magnets, shape shifting, invisibility and teleporting were topics fiercely debated between the two of us when I suddenly thought out loud, "But...what if I could read Dylan's mind."

That would be the greatest super power.

The other night he was annoyed that I needed him to come upstairs to get changed which meant he would need to be dragged away from The Clone Wars ( I empathize, Dyl, I do!) and snapped, "Don't touch me!" I could have cried tears of joy!! I mean, not exactly the words that every mother wants to hear, but they were appropriate words for what he was feeling at the moment and that is something that we don't get to experience with Dylan often.

Could you imagine the possibilities if I could touch my temples and suddenly be one with his thoughts? His feelings? I wonder if he thinks in words, or in emotions, or pictures. I would love to mind meld with him and figure it all out.

I know he completely understands most of what I tell him becuase I see the compliance in his eyes when he doesn't mind doing what I ask and the defiance when he's not in agreement with my requests. I can see beyond the challenges he has with verbal communication and can read his body language and his tone of voice. I can tell that sometimes he completely ignores me on purpose and it makes me smile becuase it's so completely typical of a four year old, it makess me aware that he and I speak the same langauge, even if that language is just between the two of us.

So, maybe I've already harnassed the power of my favorite mutant power. Dylan and I, and those who love him in and out and know his cranky sigh from his mischevious squint, can read each others' minds. I think it's definitely reciprocal. I can communicate with Dylan in raised eyebrows, pursed lips, giggles and large grins. We don't need words for either of us to feel the love that we so obviously have for each other.

As much as I would love to literally read his mind and put all the puzzle pieces together to satisfy my own curiosity, there's no need. I can already see his thoughts and see into his heart, and he is telling me right now that he is happy, loved, learning and silly.

And if he continues to make the progress he is making, in not too long, he'll be able to tell me word for word what's on his beautiful mind.

Hopefully it's something more insightful than "Don't touch me!"

Work Life Balance. I Have It.

I have never been more exhausted in my life, but I've also never felt so in control or so balanced.

There are days I get up at 5am to start my work and don't close my laptop in triumph until 2am. There are times when I have so many meetings that the commute alone ties up my most productive hours of the day. There are moments that I'm certain I've over extended myself and I eat several donuts and pasta dishes to slow down my panicked heart rate.

I love it.

It's a blessing to have this opportunity and even though it all worked on paper beforehand, I'll admit that with every paycheck made out to Rumore Has It, LLC I am slightly surprised and amused that this is working!

I am working more hours, and the hours are more non-traditional than most people keep, but that means that I can spend my time with my family during the hours that it makes the most sense. Before starting my own business I got to see them at night and on weekends, and now, I have an option. I'm free to volunteer at Dylan's school every week and to take Lylli to Mommy and Me classes.

I'll work at 2am for the rest of my life if it means that I can have the flexibility to be with my family during the hours that matter most to me.

I'm completely exhausted from work, but for the first time I can say that I am getting sincere satisfaction from all of my efforts.

The greatest benefit is being able to be there for my precious babies and gorgeous husband whenever they need me...but the paychecks are pretty sweet, too.(Duh. Mama's got bills, y'all!)

-Kel

July 15th, 2011 is the birthdate of my business, Rumore Has It, LLC! Already I am so proud of what I have created that I find it appropriate to give the business a "birthdate." In the same way I made people, I made a business! Say what?? I know. I can't believe it either.

I can't take nearly as much credit as I would like, however. It wasn't even my idea. My former supervisor who was let go the same day I was from my corporate gig tossed it out there at lunch one day. I thought about his suggestion that I become a professional assistant with great hesitation, knowing deep down I wasn't going to pursue it and I was going to nab another "real" job.

Still, the idea nagged at me for the remainder of the day and eventually into the night. I stole Dylan's iPad at around midnight and started researching starting my own Virtual Assistant business and to my astonishment, I started to get excited about going off of the beaten path and doing my own thing.

By the time I got up the next morning I was comitted to learning more and introducing the idea seriously to Jared, who was immediately 100% supportive. And so the journey began!

