The Endless Escapades of Kel*Star

Four Words

2012-01-24T22:05:00.003-05:00

I want to shout and scream and jump and dance! This has been an AMAZING week for Dylan and it's only Tuesday!

Sunday afternoon he told my mom "Go outside!" and also, "Go inside!" when he was done. This is a big deal. Bigger than the Legend of Ron Burgandy.

He has been following my verbal directions with limited physical prompts and I feel like I could throw up everytime I ask him to do something and he does it. It's almost too much for me to see him make these connections; the excitement literally ties my stomach in knots!

I am very honest about his autism. It can be hard and there are times when I want to speed up his progress. I desperately want to have verbal conversations with my D-Bear and I think that's a very normal feeling for a parent. I do feels pings of jealousy when other mothers can have lunch with their little boys and can talk about trains and monsters or whatever.

But, those moments are fleeting,few and far between. Whatever verbal conversations that I will have with Dylan are WORTH THE WAIT! The conversations I have with him now mean everything to me, and I know he feels, and reciprocates, my love. We have inside jokes. We have our own games and faces that only each other knows. I know I'm not missing out on a thing, in fact, God has blessed me with two children who are much more amazing that I could have ever imagined.

I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. He and I have an ability to connect in a place where words are unnecessary.

I want what every mother wants: a happy, healthy child who is a productive member of society with a minimal arrest record.

Tonight I asked him, "What's up buddy?" when he was grabbing my hand. "Go to my bedroom?" was his response.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Look out world. Hide ya kids,hide ya wife, cuz we Dylanating everybody up in here.

Pro Tips - How to Start a Business

2011-11-18T22:16:00.012-05:00

So, you want to start your own business and you're looking for an expert to tell you how to do it? This is not the right blog for that.

However, I do have some honest advice and hot tips for anyone looking to go all entrepreneur up in here.

#1. Get Laid Off From a Stable Job
This will send you into a rage panic strong enough to make you consider actually starting your own business. Having people support you in this decision is very nice, but without pure desperation, angst, depression and fists full of your own hair, you may not be able to fully commit to this journey.

#2. Cry Buying New Office Supplies
There is nothing like the panic attack that will hit you in a supply discount store as you spend money to support a business that you haven't received a paycheck from yet. Openly weep. Other people spending hundreds on printers, copiers, and nice pens around you are probably about to have a nervous breakdown also. Let it out. Be a trend setter. Buy nice pens and a leather notebook to show your legit before you have received your articles of incorporation/organization.

#3. Marry Someone with Good Insurance.
Being self employed means saying buh-bye to sick days, vacation, endless supplies of easily stolen office supplies, and health insurance. Either never get sick again or chose wisely when you say "I do." If your man/woman doesn't have good insurance, Zorro Z snap at them and go find someone you can leech off of in case you sprain your ankle. This step can come pretty much anywhere in the start up process but make sure you're on their policy before cold and flu season.

#4. Women - Get a tubal ligation.
Have your babies and make sure you can never end up with people in your womb again. No employer means no maternity leave, no FMLA and no short term disability. What's that? You love your significant other and want to start a family AND start a business? Don't be stupid.

#6. Invest in 5-Hour Energy Stock.
You may never be so tired in your life as when you are starting up and running your own business. Days start before the sun and never seem to end. Work well past midnight and sleep restlestly trying to remember if you checked everything off of the to do list. At the end of the day it's not a company that you work for that's on the line, it's YOU and YOUR REPUTATION that's on the line. Try not to suck. Pound a Red Bull, snort some Folgers and meet your deadlines.

#7. Be Prepared to Hear How Easy You Must Have it Because You Make the Rules. Learn How to Avoid Punching People in the Eye Socket When They Say This.
Listen, or read, closely - You do not make the rules when you have a business! In fact, you play by several people's rules instead of like the old days where you answered to one boss. Even TPS reports were universal...nothing is when you work for so many different people. Understand that it's your name in high gloss on the business cards but it's everyone else's priorities. You are playing basketball on a 100 yard field with shortstops and half court shots. Or something. It's all over the place. Be cool. Stare at "President|Owner" printed under your name on correspondence and your company name on checks you receieve in the mail to combat this frustration.

#8. Go Bananas on Linkedin
Update the whole internet world that you, a mere person, have created an entity which now has a website, county license and tax ID number. You are AWESOME and you need to share how ambitious you are with your peers constantly. Request new contacts be in your network as if these are the people that will get you through a zombie apocolypse. Get a profile picture that screams, "I'm professional, but I still love the way says Han Solo , 'I know.' " Make sure to totally forget you have this account and ignore for weeks. Come back to see that you have MORE PEOPLE that you may want to add to your circle. Join every group you can in hopes of expanding your business. Eventually send all of the correspondence from linked in to your spam mail.

#9. Get Excited About all the Small/New Business Programs in Your Area!
Never go. Get too busy running a business to try and figure out if you're doing it right. Call your friends who are lawyers, tax advisors, florsts, bakers, teachers, gymanasts, bartenders, WHATEVER, and ask THEM for advice on what to put on your W9. Come to the realization that all the information available online is too confusing for you and decide to hire a tax person eventually. Also decide that you will use your swagger to pay them in coupon codes for free website formatting and Search Engine Optimization and consulting or whatever it is that you decide to do.

#10. Call one of your best friends to name your company. You are a successful and edgy business person who owns a pant suit, you don't have time to name your own adventure. Or you suck at it. Whatever. Call Tara Foreman and have her figure it out. High five your spouse when the name gives you goosebumps. Long distance respect knuckles to my T.

Now you have all the information you could possibly need to get out there and just do it. If you are currently employed steal as much as you can from your office supply room, make a business plan in a Lisa Frank notebook with your husband, and go get 'em!

It workd for me ;)

The (Rumore) House Wins

2011-10-31T23:54:00.002-04:00

Everyone is great at giving parenting advice if they don't have your kids.

I hit the kid lottery when I scored Dylan and Lylli. Anyone who's ever met me, including drive-thru workers and Publix cashiers, knows that I am crazy about my little jackpots.

Even though I'm slightly blinded by their awesomeness, I'm very aware that they are not always perfect. Sort of like Jared...he's very handsome and his charm could stop Mike Tyson from chompin' on lobes, but sometimes he doesn't take out the trash and I have cheery visions of pushing him into traffic.

Like all other parents, with the exception of Mary and Joseph, my children are not shining examples of model behavior 100% of the time. They fuss, make messes, talk back, whine about things that make me roll my eyes and whisper violently at them to knock it off before I lose my mind, and end up in time out and the quiet chair for being straight up annoying and crazy.

You would think that a community of like minded people, i.e, parents, would have each others' back and offer support for other stressed out, overwhelmed, moms, dads and parental guardians.

So many times the people that could be your biggest allies end up being the very people that bring you down. The judgemental, unwanted, back-handed advice and sheer ignorance is enough to make you home school your minis and and resort to a diet of fried foods and vodka.

In my case, I have a wonderful,supportive family. My Mom and Dad couldn't be any better at the whole grandparent gig and my in-laws love their grandkids unconditionally. They are on board with the decisions we make for the kids and offer help when we ask for it. They care about the kids' well being, happiness and success as much as Jared and I do.

Even so, I have had the judgemental looks from strangers when Dylan babbles or doesn't follow my simple directions and I want to either melt or smash them with a hammer. That's not something you should be subjected to in your daily life.

I've been the recipient of nasty glares when Lylli has a tantrum after hours of perfect behavior. Her vocabulary is out of control and her story telling is better than your seven year old's, chill out with the dirty glares if she's melting down because of a napless afternoon and too much running around. "If that we're MY daughter I'd teach her not to have outbursts!" If she was your daughter you'd be the luckiest person on the planet, you would hear you are beautiful and loved every day, you would get pretend meals and coffee every morning, and you would get an endless supply of hilarity. And even though she's a genius princess rock star she would still go all "three years old" on you and lose her cool over three year old things. Sucker.

Having an autistic child has made me an incredibly sympathetic parent. My son has a silent, unrecognizable diagnosis. People who look in his beautiful eyes have no idea at first glance what he's had to overcome. Likewise, I don't know what invisible problems other parents, or people in general, are overcoming.

I'm looking for appropriate ways to tell people their advice or criticism is unwanted, unnecessary and to put it bluntly, rude, uninformed and obnoxious. It's not something I deal with often but it would be nice to have a zippy one-liner for overzealous advisers.

I'll continue to have compassion on people with the two year old son screaming about candy in a WalMart. That kid is probably a sweetheart doll baby when he's rested and not out grocery shopping in the pits of hell that is a discount super center.

Or maybe he's a selfish, loud, annoying brat and sucks at life. If that's the case his parents are already too aware that their kid is a punk and don't need your help pointing that out to them on the canned food aisle.

Until you've walked the endless miles of scaring away monsters, finding the right stuffed animal, attending therapy session in the middle of your workday, praying for your kids sincerely every night or teaching them every minute that you can, in MY very capable shoes, then keep your comments to yourself. Until you have raised my kids day in and day out, you are not allowed to have a negative opinion unless they stab someone or steal a car.

I had a theory that parents are rough on other parents to disguise their own child's shortcomings. The more experience I have with other people who spawned life, I'm pretty sure that's the case.

So let this be a lesson to all those difficult, critical, quick to judge parents out there: If you give me grief about my kid I'll assume that yours will end up on Bay News 9 for larceny or psycho tantrums or drunk driving to elementary school and also go ahead and instantly come to conclusion that my monkeys are way better than whatever you are raising.

My kids are the Powerball of all munchkins - they are adorable and smart and they love me like a best friend, caregiver and comedian. I'll take those odds any day.

Today I

2011-10-04T21:58:00.003-04:00

Cuddled with two adorable, warm, soft, pj'd kids. Twice. Morning and night.

Chitty chatted with my Mom and Dad when I dropped of the kids, had a laugh and felt tons of love. Realized their home will always be my "safe, happy place". Hoped I provided the same thing for my kids.

Worked hard while drinking coffee from Tara and Mike in a cup from Tara and Mike.

Felt the breeze and the sun that comes from the start of a Florida fall.

Kissed the most handsome charm-machine in the world.

Taught a class of 2nd-5th graders about living in space.

Made plans with Laura to make spooky cupcakes with the minis.

Laughed at pictures of my crazy Stephanie and lived vicariously through her antics.

Ate chili that Adam made for lunch.

Celebrated Amanda's new job by clapping to myself.

Window shopped for my almost-here nephew, Sebastian.

Stared at Dustin and Metta's lovely Irene and made mental plans to visit super soon.

Flipped through pictures of my husband's family Christmas gathering from last year and got excited about the holidays.

Took advice from my daughter on what to wear.

Had a knowing smile exhange with my son.

Tucked both of my kids in and couldn't wait to see them in the morning.

Blogged about my blessings, got really mushy after such a beautiful day, prayed for my loved ones, tried to save this moment in my heart hard drive for a forever pick-me-up and went to bed a very grateful girl.

Powers

2011-09-12T22:43:00.003-04:00

The other night Jared asked me a typical late night Jared question: If you could have any super/mutant power, what would it be?

Too many commercials for X-Men First Class had him fantasizing about walking through walls and throwing Jeeps through black holes or whatever it is that thirty-something men would do if they had limitless power.

For as long as I have been asked that question I have always had the same response. "I would want to read minds."

I can't say that I've ever thought I would use the power for good, I usually imagined myself exploiting people Jedi style with a wave of my hand uttering, "This is not the checking account you want to deduct that payment from," and "you will install movie channels for me free of charge," and watching people bend to my superior will which apparently, mostly involves me getting things for free.

Moving magnets, shape shifting, invisibility and teleporting were topics fiercely debated between the two of us when I suddenly thought out loud, "But...what if I could read Dylan's mind."

That would be the greatest super power.

The other night he was annoyed that I needed him to come upstairs to get changed which meant he would need to be dragged away from The Clone Wars ( I empathize, Dyl, I do!) and snapped, "Don't touch me!" I could have cried tears of joy!! I mean, not exactly the words that every mother wants to hear, but they were appropriate words for what he was feeling at the moment and that is something that we don't get to experience with Dylan often.

Could you imagine the possibilities if I could touch my temples and suddenly be one with his thoughts? His feelings? I wonder if he thinks in words, or in emotions, or pictures. I would love to mind meld with him and figure it all out.

I know he completely understands most of what I tell him becuase I see the compliance in his eyes when he doesn't mind doing what I ask and the defiance when he's not in agreement with my requests. I can see beyond the challenges he has with verbal communication and can read his body language and his tone of voice. I can tell that sometimes he completely ignores me on purpose and it makes me smile becuase it's so completely typical of a four year old, it makess me aware that he and I speak the same langauge, even if that language is just between the two of us.

So, maybe I've already harnassed the power of my favorite mutant power. Dylan and I, and those who love him in and out and know his cranky sigh from his mischevious squint, can read each others' minds. I think it's definitely reciprocal. I can communicate with Dylan in raised eyebrows, pursed lips, giggles and large grins. We don't need words for either of us to feel the love that we so obviously have for each other.

As much as I would love to literally read his mind and put all the puzzle pieces together to satisfy my own curiosity, there's no need. I can already see his thoughts and see into his heart, and he is telling me right now that he is happy, loved, learning and silly.

And if he continues to make the progress he is making, in not too long, he'll be able to tell me word for word what's on his beautiful mind.

Hopefully it's something more insightful than "Don't touch me!"

Work Life Balance. I Have It.

2011-08-19T16:05:00.006-04:00

I have never been more exhausted in my life, but I've also never felt so in control or so balanced.

There are days I get up at 5am to start my work and don't close my laptop in triumph until 2am. There are times when I have so many meetings that the commute alone ties up my most productive hours of the day. There are moments that I'm certain I've over extended myself and I eat several donuts and pasta dishes to slow down my panicked heart rate.

I love it.

It's a blessing to have this opportunity and even though it all worked on paper beforehand, I'll admit that with every paycheck made out to Rumore Has It, LLC I am slightly surprised and amused that this is working!

I am working more hours, and the hours are more non-traditional than most people keep, but that means that I can spend my time with my family during the hours that it makes the most sense. Before starting my own business I got to see them at night and on weekends, and now, I have an option. I'm free to volunteer at Dylan's school every week and to take Lylli to Mommy and Me classes.

I'll work at 2am for the rest of my life if it means that I can have the flexibility to be with my family during the hours that matter most to me.

I'm completely exhausted from work, but for the first time I can say that I am getting sincere satisfaction from all of my efforts.

The greatest benefit is being able to be there for my precious babies and gorgeous husband whenever they need me...but the paychecks are pretty sweet, too.(Duh. Mama's got bills, y'all!)

-Kel

2011-07-27T17:03:00.002-04:00

July 15th, 2011 is the birthdate of my business, Rumore Has It, LLC! Already I am so proud of what I have created that I find it appropriate to give the business a "birthdate." In the same way I made people, I made a business! Say what?? I know. I can't believe it either.

I can't take nearly as much credit as I would like, however. It wasn't even my idea. My former supervisor who was let go the same day I was from my corporate gig tossed it out there at lunch one day. I thought about his suggestion that I become a professional assistant with great hesitation, knowing deep down I wasn't going to pursue it and I was going to nab another "real" job.

Still, the idea nagged at me for the remainder of the day and eventually into the night. I stole Dylan's iPad at around midnight and started researching starting my own Virtual Assistant business and to my astonishment, I started to get excited about going off of the beaten path and doing my own thing.

By the time I got up the next morning I was comitted to learning more and introducing the idea seriously to Jared, who was immediately 100% supportive. And so the journey began!

Truth be told, the set up was harder than I thought. The easiest part was getting a company name becuase I didn't have to do it. The lovely and endlessly talented Tara sent me the text that really set me on fire and motivated me to tackle this! "Rumore has it" should at the very least be your tagline."

I looked up at Jared and said, "That's it! She's a genius!"

So basically, my experience with starting my own business went something like this: Get laid off.
Get super, super depressed because you poured your lifeblood into a company that laid you off and made you pack up your office which had an embarrassingly large pantry of food and two floor lamps. TWO!
Wallow around in sadness for three days. Eat icecream at the community pool and openly cry.
Enjoy all the time you have with your beautiful children. Drink iced coffee at 10am at the park.
Apply everywhere. Include excellent references. Have everyone tell you that you're overqualified. Murmer, "I am not overqualified to TAKE YOUR MONEY!" under your breath at every interview.
Let your old boss come up with your business model.
Let your close friend come up with your business name.
Start working from home.
Cry tears of joy as you hit "send" when emailing your very first invoice with your company logo from your company email.
Nearly faint when you tell people that you have clients. With an s! PLURAL!!

So far the most difficult hurdle, aside from the depression, was all the legal mumbo jumbo and buying the equipment to get started. It made me feel so vunerable to invest in something when I had no steady income. I believe in what I am doing, but even so, self doubt and annxiety plauged me the most the day I bought my office equipment and paid for my licenses. "You have to spend money to make money," I told myself half-heartdely. The other part of my brain screamed, "YOU HAVE TO MAKE MONEY TO FEED YOUR FAMILY, YOU IDIOT! PUT THE DEBIT CARD AWAY!"

But, before I had the chance to suffer at the county tax collector's office getting my occupational tax receipt, or take the time to visit three of my bank's branches to properly set up an account in an LLC, I had clients that wanted to pay me to do things that I am very good at doing. Knowing that there was not only demand for my skill set but demand for me personally gave me so much confidence and is a source of comfort when I do deal with doubt.

It's wonderul and terrifying to know that everything is on me this time around. I trust me as a person and as a professional to do an outstanding job for my clients. I am very excited to grow my business and I have a beautiful vision of what this will mean for our family.

I feel so blessed to even have an opportunity to start this adventure and even though if I'm honest I haven't shaken off all of my nervousness and anxiety yet, I am excited and confident that I will succeed.

Tomorrow I am signing another client contract and I also am interviewing with a potential client. I still can't believe how in control I feel!

I'll leave you with this. So far the worst parts of having your own business is:
The stress
The stress
The stress

The best part of having your own business is:
Being in charge of the thermostat
Eating pizza rolls for breakfast without being judged
Working outside in the breeze or inside in the recyliner
Spending so much more time with what recharges me: my family

Here's to me writing "How I Became a Ridiculously Successful Business Owner in One Year," on July 15th, 2012.

-Kel

Annual Neurologist Appointment

2011-04-05T12:43:00.003-04:00

I gleefully left work on this rainy day to pick Dylan from school and felt a surge of pride when I saw him happily sitting in his seat at a table with his classmates.

"That's my baby!" my brain shouted. "That's my special little boy! My word, LOOK at him in his polo shirt! He's just perfect!" I was giddy with excitement as I opened the classroom door. Our eyes met and his said, "What in the world are you doing here, Mom!?" He greeted me with his contagious smile and said, "Heeey!" the way a Dylan Bear does, and gave me kisses as we grabbed his backpack and headed out for the day.