Truth be told, the set up was harder than I thought. The easiest part was getting a company name becuase I didn't have to do it. The lovely and endlessly talented Tara sent me the text that really set me on fire and motivated me to tackle this! "Rumore has it" should at the very least be your tagline."

I looked up at Jared and said, "That's it! She's a genius!"

So basically, my experience with starting my own business went something like this: Get laid off.
Get super, super depressed because you poured your lifeblood into a company that laid you off and made you pack up your office which had an embarrassingly large pantry of food and two floor lamps. TWO!
Wallow around in sadness for three days. Eat icecream at the community pool and openly cry.
Enjoy all the time you have with your beautiful children. Drink iced coffee at 10am at the park.
Apply everywhere. Include excellent references. Have everyone tell you that you're overqualified. Murmer, "I am not overqualified to TAKE YOUR MONEY!" under your breath at every interview.
Let your old boss come up with your business model.
Let your close friend come up with your business name.
Start working from home.
Cry tears of joy as you hit "send" when emailing your very first invoice with your company logo from your company email.
Nearly faint when you tell people that you have clients. With an s! PLURAL!!

So far the most difficult hurdle, aside from the depression, was all the legal mumbo jumbo and buying the equipment to get started. It made me feel so vunerable to invest in something when I had no steady income. I believe in what I am doing, but even so, self doubt and annxiety plauged me the most the day I bought my office equipment and paid for my licenses. "You have to spend money to make money," I told myself half-heartdely. The other part of my brain screamed, "YOU HAVE TO MAKE MONEY TO FEED YOUR FAMILY, YOU IDIOT! PUT THE DEBIT CARD AWAY!"

But, before I had the chance to suffer at the county tax collector's office getting my occupational tax receipt, or take the time to visit three of my bank's branches to properly set up an account in an LLC, I had clients that wanted to pay me to do things that I am very good at doing. Knowing that there was not only demand for my skill set but demand for me personally gave me so much confidence and is a source of comfort when I do deal with doubt.

It's wonderul and terrifying to know that everything is on me this time around. I trust me as a person and as a professional to do an outstanding job for my clients. I am very excited to grow my business and I have a beautiful vision of what this will mean for our family.

I feel so blessed to even have an opportunity to start this adventure and even though if I'm honest I haven't shaken off all of my nervousness and anxiety yet, I am excited and confident that I will succeed.

Tomorrow I am signing another client contract and I also am interviewing with a potential client. I still can't believe how in control I feel!

I'll leave you with this. So far the worst parts of having your own business is:
The stress
The stress
The stress

The best part of having your own business is:
Being in charge of the thermostat
Eating pizza rolls for breakfast without being judged
Working outside in the breeze or inside in the recyliner
Spending so much more time with what recharges me: my family

Here's to me writing "How I Became a Ridiculously Successful Business Owner in One Year," on July 15th, 2012.

-Kel

Annual Neurologist Appointment

I gleefully left work on this rainy day to pick Dylan from school and felt a surge of pride when I saw him happily sitting in his seat at a table with his classmates.

"That's my baby!" my brain shouted. "That's my special little boy! My word, LOOK at him in his polo shirt! He's just perfect!" I was giddy with excitement as I opened the classroom door. Our eyes met and his said, "What in the world are you doing here, Mom!?" He greeted me with his contagious smile and said, "Heeey!" the way a Dylan Bear does, and gave me kisses as we grabbed his backpack and headed out for the day.

For a moment I forgot that we had a boring appointment on a rainy day deep in Tampa where I always get lost, and it was just me and my boy walking hand-in-hand all alone down empty corridors filled only with the sound of his precious humming.

We drove over in the rain, I got lost, and I giggled at how silly I was for never being able to find his neurologist's office. I got out my umbrella when we found a parking spot not marked "Dr." and skidaddled as quickly as I could in my high heels holding the warm, trusting hand of my beautiful son.

He didn't like the elevator but he held it together very well. "I remember having to hold him the entire elevator ride while he screamed last visit" I thought to myself. This time it only took some gentle reassurance to calm him down and that in itself is so much progress that I am already beaming before we get to the Dr's suite.

He took a seat like a big kid all by himself while I signed us in and quietly watched Max and Ruby with the other children. I took a seat next to him and played with his hair while he laughed along with the other kids at Max's persistence that he play outside in the rain. "Appropriate," I told him, "for a rainy day like today!" "Rain!" he answered smiling. I was glowing.

We were called back and asked the usual questions. I gave honest answers in between Dylan coming up to me and giving me kisses.

Then we were told that he was doing great - so great that we didn't have to come back! He was making great progress and didn't exhibit any behavior that required us to return for observations!

I was thrilled to hear this and gave Dylan some knuckles for being such a rock star. I paid our co-pay while he stood patiently next to me and handed him some fruit snacks to occupy him while I waited for copies of the appointment to give to his teachers. “Hey, handsome!” the reception said to him – she was rewarded with a huge smile and a shy giggle. People who didn’t know our struggles and challenges would never think he had a diagnosis of ASD.

We went to the elevator and he stopped in his tracks. I asked him to press the button and he did! SUCCESS! He followed verbal directions! We stepped inside just me and him and I could tell how nervous he was, so I asked him to press #1 for the lobby. He did that too! He enjoyed the button lighting up! He quoted Buzz Lightyear as we descended to the first floor, his adorable little voice echoing in the elevator.

We walked to the car in the rain and we waved bye-bye to a place that had put the fear of God in me not that long ago.

I remember hearing, "He needs to see a neurologist," and feeling like someone had stabbed me in the stomach and hearing that neurologist say, "I believe he's autistic. He may never progress," and feeling dead inside, holding back tears the entire drive back to my office, heartbroken and devastated.

And here we are today and the least of my worries was what the dr had to say about my son. The only worry or doom I had at all was about one way streets! And the humidity since I had to go back to work no matter WHAT my hair looked like.

Instead of having a visit that kept me up for nights on end before the appointment riddled with worry and anxiety, I had a wonderful afternoon with my perfect son who is making amazing progress.

And we never have to go back to that dreadful office in Tampa that I can never find on the first try to hear someone ask me questions about my son to which they think they already know the answer. Boom! High-Five THAT.

Anniversary

I've gotten emails that I didn't blog about my anniversary, this means two things:
People are reading my blog!
You are all obsessed with me. (Fair enough.)

Jared. I can barely say his name without sighing. Ask my family, friends, co-workers - it's got to be sickening.

I didn't believe in fairy tale romances or "sweep you off your feet" love. Period. I thought that love and marriage were practical, and nice, and that if people approached marriage more like a steady partnership and less like they were going to live happily ever after we would all be better off. Falling deeply in love and getting butterflies every time you cuddle was a myth and it was best if everyone could just accept this and find a suitable life mate with similar interests.

This is the only time in my life that I was ecstatic to be wrong! Well, that and when I found out you COULD drink coffee when you were pregnant!


I can't believe that after only four years together we have gone through and accomplished so much. I remember us on a spontaneous trip to the Keys with our friends, frolicking carefree through our sand flea infested campsite and talking about how one day we would get married and never have kids ( what a drag!) and travel the world.

And now here we are :) I know when we're both sitting on the couch watching our beautiful children do ridiculous things that no amount of free-time or Italian travels could possibly compare with all the fun, and all the love, right there in our front room.

And, despite my suspicion that true love was a trap to get people to buy Valentine's Day Cards - unobtainable, imaginary, story book fodder, romance novel nonsense- I find myself swelling with love when I sign my last name the same as his and think to myself with a Cinderella sigh, "I'm going to live happily ever after."

Happy Anniversary, Jar!!!

School!

I wasn't ready to talk about Dylan's first days of school initially as I wanted to be 100% sure that it was the right thing to do. I was hovering in the 90th percentile for the better part of 2010, but I didn't want to give it a real review until I was certain that it was, or was not, the right thing for Dylan.