For a moment I forgot that we had a boring appointment on a rainy day deep in Tampa where I always get lost, and it was just me and my boy walking hand-in-hand all alone down empty corridors filled only with the sound of his precious humming.

We drove over in the rain, I got lost, and I giggled at how silly I was for never being able to find his neurologist's office. I got out my umbrella when we found a parking spot not marked "Dr." and skidaddled as quickly as I could in my high heels holding the warm, trusting hand of my beautiful son.

He didn't like the elevator but he held it together very well. "I remember having to hold him the entire elevator ride while he screamed last visit" I thought to myself. This time it only took some gentle reassurance to calm him down and that in itself is so much progress that I am already beaming before we get to the Dr's suite.

He took a seat like a big kid all by himself while I signed us in and quietly watched Max and Ruby with the other children. I took a seat next to him and played with his hair while he laughed along with the other kids at Max's persistence that he play outside in the rain. "Appropriate," I told him, "for a rainy day like today!" "Rain!" he answered smiling. I was glowing.

We were called back and asked the usual questions. I gave honest answers in between Dylan coming up to me and giving me kisses.

Then we were told that he was doing great - so great that we didn't have to come back! He was making great progress and didn't exhibit any behavior that required us to return for observations!

I was thrilled to hear this and gave Dylan some knuckles for being such a rock star. I paid our co-pay while he stood patiently next to me and handed him some fruit snacks to occupy him while I waited for copies of the appointment to give to his teachers. “Hey, handsome!” the reception said to him – she was rewarded with a huge smile and a shy giggle. People who didn’t know our struggles and challenges would never think he had a diagnosis of ASD.

We went to the elevator and he stopped in his tracks. I asked him to press the button and he did! SUCCESS! He followed verbal directions! We stepped inside just me and him and I could tell how nervous he was, so I asked him to press #1 for the lobby. He did that too! He enjoyed the button lighting up! He quoted Buzz Lightyear as we descended to the first floor, his adorable little voice echoing in the elevator.

We walked to the car in the rain and we waved bye-bye to a place that had put the fear of God in me not that long ago.

I remember hearing, "He needs to see a neurologist," and feeling like someone had stabbed me in the stomach and hearing that neurologist say, "I believe he's autistic. He may never progress," and feeling dead inside, holding back tears the entire drive back to my office, heartbroken and devastated.

And here we are today and the least of my worries was what the dr had to say about my son. The only worry or doom I had at all was about one way streets! And the humidity since I had to go back to work no matter WHAT my hair looked like.

Instead of having a visit that kept me up for nights on end before the appointment riddled with worry and anxiety, I had a wonderful afternoon with my perfect son who is making amazing progress.

And we never have to go back to that dreadful office in Tampa that I can never find on the first try to hear someone ask me questions about my son to which they think they already know the answer. Boom! High-Five THAT.

Anniversary

2010-09-08T11:50:00.004-04:00

I've gotten emails that I didn't blog about my anniversary, this means two things:
People are reading my blog!
You are all obsessed with me. (Fair enough.)

Jared. I can barely say his name without sighing. Ask my family, friends, co-workers - it's got to be sickening.

I didn't believe in fairy tale romances or "sweep you off your feet" love. Period. I thought that love and marriage were practical, and nice, and that if people approached marriage more like a steady partnership and less like they were going to live happily ever after we would all be better off. Falling deeply in love and getting butterflies every time you cuddle was a myth and it was best if everyone could just accept this and find a suitable life mate with similar interests.

This is the only time in my life that I was ecstatic to be wrong! Well, that and when I found out you COULD drink coffee when you were pregnant!

I can't believe that after only four years together we have gone through and accomplished so much. I remember us on a spontaneous trip to the Keys with our friends, frolicking carefree through our sand flea infested campsite and talking about how one day we would get married and never have kids ( what a drag!) and travel the world.

And now here we are :) I know when we're both sitting on the couch watching our beautiful children do ridiculous things that no amount of free-time or Italian travels could possibly compare with all the fun, and all the love, right there in our front room.

And, despite my suspicion that true love was a trap to get people to buy Valentine's Day Cards - unobtainable, imaginary, story book fodder, romance novel nonsense- I find myself swelling with love when I sign my last name the same as his and think to myself with a Cinderella sigh, "I'm going to live happily ever after."

Happy Anniversary, Jar!!!

School!

2010-09-07T12:30:00.006-04:00

I wasn't ready to talk about Dylan's first days of school initially as I wanted to be 100% sure that it was the right thing to do. I was hovering in the 90th percentile for the better part of 2010, but I didn't want to give it a real review until I was certain that it was, or was not, the right thing for Dylan.

I am very happy to say that this was absolutely the right choice for our boy!

This is his third week and honestly, after day one I was a believer! He gave his teachers high-fives when I picked him up, sat cross-legged while eating a snack at my parents house and responded to a direct question, all within twenty minutes of him being released for the day! We were all blown away!

Day two we were equally impressed to see how well he had already adjusted to Big Boy World. I knew he was amazing, but I didn't know that he would be able to hold hands with his classmates and walk in line, or tolerate the loud bells and busses as he walked toward me for pick up.

The second week of school held the biggest challenge that I have faced not just as a mother, but as a human...even more panic inducing than realizing that bikini season was around the corner or that Cinderella was going back into the Disney Vault before I could buy it - I had to put him on THE SCHOOL BUS.

How could you put him on a bus? He's only three! You know he's not verbal right? What if he gets off at the wrong stop - I mean, if Lylli got off at the wrong stop it would be a celebration, but this is DYLAN we're talking about here! This is your good kid! What if he's totally terrified of the noises? What if the other kids are bullies? What if they don't see him because he leaned over and they park the bus in 114 degree heat and he can't get to his juice because he's not very good at opening his lunch box and then when someone finds him dehydrated in the afternoon no one knows what to do with him because he couldn't tell them who he was and that was the last you saw of your boy!!??

That's a brief snapshot of what ran through my head 24-7 for about a month before this transition which is why I would cry hysterically watching Finding Nemo or every "Back to School!" sign I saw at Target.

Have no fear though, we, of course, did not send our non-verbal angel off to school in the school bus from hell that my mom-brain was conjuring, we sent him off on an amazing bus which picks him up and drops him off at the front door of my parent's place! A bus that has car seats and only five or six other riders, all of which are also autistic and in Dylan's school group! I have personally watched the bus driver, and bus aide unload these children (none of them much bigger than their backpack!) directly into the arms of their teachers and teachers aides, where they all sit and wait for the car riders until school starts.

And of course, like everything else with Dylan, he completely surpassed all of my expectations. The first day I came to work late so that I could get him on the bus safely and know that he was okay, and I was very pleased! The bus driver is a nice ol' grandma, and after I hugged and kissed my boy and told him to have an amazing day, he did something that he's never done. He waved at me (not that unusual) but also said, "bye, bye, mooooom!"

Faint.

I almost fainted off of a bus. Just like in high school when I gave blood on the BloodMobile.

I held it together long enough to tell Lylli bye and ignore my mom's face which was nearly about to explode with tears, hopped in my car and cried, cried, cried. I was so proud! I was so excited! I was so...not prepared for any of this!

As I wiped the tears from my eyes I pulled up to the light and the car in front of me switched lanes. I didn't even notice at first, but then realized with excitement that shouldn't come from a grown woman that I was right behind his bus! I wanted to honk! I wanted to blow kisses and scream that my amazing kid was on there JUST LIKE A "NORMAL" KID! I knew I had enough time to jump into the emergency exit and give him one last hug! But then I saw him sitting there as content and happy as ever reading his school bus book and took a deep breath.

We made the right choices and we did the right things for him. We prepped and we stressed and struggled and celebrated with him every day, and because of that he was going to school and it was going to be awesome for him.

I love being right. ;)

-KelStar

Registered!

2010-08-03T11:57:00.005-04:00

Our favorite little monkey is officially registered for his ASD Pre-K Program!! It seems so much more real ( and exciting!) now that he has a student number and a file with his name on it at his elementary school.

I walked out in tears thinking, "This is it, your baby is going to school. Every four hour appointment you've taken him to is totally worth it right now. He's going to rock at this."

And I know he will. He's going to love playing with other kids! His teacher and the other students are going to teach him things and draw parts out of him that his family can't - something Jared and I are really looking forward to.

Seeing the huge steps he's taken with therapy alone has been so encouraging, I'm really excited to see what milestones he crosses after being around other children all day. I can't wait until he comes home swearing :) A parents' dream!

Orientation is the 23rd and I'm as excited to have him meet as teacher as I used to be about "no cover until midnight" flyers!

High-five, Dylan. You've got the best support system in the world and the most amazing personality - you're a rockstar and this is going to be a blast!!

A very happy Kel*Star signing off.

To Jared, on his 30th (gasp!) Birthday!

2010-08-01T07:31:00.002-04:00

30 reasons I love you despite your...condition. (Dinosaurism)

1. You're WAY cooler than any 18 year olds I know.
2. You rock polo shirts and don't look like a South Tampa troll.
3. You can retire in only 30 years and I can collect some of that sweet money eventually!
4. Dat booty.
5. While you can't change a diaper for anything, you're good with blood. We're a good tag team.
6. You kill spiders. <3
7. You ALWAYS push the double stroller whenever there's a slight incline.
8. You introduced me to Pavement, Bright Eyes, and Superchunk.
9. You got me to watch Alien. And Aliens. I don't know why I thought they would be so scary.
10. I got you to eat sushi. You are infinitely more cultured for of this.
11. You light up when Dylan says a new word or does something out of the ordinary. It melts me to see how proud you are of our little man.
12. You are wrapped around Lylli's finger when she's being her terribly adorable self. It's funny.
13. You never roll your eyes when I refuse to do something becuase, "I'm a princess."
14. You always notice new clothes and new haircuts.
15. You never comment on what my hair looks like before the flat iron attacks it.
16. You'll eat cookies and milk for dinner with me when it's been that kind of day.
17. You'll rub my feeties every night if I need it.
18. You have the world's best scruff.
19. You shave off the world's best scruff, despite how rugged and handsome you look, because it's prickly and tickly and makes me avoid your kisses like the plague. ;)
20. You held my hand the entire visit to Dylan's school and told me the whole way home that he was going to be fine.
21. You taught me to drive stick...I would never go back!
22. You make me and the minis Big Breakfast every weekend.
23. You are, hands down, the most charming person I've ever met. It's dangerous.
24. You can quote IASIP with me all day and never miss a beat.
25. You get my jokes. Always. And you think they're funny!
26. You taught me to love summer and Shark Week.
27. You still open doors for me.
28. You would fight someone to death for me..probably even if I was wrong.
29. You instantly believe the explination for most things is: ghosts, hauntings, aliens, Bermuda Triangle.
30. You're an amazing husband and an incredible father - you never let us down.

I love you big bad inspite of your creaking joints and inability to get off of the couch without making an "oof!" noise.

No worries, I'll keep you fresh with my eternal youth. I love you very much, birthday boy!

May the next 365 days be the best you've ever had.

One love. Zip it up and zip it out,
Kel

Boxers or Briefs? Or Do I Put a Tarp Down in the House?

2010-06-14T12:43:00.004-04:00

You know the fun thing about potty training a little boy? He gets to wear adorable little boy undies with cars on them!

The end.

That and you're giving him life skills or whatever.

My mom (who managed to potty train three kids) has this on lock, but I'm still learning. She gets him to pee pee in the potty a couple of times a day and I get him to sit on the potty for a couple of minutes with no such reward, but still, progress! I remember a time when asking Dylan to sit down was like asking Jared to get all the things on the grocery list: Impossible and frustrating because they didn't yet have those skills.

Just getting him to sit and not scream or want to get up immediately is huge for us, and that he's actually making potty progress blows me away!

I don't think he really gets what we're doing, but with Dyl is a slow process with near perfect results. Once the boy gets something, he really, really gets it and doesn't mess it up. His probably the best teeth brusher I've ever seen, and when he understands how to say a word, he says it like a grown up.

That being said, wish our whole family luck because if it ever takes a village to do anything, that something is potty training a Dylan :)

Ooh, sidebar! Jared went on a small grocery trip last night and got EVERYTHING on the list, including wet wipes (baby things are mysterious to him, he may have come back with Clorox wipes, you can never tell,) which means that even a Jare Bear can learn! I'll keep you posted on how many things in our house are ruined by urine or Jared's inattention to detail until we get this under control!

-KelStar
(Love you Jared. You're a good shopper. Sometimes. If the list is only five things. And none of those things are for me or the kids. <3)

#6. The Change of Life. Literally.

2010-06-10T12:22:00.003-04:00

#6. What things did you give up when you became a mom that you really miss?

My rock hard abs and spontaneous trips with Jared and company. End transmission.

Possibly the biggest surprise for me about becoming "Mom" was how little things changed. I'm still me, I still do the same things that I have always done - everything just takes a little more planning and I have a permanent accessory which I get to dress however I want. I'm the Paris Hilton of working mothers.

I was terrified when I was pregnant with Dylan that I would never be able to go on a date with Jared or catch a movie with my girlfriends ever again, but in reality, not only do I still get to do all of those things, but now it means so much more to me. We don't just meet up like back in the day, we go out of our way to plan a fun night and we all care about being there. It's a very warm feeling to have to plan a get-together, actually.

My mom and dad are saints and watch both babies one night a month for us. Overnight. The whole shebang. That night Jared and I get off of work and pack so much fun into one night it'll make a college kid look as lame as YOUR parents, and then we sleep in, eat at Cracker Barrel (reppin' the hashbrown casserole, you feel me?) pick up the kids and enjoy our lives as Mommy and Daddy :)

Now that the kids (I'm looking at you, Lyl) are sleep trained, there is a whole new galaxy of possibilities! I get to hang out with my girlfriends about once a month, I can go and get haircuts that I don't have to squeeze into my lunch hour... I can eat my food while it's still hot. LUXURY, PEOPLE!!

In closing, spontaneity only exist for me if we randomly decide to order pizza instead of sushi but my abs are nearly back to their former glory. Nothing has changed, really, but everything is better.

-MomStar

More Sweet Tea, Please!

2010-06-07T12:46:00.004-04:00

Lately, more than ever, I am obsessed with being one of those old couple who wears matching fanny packs and holds hands while they sit on a bench swing on their front patio. I'm loving my life slowed down to a pace that I don't think my generation even understands. I'm still coming to terms with the idea of relaxing and enjoying life with no strings attached.

I am having a blast being a twenty something wife/mom/precision instrument of speed and aerodynamics, but I am going to be pretty much perfect at having grandkids and going to bed at 7:30.

I have been making an effort to sloooow it down and not succumb to the constant pressure in my world and just chill and get back to basics. It's totally working. I hope I can remain this calm for the rest of my life because surprise, surprise, it feels good to just BE. I stopped checking my email from home constantly, stopped caring if people get pissed if I don't update my facebook status, and stopped worrying that people assumed I am the worst mother EVER if Lylli has a fit in the store or calls someone's little boy a puppy or if Dylan has a meltdown that I can't get him to come down from for a moment.

My new attitude of being slow like honey is serving me well, I can literally feel a sense of peace with each new task I tackle, and I'm liking the way it feels to be a little less connected to my phone/computer and a LOT more connected with my babies, my sexbomb husband, my wonderful friends and family, and perhaps most importantly, my good, ol' fashioned, southern inspired home cookin'.

-Kel

It's Just Work

2010-06-03T12:30:00.002-04:00

Today in a conversation with my boss I said, "I am so blessed, that's why I want to help people so much. If I could have handpicked children I wouldn't have found any better than Dylan or Lylli...and I DID handpick Jared...so that's why I want to give back so much - I have it really good!"

This came up during a meeting which started out with me professionally sharing my workplace struggles and challenges(i.e, complaining, complaining, complaining.) We both decided that the things that matter to us are the things that really matter, and getting bent out of shape about scheduling software and personality differences in the office are not worth the stress.

Now, my brain knows this to be true, but sometimes I don't listen to my brain, and that's why I frequently forget to lock the car or put the milk away, so it was good for me to talk this out with someone I respect and to be encouraged to free the unnecessary stress.

I'm really going to try. It's just work. I don't know how the owner would feel if I put that in my email signature, but that little reminder would really help!

Here's to being deliberately aware of how much God has blessed me and my beautiful family and doing a bang up job without losing my mind,
KelStar

Mother's Day - My Mom Owns It

2010-05-08T18:09:00.004-04:00

"World's Best Mom!" A phrase found so often in the cluttered Mother's Day aisles at Wal Mart, an overused exclimation, but in my case, it's actually true: I sincerely have the World's Best Mom.

I loved my mom before I had words, and I know this not becuase I rememeber being 15 months and coloring with a bucket on my head with her, but becuase I have pictures of me ooing and ahhing over her before I could do much else. I remember watching her put on mascara and perfume and wanting to be that kind of "grown up" when I did, indeed, grow up. I was never amazed that she made every holiday special or every gift thoughtful or every cookie and southern baptist fried piece of heaven out of this world - she made it look so easy! I was never surprised that she juggled all of our lives and made it to every field trip and PTA meeting. It didn't occur to me that this was a talent, and a labor of love, until I myself became a mom.

My mom taught me everything I know about crappy 80s movies and french braiding. All of my baking skills come from her, but I won't blame her for what a bad cook I am. Bless her heart she tried to teach me! Most importantly, she taught me unconditional love, a trait that has come in handy raising Lyl!

I valued her opinion and loved her sense of humor always, even when I was convinced that she didn't have a clue about things like slap bracelets and my desperate need to wear doc martins with baby doll dresses ( I know, she was lame, right?.) The older I got, the more I needed her to make me home cooked meals and watch reruns of Fresh Prince with me.

Since I entered Club Mom she's been invaluable. She cares about my kids as much as I do, which I thought was impossible. She's as good with them as I am, which never annoys me - I'm so, so blessed. I want the best for my minis and I have it. My mom watches my monsters for me from 6:30 AM to 5:30 PM so that I can work a fulltime job to do stuff like pay bills and make sure they have food to eat, and I've never seen her break a sweat, lose her temper, or be at a loss for what to do next. She's just the best.

When I can't figure out something with Dylan or Lylli, I can always call, and she always knows. It's magic. "I'll bet it's because Lylli's evil," she'll say, and I know that she's speaking the truth :)

I hope that one day Dylan and Lylli will grow up and think of me the way I think of my mom, and I think that's the best compliment I can give.

On a sour not, she doesn't like IKEA, and sometimes I'm not sure a relationship can move past such a HUGE barrier.

Happy Mother's Day to The Best Mom in the World. ::I'm toasting her with sweet tea in my head::

Love,
Kelli
(Princess MooMoo)

Numbers

2010-04-10T07:24:00.004-04:00

Dylan has been a little off kilter lately. We've had a much too busy month full of appointments, therapy sessions, and doctor visits, and quite honestly, if I'M burned out and I'm awesome Kelli, I know my little trooper has been a little over scheduled himself.