I am very happy to say that this was absolutely the right choice for our boy!

This is his third week and honestly, after day one I was a believer! He gave his teachers high-fives when I picked him up, sat cross-legged while eating a snack at my parents house and responded to a direct question, all within twenty minutes of him being released for the day! We were all blown away!

Day two we were equally impressed to see how well he had already adjusted to Big Boy World. I knew he was amazing, but I didn't know that he would be able to hold hands with his classmates and walk in line, or tolerate the loud bells and busses as he walked toward me for pick up.

The second week of school held the biggest challenge that I have faced not just as a mother, but as a human...even more panic inducing than realizing that bikini season was around the corner or that Cinderella was going back into the Disney Vault before I could buy it - I had to put him on THE SCHOOL BUS.

How could you put him on a bus? He's only three! You know he's not verbal right? What if he gets off at the wrong stop - I mean, if Lylli got off at the wrong stop it would be a celebration, but this is DYLAN we're talking about here! This is your good kid! What if he's totally terrified of the noises? What if the other kids are bullies? What if they don't see him because he leaned over and they park the bus in 114 degree heat and he can't get to his juice because he's not very good at opening his lunch box and then when someone finds him dehydrated in the afternoon no one knows what to do with him because he couldn't tell them who he was and that was the last you saw of your boy!!??

That's a brief snapshot of what ran through my head 24-7 for about a month before this transition which is why I would cry hysterically watching Finding Nemo or every "Back to School!" sign I saw at Target.

Have no fear though, we, of course, did not send our non-verbal angel off to school in the school bus from hell that my mom-brain was conjuring, we sent him off on an amazing bus which picks him up and drops him off at the front door of my parent's place! A bus that has car seats and only five or six other riders, all of which are also autistic and in Dylan's school group! I have personally watched the bus driver, and bus aide unload these children (none of them much bigger than their backpack!) directly into the arms of their teachers and teachers aides, where they all sit and wait for the car riders until school starts.

And of course, like everything else with Dylan, he completely surpassed all of my expectations. The first day I came to work late so that I could get him on the bus safely and know that he was okay, and I was very pleased! The bus driver is a nice ol' grandma, and after I hugged and kissed my boy and told him to have an amazing day, he did something that he's never done. He waved at me (not that unusual) but also said, "bye, bye, mooooom!"

Faint.

I almost fainted off of a bus. Just like in high school when I gave blood on the BloodMobile.

I held it together long enough to tell Lylli bye and ignore my mom's face which was nearly about to explode with tears, hopped in my car and cried, cried, cried. I was so proud! I was so excited! I was so...not prepared for any of this!

As I wiped the tears from my eyes I pulled up to the light and the car in front of me switched lanes. I didn't even notice at first, but then realized with excitement that shouldn't come from a grown woman that I was right behind his bus! I wanted to honk! I wanted to blow kisses and scream that my amazing kid was on there JUST LIKE A "NORMAL" KID! I knew I had enough time to jump into the emergency exit and give him one last hug! But then I saw him sitting there as content and happy as ever reading his school bus book and took a deep breath.

We made the right choices and we did the right things for him. We prepped and we stressed and struggled and celebrated with him every day, and because of that he was going to school and it was going to be awesome for him.

I love being right. ;)

-KelStar

Registered!

Our favorite little monkey is officially registered for his ASD Pre-K Program!! It seems so much more real ( and exciting!) now that he has a student number and a file with his name on it at his elementary school.

I walked out in tears thinking, "This is it, your baby is going to school. Every four hour appointment you've taken him to is totally worth it right now. He's going to rock at this."

And I know he will. He's going to love playing with other kids! His teacher and the other students are going to teach him things and draw parts out of him that his family can't - something Jared and I are really looking forward to.

Seeing the huge steps he's taken with therapy alone has been so encouraging, I'm really excited to see what milestones he crosses after being around other children all day. I can't wait until he comes home swearing :) A parents' dream!