Before he can start his pre-k classes, he had to finish up his last round of evaluations, so we've been stretched pretty thin. Thankfully, we knocked them all out now, and we're re cooperating from the March/April busy season.

That being said, he's been a little more sensitive and a lot more "autistic" this past week. He's been more interested in repetitive behavior than imaginative play and more withdrawn than usual. I made a conscious effort to get Lylli to bed on time so Dylan could have some easy going mommy and daddy time.

We sat on the couch and read about Cookie Monster and his numbers, and Dylan deftly showed me all the numbers, out of order (which I LOVE so I know he really recognized the numbers and hasn't just memorized the order,) and we were having a good time! He turned the page and pointed out "seven," then turned back and said "six!" He then took the book and turned it upside down and I internally cringed because he had been doing so well and I just KNEW that he was going to start spinning his book instead of reading it. Resigned not to make a big deal out of it, I kissed his hair and then he shoved the upside down six in my face and said, "a nine!"

Ha!

Freaking brilliant.

Jared and I high fived and would have chest bumped if we weren't sure our old bones would have broken from the effort of getting off of the couch.

His brain is so beautiful - I am trying to get video of him playing piano and humming back the notes in perfect pitch, stay tuned! (get it..tuned!? I'm so fun!)

Happy Saturday!
-Kel

And He's Also The Funniest Guy Ever. EVER!!

2010-04-08T12:18:00.009-04:00

#5. How Does Your Husband Cope With Everything?

He doesn't.

He excels. ( You see what I did there? I tricked you into thinking he doesn't do well when in fact he DOES do well. Strategic spacing strikes again!!)

Jared, is amazing. Not in the cliché sense, either. I mean that in the most sincere, genuine way; he is awe-inspiring. Some mornings when he's wearing his jammy pants and a clean white t-shirt making me coffee, I could literally faint. I go all lightheaded just looking at him and the way he moves. I don't think I understood the word "palpable" until I fell in love with him. I get dizzy when he kisses the kids goodnight. I still feel those elusive butterflies when he leans in for a snuggle. I still stop breathing for a split second when I hear music that reminds me of him.

As for the children, they completely adore him.

He has a way with Dylan that I can't duplicate when it comes to getting him to stop his repetitive behavior (spinning, flapping his hands, what have you.) which I'm always impressed with. I don't have the touch! He usually simply asks Dylan to stop or removes him from the situation and Dylan is totally chill with that. He taught Dylan how to five and cried with me when he said his first "I wub boo!!!" He had an intense bond with our Dylan from the moment he held him. It was, once again, palpable. I watched Jared turn into father as soon as their skin touched each others' -it was magic.

Lylli has him wrapped all around her adorable fingers, but he tries his best to seem like he's in control. He tells her she's terrible and she smiles at him to let him know who's in charge, and he smiles back, powerless to her daughter charms. He's a grown man weakened by a teeny tiny princess, and it's just SO FREAKING precious.

So, as far as him coping, he makes it look like he's not being made to "cope" with anything. He's Nike about the whole thing - he just does it, with style, might I add :)

We get stressed, totally. We worry about Dylan starting school and Lylli rounding up boys and everything in between, but Jared handles it with the strength and wisdom of someone well beyond his years.

He's truly a remarkable young man.

I should also mention that two Saturdays a month he goes and shoots airsoft guns with his friends in the woods, or something. The details are fuzzy and sometimes people lose teeth. So...maybe he's not that good at this parenting thing and he's just been shot in the head with pellets too many times to put up much of a protest about giving them horsey rides?

::shrug:: Either way, he's really good at Daddy-ing. <3

-Kel

Question #4. What about Lylli?!

2010-04-07T11:54:00.002-04:00

Lylli. She is one of the most inspiring people in my life... She's spring time and snowflakes and the middle part of an oatmeal pie that makes you squeal with delight. She's the epitome of a teeny tiny person that's "going on twenty," and I know she's already smarter than me, which makes me extremely jealous. I'm practically wrinkling and graying with envy.

I have nightmares about her turning five and suddenly realizing that I make up some of the answers as I go, and I will turn into a sobbing mess knowing full well that her teen-aged-evil years will start before she hits double digits in which she will think that I, naturally, have no freaking idea what she's going through. I clearly see her sitting in the bathroom painting her nails on the sink just like I did as a kid, thinking that I'm lame, emotional, and most concerning, out of touch and wrong.

Yeeps!

I give her a lot of grief because she's spicier than habaneros and she's feistier than Ricky Martin, but she's also extremely compassionate and overwhelmingly intelligent, and even though those traits are enough to make her excel in life, they both pale in comparison to her twisted and hilarious sense of humor.

She helps me do therapy with Dylan, and rubs his back while I put on his jammies, and knows how to give "knuckles" to people and say "PSH!!!" while you do it!

Without turning into an emotionally unstable cry machine while talking about how I lean on my 18 month old for love, support, encouragement, fun and giggles, I'll just say that I thought my heart was totally full when I had Dylan and I couldn't imagine any more room for another child. When I found out I was pregnant with Lylli, I loved her as soon as the line turned blue. I needed her before the pang of nausea. I don't know what I ever did without her to balance my life - she's teaching me how to be fearless!

I need to focus more on my Lyls in this blog, because though we can learn a lot from Dylan handling his autism, we can learn just as much from Lylli, who doesn't give one hoot that her brother has a "disorder." He's simply "Boy!" to her :)

Lylli - I hope one day you read this and are horribly embarrassed and type me some acidic response with you beautiful long fingers (with dark polish, no doubt) and know that even though I'm out of touch and my music is whack, that I love you to itty bitty sparkly peicedsand you realize that I'm a pretty good mom.

-Kel

Ausome? Awetistic? It's Awareness Month!

2010-04-05T20:08:00.006-04:00

This is the first year that I have celebrated Autism Awareness month as it's the first year that I've known about it - having a new diagnosis in your home will suddenly reveal to you endless charity events, fundraisers, books, websites and in my case, the most brilliant awareness ribbon on the market. Helloooo? A multi-colored ribbon with a jigsaw theme to show the complexity of this puzzling disorder...it's practically the new black!

To show my support I have created an "April is Autism Awareness Month, I wear my ribbon for my son!" email signature for my work correspondence. I interact with members of the Chamber of Commerce as well as leaders in the Florida construction market, people who talk and are respected in our community, and I've had a chance to explain Dylan's differences to people whom I would normally never be able to have that conversation with. We usually talk purchase orders, retention schedules and the upcoming Marketing Monday seminar, and now I get to talk about how beautiful my son is. It's extremely refreshing!

Additionally, I'm rocking my sweet ribbon, which I think I may continue to rock well after April is over, and have invested several dollars at Cafe Press for bumper stickers which proudly proclaim that my son has autism, and that I see the potential.

And lastly, I am blogging my ever loving heart out to spread the world about how I don't care if people understand the disorder, I don't care if they are pro-vaccine or anti-gluten, I just want them to accept Dylan and expect from him the same thing that I do: That he will have a full, satisfying life, filled with hilarious twists and turns, surrounded by friends and family whom he loves. I want him to do what he wants to do with his life and I want him to possibly be a musical genius who makes Jared and I millions of dollars. In short - I expect him to have a beautiful and brilliant life.

So, in our very first celebrated Autism Awareness month, I make these promises to my son:

I vow to never underestimate your ability. You have proven me wrong too many times to count.

I will learn to let go and watch you develop without me holding your hand through every encounter because I am terrified that you are going to be scared or confused or overwhelmed. You're always fine. Unless your not...and then I'll step in! ;)

I will protect you without impeding your progress. Unless you start to date a girl who's too sassy and doesn't like my cooking. Then...I will hardcore protect and impede you from her. She's probably stupid and I'm doing you a favor.

I will never be ashamed or uncomfortable talking about your ASD. You and Lylli are my angels, nothing you are could ever stop be from beaming. Who you are is what makes my heart sing.

When you are older and you can tell me how all of this makes you feel, I will tell the world that story, and I will encourage YOU to tell that story, so that other mothers and fathers and sisters and grandparents will be able to hear your wonderful journey. Maybe you could tell tell everyone at the Grammy's while your thanking your father and I for giving you the gift of music...unless that fishstick lovin' Kanye interjects. Clown shoes.

And I promise to love you unconditionally, but that has nothing to do with any disorder. That's every mothers' promise to a child they would do anything for. You and Lylli are the world to me and your father.

I'm off to go put a defiantly sleepy Dylan Bear to bed, you go off an tell someone how you know a fantastic little monkey who was diagnosed with ASD who totally rocks. Open up some minds for us, 1 in 100 kids will need you to bust some knowledge and throw down some science.

Night!
-Kel

Balancing Act

2010-02-23T20:32:00.003-05:00

#3. Do you find it difficult to balance work and home - you talk about a lot of appointments.

Typically I find it very refreshing to play several roles. I like being able to switch hats and be a mom, a wife and a career woman.

I am blessed that my mother keeps both monsters while I work. I probably would have stayed home until the kids were in school if I didn't have that option. She's absolutely amazing with them and the kids completely adore her. Knowing both kids are safe, sound and happy (and giving someone else heck for a change!) frees my mind to tackle goals that I have for myself in the working world.

It can be challenging to navigate through all of my work appointments and meetings for Dylan and dr appointments for both of them and meetings at the Chamber of Commerce and remember everyone's birthdays and bring home adnd the bacon and fry it up in a pan and balance my personal appointment, but Dylan and Lylli always come first. I figure I'll get around to that gynocologist appointment when the kids are in school - I wasn't really looking forward to that anyway ;)

Becuase I have such a solid support system from my husband, family and in-laws, working and momming is a challenge that I enjoy. I learn a lot from each facet of my life and it gives me a unique perspective.

I can handle anything they throw at me at work. I have two toddlers that routinely put syrup in my hair, bang on pots and pans while I do taxes and hide chewed up goldfish in my purse. You can't rattle me at work.

I can handle anything the kids throw at me. I just dealt with a WC investigation for one of my subcontractors on a conference call in which two of the parties involved didn't speak English, the server goes down every month or so and the copier randomly shows the error message "document on glass," when Iassure you there is no document on the glass. You can't stress me out at home.

Sometimes I crack myself up by thinking that my life is so stressful it's as though I'm totally numb to it. It's just another day in a very beautiful and blessed life :)

Working also gives me a chance to wear cute shoes, eat my food while it's hot and not worry that someone is going to wipe snot on my cardigan...

I appreciate all the questions!!

Off to watch Lost, finish a power point presentation, kiss the kids goodnight again and snuggle up with my Jear Bear <3
-Kel, master of many trades :)

Cue & Aye

2010-02-22T11:51:00.003-05:00

I opened up the forum to my Facebook friends and asked that they please give me the opportunity to answer any questions they may have about Dylan's disorder, and to my surprise, I received questions about everything. Good questions, too! Questions about love, life, God, recipes, things to do in Florida, all kinds of stuff! I'm pretty excited to dig in!

I figured that I would answer them randomly, becuase that's how I do.

#1. Are you mad that Dylan has a disorder? Do you feel like he was cheated out of a "normal" life?

Wow. I actually said, "wow," outloud when I read that question. Quite simply, the answer is no on both accounts.

I am nothing short of ecstatic that I get to be his mommy. I absolutely beam every time I walk in the door and see him, same with Lylli. They are my sunshines!

I was very confused when he was first diagnoses, and very sad. That sounds like something a third grader would right, but the truth is that I had no complex emotions...I was just sad for Dylan. Sad because I knew so little about autism, and what I had seen/heard was just bad information. I was sick thinking that he would never have friends, never enjoy a date, never have the thrill of being able to enjoy music, stuck in a world that no one could get into...never love me.

That was what I had been told autism was. A disorder caused by too many vaccines which left a child a shell of their former self.

What a monstrous thing to tell the world..that every child with Autistic Spectrum Disorder is a souless, wandering person with no ability to love or feel.

After spending the next 48 hours after his diagnosis online and making appointments, I realized that ASD is as unique as the childen diagnosed.

My Dylan, our Dylan, is a beautiful and loving little angel. He needs help with his speech and with curbing his repetative behavior, and he's getting it. Not only is he recieving the help, we've seen his improve daily for the last 4-5 months.

So, am I sad? Not a bit. Dylan and his autism are intertwined, just like Lylli and her love of puppies are intertwined...just like OCD and anxiety is a part of my life.

For example, a Kelli is not a Kelli if she doesn't obsess over the food in the pantry being label out, or fuss about havign everything on her desk at 90 degree angles. It's quirky, and it gets in the way sometimes, but it's who I am. I freak out if there are too many people around me, I'll cry if I don't like the layout of a store...and that's me. I am a happy, healthy, loved and loving person and it makes no difference that I have a "disorder" of sorts. I like things neat and tidy and wish we could call "OCD" "CDO" becuase at least then it would be in alphabetical order. Yeah. Welcome to my world ;)

I love everything about Dylan, including his autism. I sincerely consider it a learning difference rather than a disorder, and I have the same expectations for him that I do for Lylli: That they enjoy life, find their soulmate, settle down, and give me grandbabies :)

As far as part two of that question, am he was cheated out of a normal life? I did in the beginning when I wasn't sure what it all meant, but now, no, I'm not worried about that at all. Besides, who wants a "normal" life? I like his quirks, other people with fall in love with his ability to hear something and hum it back immediately, or his gift of never losing his balance! Those things may be his quirks, they may be "autistic" quirks, but I know that they are what Dylan is. I love that about him.

Do we have time for another caller? I think we have time for a short one!

#2. Is Dylan harder to parent than Lylli?

Ha! HAHAHAHHAHA!! Have you MET Lylli?

Dylan listens when I tell him "no," entertains himself and plays well with others, and very rarely has a fit.

Lylli....is a fit.

Don't get me wrong, she makes my heart jump every time she says, "Mommy?" and breaks it every time she finsihes that sentence with, "Get juice," and dismissively waives her hand at me. She's hilarious and I could just eat her up she's so cute, but she is into everything in a way Dylan never was, and she has no sense of danger or fear at all.

I once heard someone say that God gives you the good child first so that you go ahead and have another one. If Lylli had been first...my tubes may have been tied before we got a chance for another one :)

They are both equally funny, sweet, smart and challenging, just in totally different ways.

And that concludes todays session. Keep asking your questions, I'm getting a kick out of answering them!

It's nice to be able to fully and competely answer the questions that I get pretty frequently without being interrupted, I really appreciate the opportunity and the interest!

Sincerely,

Kel

It's Perfect Vampire Weather

2010-02-05T12:52:00.003-05:00

"Sunny" Florida my butt.

I'm a little concerned that when I see commercials for anti-depression medication I nod my head in agreement with every symptom named. Lethargic? Unmotivated? Eating ice cream for dinner because you couldn't find the energy to go the grocery store all week? Yeah. Those all sound about right.

For a brief moment yesterday afternoon the sun shone long enough for me to roll down the windows and drive home - it practically melted the residue from my long and overwhelming work week and I was at peace. I got an energizing preview of summer for ten minutes, but it was soon nothing more than a memory. ::Sigh::

My saving grace today is that it's Friday, and THANK GOD it's Friday. I don't think I can roll out of bed another day while it's still pitch dark out. My body is literally rejecting the idea of unsnuggling with Jared and putting my toesies on the floor to go get dressed.

Jared recently said it looked like Florida (and I might add, all of its inhabitants) look freezer burnt.

Yeah.

That's about right.

I'm going to listen to some Beach Boys and drink some iced tea. Hey - I can pretend. It may be the only thing that stops from me mixing prescription meds in my icecream dinner tonight.

-Kel

I Saw Julie and Julia

2010-01-18T11:33:00.003-05:00

And I want to start a blog that follows Rachel Ray's 30 Minute Meals.

The premise: start cooking her recipes and then as soon as 30 minutes is up, BAM! Put that food on a plate and let's see how much got done.

I will probably save time by saying EVOO and probably lose time by trying to pile 1400 spices, condiments, and kitchen tools in my arms at once instead of making two trips.

I can't tell you how many time I have shouted at my TV with the same passion as my husband watching Monday Night Football, "JUST TAKE TWO TRIPS! TAKE...TWO...TRIIIIPS!!!" ::faint from anger/confusion::

That show should be called, "Middle Aged Women Who Sounds Like an 80 Year Old Smoker Who Piles Too Many Things in Her Troll Arms."

That has a nice ring to it, right?

I actually love her cook books, I've made tons of very sucessful meals at her suggestion, but never in 30 minutes.

The moral of this story is not to let me watch movies based on bloggers' true stories because I will want to make money, money, money blogging random things but won't be able to follow through because I am tired, tired, tired.

Yumm-o,
KelStar

Quarter of a Century

2010-01-11T11:53:00.002-05:00

That's how old I'll be this week. Twenty-freaking-five.

I'm not depressed about getting older, age ain't nothin' but a number, but I am a little freaked out that I have no real desire to celebrate. That's weird, right?

I am planning on going to Epcot with Jared becuase I get my birthday off at work and my birthday day also is date night, so I am VERY, VERY, VERY excited to hang out with Jared all day like we did back in the day, and we are planning on going to Kobe's for dinner, which should be deicious, and then I'm meeting up with my friends so they can all sit around and tell me how with each passing birthday they love me more and more and I'll sit there modestly accepting their praise...but still. I just feel so lackluster this year I don't know what to make of it.

You know what it is? It just hit me as I was typing: A whole day with Jared sounds like bliss...but I am going to miss the kids.

See? LAME! LAME! LAME!! I would be without the kids anyway on date night as we do them on Friday nights. I go straight home from work and Jared and start our evening from there, so I see them bright and early the next morning.

Maybe I can have it both ways, it's my birthday, am I right? Yeah. Of course I am. I rock on my birthday.

I can keep the kids late in the morning bc we don't all have to get up so I can go to work, and I can have a nice, leisurely breakfast with them, and then we can go to the park and play around and run and jump and hug and swing, and then I can bring them to my mom's house after I've had my fun with them :)

Ahhhh, blogging IS theraputic and useful!

And now, I am really looking forward to all of my favorite things packed into one day! Kids, Jared, Disney, sushi, friends and family.

Looks like I'm going to get to have my birthday cake and eat it too :)

Sigining off,
Kelasauras Sen
(get it...cause I'm a dinosaur bc I'm old, and Sen means old in latin... Ugh. Nevermind.)

2010-01-09T22:57:00.002-05:00

After months of dragging Dylan all around Florida for assessments, tests, intakes, and evaluations, we finally have been assigned a speech therapist that will come to my mom's house (where the kids stay while I slave away at my full time job) twice a week to help Dylan beat the boss level in verbal communication.

The best part is that WE LOVE THE THERAPIST. She didn't ignore Dylan, or seem disinterested in him as a person, or vomit up factoids about his disorder, but came in, talked with Dylan and sat on the floor with him while she showed him how to use a couple of toys and even let Lylli join in the fun.