Orientation is the 23rd and I'm as excited to have him meet as teacher as I used to be about "no cover until midnight" flyers!

High-five, Dylan. You've got the best support system in the world and the most amazing personality - you're a rockstar and this is going to be a blast!!

A very happy Kel*Star signing off.

To Jared, on his 30th (gasp!) Birthday!

30 reasons I love you despite your...condition. (Dinosaurism)

1. You're WAY cooler than any 18 year olds I know.
2. You rock polo shirts and don't look like a South Tampa troll.
3. You can retire in only 30 years and I can collect some of that sweet money eventually!
4. Dat booty.
5. While you can't change a diaper for anything, you're good with blood. We're a good tag team.
6. You kill spiders. <3
7. You ALWAYS push the double stroller whenever there's a slight incline.
8. You introduced me to Pavement, Bright Eyes, and Superchunk.
9. You got me to watch Alien. And Aliens. I don't know why I thought they would be so scary.
10. I got you to eat sushi. You are infinitely more cultured for of this.
11. You light up when Dylan says a new word or does something out of the ordinary. It melts me to see how proud you are of our little man.
12. You are wrapped around Lylli's finger when she's being her terribly adorable self. It's funny.
13. You never roll your eyes when I refuse to do something becuase, "I'm a princess."
14. You always notice new clothes and new haircuts.
15. You never comment on what my hair looks like before the flat iron attacks it.
16. You'll eat cookies and milk for dinner with me when it's been that kind of day.
17. You'll rub my feeties every night if I need it.
18. You have the world's best scruff.
19. You shave off the world's best scruff, despite how rugged and handsome you look, because it's prickly and tickly and makes me avoid your kisses like the plague. ;)
20. You held my hand the entire visit to Dylan's school and told me the whole way home that he was going to be fine.
21. You taught me to drive stick...I would never go back!
22. You make me and the minis Big Breakfast every weekend.
23. You are, hands down, the most charming person I've ever met. It's dangerous.
24. You can quote IASIP with me all day and never miss a beat.
25. You get my jokes. Always. And you think they're funny!
26. You taught me to love summer and Shark Week.
27. You still open doors for me.
28. You would fight someone to death for me..probably even if I was wrong.
29. You instantly believe the explination for most things is: ghosts, hauntings, aliens, Bermuda Triangle.
30. You're an amazing husband and an incredible father - you never let us down.

I love you big bad inspite of your creaking joints and inability to get off of the couch without making an "oof!" noise.

No worries, I'll keep you fresh with my eternal youth. I love you very much, birthday boy!

May the next 365 days be the best you've ever had.

One love. Zip it up and zip it out,
Kel

Boxers or Briefs? Or Do I Put a Tarp Down in the House?

You know the fun thing about potty training a little boy? He gets to wear adorable little boy undies with cars on them!

The end.

That and you're giving him life skills or whatever.

My mom (who managed to potty train three kids) has this on lock, but I'm still learning. She gets him to pee pee in the potty a couple of times a day and I get him to sit on the potty for a couple of minutes with no such reward, but still, progress! I remember a time when asking Dylan to sit down was like asking Jared to get all the things on the grocery list: Impossible and frustrating because they didn't yet have those skills.

Just getting him to sit and not scream or want to get up immediately is huge for us, and that he's actually making potty progress blows me away!

I don't think he really gets what we're doing, but with Dyl is a slow process with near perfect results. Once the boy gets something, he really, really gets it and doesn't mess it up. His probably the best teeth brusher I've ever seen, and when he understands how to say a word, he says it like a grown up.

That being said, wish our whole family luck because if it ever takes a village to do anything, that something is potty training a Dylan :)

Ooh, sidebar! Jared went on a small grocery trip last night and got EVERYTHING on the list, including wet wipes (baby things are mysterious to him, he may have come back with Clorox wipes, you can never tell,) which means that even a Jare Bear can learn! I'll keep you posted on how many things in our house are ruined by urine or Jared's inattention to detail until we get this under control!