Even more importantly, Dylan clearly liked her. He sat his bear butt right next to her and watched her show him what to do.

I stayed up Wednesday terrified that they wouldn't approve his therapy. I was completely scared to death they would tell me that we would get a therapist when he turned three, but instead of my worst fears being confirmed, God sent us this angel. I know this is insane sounding, but I already know that she is going to be a vital force in helping Dylan. My mom and I agreed that she just seem to radiate good vibes - I wanted to hug her as soon as she walked in. I hope I'm making her Christmas cookies next year thanking her for all of her hard work with Dylan!

The day after we met our speech therapist, I got a call that they had also approved him for early intervention therapy once a week, also at my mother's house. I calmly took the phone call and told my service coorindator how much I appreciated these therapy sessions and how I excited I was to move forward, hung up the phone, and squeeled in my office like a little kid! I laughed, I cried, I whispered, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you," to God and called Jared barely able to contain my excitement.

Therapy. Finally. :)

I have a couple of appointments that I have to take care of before he turns three, and I'm already annoyed by that, but at least I have the stuff that matters out of the way.

It's exhausting to be a parent. Sheesh :)

Today Jared made his delicious signature blueberry pancakes again. They were so good I honestly swooned when I took the first bite. Seriously one of the best things I've ever eaten.

We spent the rest of the morning fantasizing about owning a pancake shop where we serve nothing but these bomb pancakes. All we do is pancakes. Best pancakes ever. And coffee. (of course.)

Who knows, one day we may own a pancake shop where I serve gourmet coffee and we sponser community events and we open at 4am the day after Thanksgiving and give free yummy coffee to all of the early shoppers thus cementing ourselve's as a family owned landmark in the greater Brandon area.

Yeah...we talked about it for a while :) There would also be wi-fi and and I would read children books to a group of kids twice a week.

Ahhh, maybe one day. For now, I'll take us both having steady, good jobs in this beautiful economic climate and free speech/intervention therapy courtesy of the United States government.

I'm going to drink my bottled water and toast the internet readers to fantasy pancake shops and real world angels in the form of therapist. ::Clink!::
-Kel

Resolutions. I've been keeping them.

2010-01-05T21:35:00.002-05:00

Starting with my blog, yo.

Tonight's successes include coloring with both kids at the same time with no one choking on Crayola products, and making the time to update my blog of these successess.

Baby steps.

The big news in our life this week is that Dylan starts his speech/early intervention therapy on Thursday. I am thrilled to have finally Rambo'd our way through all of the red tape to actually get a therapist, and I can't wait to give Dylan more of the tools that will help him grow, but I really don't know what to expect which makes me a little nervous.

His therapist seemed great on the phone and I have heard really good things, so here's hoping she and Dylan are a good team.

In unrelated news, Lylli said "guitar!" today while Jared jammed for both of them and danced her little uncoordinated heart out.

We also had this exchange after I drew a picture of what I thought was a perfectly decent looking puppy:

Me: Look Lyl! What did Mommy draw?
Lylli: (dryly, not a hint of interest) Picture.
Me: That's right! And what is the picture of?
Lylli: (clearly disgusted) A baby?
Me: That's not a baby! What did Mommy draw?
Lylli: (Withdrawn. Dissapointed with her mother's artistic ability.) A puppy. (Long pause. Deep sigh.) A puppy,
Me: Well...I thought it was a pretty good puppy.
Lylli: (Stares in the distance as she places stickers over the puppy's face.)
Me: I'm just goingto clean up now....

When you can't impress a one year old, it's time to admit that you suck at drawing puppies.

I thought my flowers were pretty good though! Better than what her barely capable little hands were drawing. And she had the audicity to call what she drew "circles?" She only mastered HOLDING the crayon about a month ago! Who is she to judge my work!?

Pompous child.

Off to bed to snuggle up in this chilly weather!

-Kel

How long until people stop saying, O-10, you think?

2010-01-03T15:32:00.005-05:00

This new year has already been the easiest transition into a new year that I have ever experienced. No new baby, no new medical diagnosis, no new job....no new ANYTHING, just a steady ascent into happiness which is something I desperately needed.

I happily realized that I did a bang up job with my resolutions from last year, except for getting my 6 pack back and getting that 10K in savings, however, we now at least HAVE an active savings account which often stands at higher than the minimum balance of 5 bucks. I consider this a success! We's in a recession, yo!

As for my abs, I look awesome if I lie down flat. I'll work on getting my prebaby body back fo' sho', but I think I can use the, "I had two babies!" excuse forever and always. Thanks, kids!

My resolutions this year are very achievable, and since the chaos has slowed from all-out-insanity to mildly crazy, I have time to really dedicate this year to improving the whole world. I'm grand like that.

Here we go:

Get that 10K in savings. Mama wants to buy a house.

Ignore Jared's food requests and go through my cookbooks and make healthy things that the kids and I will eat. Jared always comes around in the end, he just doesn't know he likes certain things. He thought he hated coffee and sushi when we first got married. So stupid. I'm tired of making that boy shrimp and pasta!

Dedicate time daily to this blog. I can't raise awareness about advocacy at all if I don't take the time to, you know, advocate.

Keep a prayer journal. I was going to do this online, but I think for my prayer life I want to get old school with it. This is something I did when I was younger, and I really enjoyed that. I subscribed to email devotionals to jump start this, and all in all, I want to spend more time growing in God. It makes me a happier more balanced rockstar.

Spend more time doing charity work now that the kids' schedule allows me free time. I am so freaking blessed it's ridiculous. I've done a pretty good job of starting this earlier this year, but I need to keep up with it and not be complacent.

Start my etsy shop. For real. I'm like....10 months over due on that.

Take my boss's advice and stop taking work so personally. I am so emotionally invested it's out of control. I need to step back and just let work be work.

And as always -

Be a better wife.

Be a better mother.

Be a better daughter.

Be a better sister.

So far, this new year has had a very nice start despite the fact that everytime I talk about a tranision from 2009 to 2010 I say, "from 0-nine to 0-ten " I gotta stop that....

Seriously, 10K in savings peeps.

Happy New Year!!

-KelStar

Being Thankful. It's Cool.

2009-11-25T11:19:00.003-05:00

I've decided to stop complaining, which is unfortunate, beause it's actually one of my biggest talents.

I've decided that I have no right to say anything but positive things about my life and the direction that it's heading.

I'm blogging from my work, which pays the bills, listening to Borderline by Madonna and devouring a buffalo chicken burger and Diet Mountain Dew. I have fierce hair, an even fiercer husband, and really...I just have no right to not be rainbows and sunshine.

I think I'm finally at a place where I can acklowledge when I am stressed or annoyed, but I'm understanding every day how good I have it and how easy my life is most of the time.

Work or Dylan are the two biggest stresses in my life. Work becuase...it's work and I'm expected to be a rockstar full of sunshine who never messes up and keeps her emotions in check, and Dylan becuase he's my Boo Boo Butt and I want to give him all the help he needs to have a happy life, despite his ASD.

I have found a way to relax at work - we just moved offices, so I am much further away from the hustle and bustle of the office and the constant interuptions, and I can play my music louder than a whisper and not offend anyone with my love of Prince at 7am.

God has really blessed me for no reason, I certianly haven't done anything to have all the wonderful things that I have, and I need to be more deliberately thankful for the one million reasons that I smile.

Thansgiving I will probably be too busy with...well, Thanksgiving, to write a post, so this counts. The older I get, the higher this holiday ranks on the Kelli Top Ten of Good Things. I love a holiday dedicated to reflecting on our blessings and the older the kids get, the more I see how fast life happens.

To my husband who fixes me, has proven himself the most hilarious person alive, and who makes me breakfast every weekend, to my Dylan who makes hope tangible and humor heartfelt, my Lylli for teaching me new tricks, my mom for giving me an example too good to match, my dad for always knowing what to do, (with leftovers or with life,) my youngest brother for making me rethink what's cool, my middle brother for always knowing what to say to make me laugh at innappropriate things, my inlaws for having my children's best intertest in their hearts, and my friends, who truly, truly are the family that I chose - a most sincere thank you.

This lucky lady's out, much love to all you this holiday season!
-Kel

The Crusades

2009-11-03T12:41:00.003-05:00

Dylan - He's lovely and beatiful and talented and charming and clever and sweet and sneaky and trouble and funny.

I want to raise awareness that children who have Autistic Spectrum Disorder can be all of those things.

I see autism being marketed in this package in which my sweet angel does not fit. When I tell strangers that Dylan has austim, they either look at me in pity and wonder how I keep it together raising a special needs child, or wonder if he can solve a rubic's cube in 10 seconds.

I try and make an impact on these people one at a time by sharing what a blessing it is to be this little monster's mommy, in the hope that they will know that autistic children are not monsters with vacant stares and hateful hearts.

My child is a brilliant smile with observant bright eyes and the best hugs kisses you have ever had.

I don't know when it became poplular to make autism the new worst fear for parents, but I'm doing what I can to change minds about this.

Are there those cases? Absolutely. But to have parents hear a diagnosis and think their child will never love them and never enjoy life... that's disgusting.

I want to be that supportive figure for other parents that I didn't have when Dylan's neurologist looked at me and matter of factly told me that he was PDD. I want parents to know that we are lucky to have these differently wired children. Every success with our child means so much more than every success any other parent of a typical child can experience.

Our autistic kids make us better people who are capable of feeling so much more pride, so much more...everything. We have to work so hard for that first word and for that first real connection. It's worth it.