-KelStar
(Love you Jared. You're a good shopper. Sometimes. If the list is only five things. And none of those things are for me or the kids. <3)

#6. The Change of Life. Literally.

#6. What things did you give up when you became a mom that you really miss?

My rock hard abs and spontaneous trips with Jared and company. End transmission.

Possibly the biggest surprise for me about becoming "Mom" was how little things changed. I'm still me, I still do the same things that I have always done - everything just takes a little more planning and I have a permanent accessory which I get to dress however I want. I'm the Paris Hilton of working mothers.

I was terrified when I was pregnant with Dylan that I would never be able to go on a date with Jared or catch a movie with my girlfriends ever again, but in reality, not only do I still get to do all of those things, but now it means so much more to me. We don't just meet up like back in the day, we go out of our way to plan a fun night and we all care about being there. It's a very warm feeling to have to plan a get-together, actually.

My mom and dad are saints and watch both babies one night a month for us. Overnight. The whole shebang. That night Jared and I get off of work and pack so much fun into one night it'll make a college kid look as lame as YOUR parents, and then we sleep in, eat at Cracker Barrel (reppin' the hashbrown casserole, you feel me?) pick up the kids and enjoy our lives as Mommy and Daddy :)

Now that the kids (I'm looking at you, Lyl) are sleep trained, there is a whole new galaxy of possibilities! I get to hang out with my girlfriends about once a month, I can go and get haircuts that I don't have to squeeze into my lunch hour... I can eat my food while it's still hot. LUXURY, PEOPLE!!

In closing, spontaneity only exist for me if we randomly decide to order pizza instead of sushi but my abs are nearly back to their former glory. Nothing has changed, really, but everything is better.

-MomStar

More Sweet Tea, Please!

Lately, more than ever, I am obsessed with being one of those old couple who wears matching fanny packs and holds hands while they sit on a bench swing on their front patio. I'm loving my life slowed down to a pace that I don't think my generation even understands. I'm still coming to terms with the idea of relaxing and enjoying life with no strings attached.

I am having a blast being a twenty something wife/mom/precision instrument of speed and aerodynamics, but I am going to be pretty much perfect at having grandkids and going to bed at 7:30.

I have been making an effort to sloooow it down and not succumb to the constant pressure in my world and just chill and get back to basics. It's totally working. I hope I can remain this calm for the rest of my life because surprise, surprise, it feels good to just BE. I stopped checking my email from home constantly, stopped caring if people get pissed if I don't update my facebook status, and stopped worrying that people assumed I am the worst mother EVER if Lylli has a fit in the store or calls someone's little boy a puppy or if Dylan has a meltdown that I can't get him to come down from for a moment.

My new attitude of being slow like honey is serving me well, I can literally feel a sense of peace with each new task I tackle, and I'm liking the way it feels to be a little less connected to my phone/computer and a LOT more connected with my babies, my sexbomb husband, my wonderful friends and family, and perhaps most importantly, my good, ol' fashioned, southern inspired home cookin'.

-Kel

It's Just Work

Today in a conversation with my boss I said, "I am so blessed, that's why I want to help people so much. If I could have handpicked children I wouldn't have found any better than Dylan or Lylli...and I DID handpick Jared...so that's why I want to give back so much - I have it really good!"

This came up during a meeting which started out with me professionally sharing my workplace struggles and challenges(i.e, complaining, complaining, complaining.) We both decided that the things that matter to us are the things that really matter, and getting bent out of shape about scheduling software and personality differences in the office are not worth the stress.

Now, my brain knows this to be true, but sometimes I don't listen to my brain, and that's why I frequently forget to lock the car or put the milk away, so it was good for me to talk this out with someone I respect and to be encouraged to free the unnecessary stress.

I'm really going to try. It's just work. I don't know how the owner would feel if I put that in my email signature, but that little reminder would really help!

Here's to being deliberately aware of how much God has blessed me and my beautiful family and doing a bang up job without losing my mind,
KelStar