So, I am going to need to become even more informed with all the resources that are available to me to be the beacon of hope that Dylan needs to me to be. Dylan deserves a world that doesn't pity him or fear him, but that respects him and accepts him.

I'm not going to let my Bear down. Every mother out there knows that feeling. You cannot/will not let your baby down.

While I'm crusading, I should probably start a Lylli Tolerance League or something, my mom would sign the petition immediately :) If we're being honest here, I need pity and sympathy for raising THAT kid.

Working on making a difference for my sweet and sour babies,

*Kel

Much Needed Update

2009-10-16T19:38:00.003-04:00

Okay, so it's been a little while.

I'm a working mom with a full schedule who can't pee when the kids are awake without having one of them want to sit on my lap while I tinkle; cut me some slack.

Updates on D: He is doing fabulously. He is showing signs of improvement every single day, and I am learning how to teach him in ways that are better for D*Bears.

We have been taking family walks every evening which has been an excellent opportunity to show both kids all kinds of goodies that God sprinkled all over our neighborhood. Squirrels, trees, cats, dogs, cars - all these things are catching his eye more and more, and his understanding of the world is becoming more clear with every thing we show him.

I am now at a very happy place where I do not think that autism has claimed his soul or his personality, but I am seeing that D and his ASD are completely intertwined in each other. I wouldn't take any part of my special and remarkable young man away from him. He's perfect, and he's awesome, and he's everything any mother would want in a toddler.

Our big breakthroughs lately:
He understands what his shoes are and where they go, and now and then, he'll even say the word "shoes!"
He says, "Good job!" or "Great job!" when he does something he should, (or when he steals Lylli's toys, which is HILARIOUS.)
He knows what I am saying when I tell him to open the front door, or turn on the water for brushing his teeth
He is imitating everyone around him

Thanks to my mother's endless patience and love for him, the routines that we have established at home are continued during the time when his wonderful Mima has him while J and I work.

As if it wasn't hard enough to live up to the type of mother my mom was, now I have to live up to the type of grandmother she is!! I can't win!! Thanks for setting the bar so high that I can't possibly outshine you, Mom ;)

More on how I detest the media portrayal of ASD at a later date, it's an entry all it's own, but suffice it to say that whatever you have heard about all children with Autistic Spectrum Disorder being unemotional behaviorally impaired brats, misfits or spiritless children is not only appalling but it couldn't be further from the truth.

There is no one sweeter than my D. I have more kisses and hugs and licks ( yes, licks...I'll take it,) than I have a right to!

All in all, the kid's a rockstar, as if there was any doubt, and we are moving along nicely.

We are waiting to hear back about when they can get him into speech therapy, but his assessment went very well, and we took him off of the gluten free diet because I swear the kid is allergic to the absence of gluten. It made him do things in his diaper that wouldn't resonate with you if I only put it in words.

I'll leave it at that.

Speaking of terrible, terrible things, today is Lylli's Birthday! HOORAY!! We all survived the first year!

Tomorrow is her Tinkerberll themed birthday party, and I am beside myself with excitement and bittersweet nostalgia.

She should get her own post about how awesome her birthday is, eh? Yeah. She deserves it.

That's my clever way of telling you all that I'm heading downstairs to pound pizza and pepsi and with my very bearded J*Rock before we cuddle up for a night of Mythbusters and more pizza.

One love,
Kel*Star

My Son Kisses Like He's a Dog

2009-09-07T19:58:00.003-04:00

D Bear gave me honest-to-goodness real kisses just now <3!!!

He usually just licks my cheeks or gets his lips really wet and drags them across my face. If you think that sounds gross, you haven't felt the loving gaze in his eyes as he preciously slobbers all over you - they're the best kisses.

This is a happy step for us! He's learning more and more every day, and I must say, as much I adore his saliva on my forehead, I'll take the new and improved smackers, too.

I'm off to bed a very happy, properly kissed mommy.
-Kel

Shennanigans With Gluten

2009-09-05T20:25:00.003-04:00

Day two of D's gluten free diet. I have nothing to report except for that I am surprised at how convenient gluten free shopping is these days. I have a special aisle in my Publix full of allergen free goodies, and none of them suck!

So far, the animal crackers, vanilla cookies, waffles and puff cereal bars have all been a big hit! Plus, I'm learning that there are tons of things that he already eats that are naturally gluten free, like gummi bears, fruit snacks and yogurt.

I wasn't a huge fan of the bread I tried, so I'm going to try and make my own. We'll see how that goes since I either burn or really burn everything I cook.

Of course, Tink is a big fan of all of D*Bear's new snacks too. That girl would eat rocks.

In other breaking news, I kicked my husband's bootay in ski-ball today at the mall. The kids looked on in awe as I demonstrated my masterful technique and then triumphantly wrapped all the prize tickets around my neck. They were so proud of me.

J, of course, thought the machine was rigged and not scoring properly. Whatev, clown shoes. I am the one who is rigged. With talent.

Off to flex my arcade muscles and see about getting a snack loaded with gluten and fat.

-Kel

I'm At Least As Good A Mother As Ben Stiller

2009-08-31T20:12:00.002-04:00

There is no greater pleasure in this world then soothing your child(ren) to sleep.

And it's not just because they finally just shut the crap up for a second so you can have a moment of peace. Unless it's my daughter...and then I'm not sure if the greater joy is soothing her to sleep or just putting her in a cage in her bedroom which we euphemistically call a "crib."

Tinkerbell was a terrible sleeper up until a coworker of mine, probably after hearing me go on and on about how I was never getting any sleep and watching me pour 5-hour Energy into a Red Bull for breakfast, highly recommended to me both Healthy Sleep Habits - Happy Child, and The Sleep Easy Solution. That was one of the best days of my life.

I went with The Sleep Easy Solution because it was endorsed by Ben Stiller. If Zoolander can put his spawn to sleep, so can the hubby and I. I shan't think of the mother I would be if my parenting skills were not up to par with the lead male role in Heavyweights.

The Sleep Easy Solution is an alternative to the cry/whine it out method, which I just couldn't handle. If it worked for you and your kids, that's awesome and I'm happy for you! No judgment here, I'm all about doing what makes the babies happy and healthy and what keeps the parents sane, it just wasn't something I was game for.

Sparing you the step by steps, you basically take about a week to prep and adjust your night terror's sleep association so (s)he learns to self-soothe. Pretty soon you're putting the kids down and then celebrating the rest of the evening because those monsters are out for the whole night! A true success story in our house, Tink slept through the night on night two.

This is polar opposite from what it was...while D*Bear was the poster boy for good sleeping habits, his sister was up every 45 minutes being a little cry baby about everything, and when she wasn't waking up, she was restlessly sleeping and grunting. So ladylike.

I should have taken pictures of what I looked like when I walked into work every morning at 7am. How I stayed employed while looking the constant hot mess and blabbing to anyone who would listen about how little sleep I got is beyond me.

Coworker: Kel, did you get a chance to [insert boring work task here?]

Me: Oh, I don't know, well rested coworker with your stupid bright eyes and your obnoxious bushy tail. How about YOU live MY life last night with only 1 1/2 UNCONSECUTIVE hours of sleep and YOU tell ME if at this early hour YOU would have finished it.

Coworker: It's 3:30pm.

Me: I didn't get any sleep last night.

Repeat. All day. Every day.

Which brings me back to my point. There is no greater joy or pure bliss than putting your sweet baby angel in her crib, kissing her on the forehead, and watching her drift gently and peacefully sleep.

However, I suppose that joy is matched by tucking in your baby bear boy and singing Coldplay, Nada Surf, and old church hymns from your childhood, (which all of a sudden inspire you) for ten minutes while rubbing his back and watching the long eyelashes that he got from his daddy slowly meet.

Bedtime in this house is a sweet memory that I tuck away in the part of my brain that is quick to anger and frustration so I can take it out and make that moment seem as silly...as...well..Ben Stiller as the lead in a movie about supermodels.

Off to wind down for nighty-night myself,
Kel

Yin and Yang

2009-08-22T21:01:00.003-04:00

My husband J and I could not be more proud to be D*Bear's parents, no matter where this winding and uncertain road may take us.

It's such an overwhelming feeling to know that God could have blessed anyone He wanted to with D's precious smiles, hilarious high-energy and angelic disposition, but he chose us. We're doing all we can to show how much we appreciate this gift - I can't imagine feeling any more joy about any other child in the world.

Except for maybe our daughter Tinkerbell, but that's up in the air ;)

Tinkerbell is 10 months old, and is a walking, talking, hot mess. She crawled early, walked at 9 months, and if there is another baby who can keep you on your toes the way that she can, I would like to meet this child so I feel better about how ragged Tink runs me.

She chokes on something twice a day, (at least!) and I see many frantic poison control calls in my future with her.

We could not have two more different children. While D is sweet natured, cuddly, and passive, Tink is a dramatic, demanding...diva? Can you say "diva" about a 10 month old? I'm her mom, I can say it. Child is out of her mind. The only thing that saves her booty is that smile. ::melt:: That four toothed smile. It's all I can do not to tear up just THINKING about it, and she knows it.

She loves her brother, completely infatuated with him, his toys and his snacks. Come to think of it, maybe we have been wrong all along about her motives for adoration with D. Maybe she just wants his things. That's actually much more up her alley.

To continue, I met up with my mom, dad and younger brother and took the minis to Downtown Disney today and we had a blast! The kids loved it!

D*Bear news - I pointed to a balloon, a tree and an elephant and he looked at what I was pointing at. This is a great milestone for a person with PDD! He knows I am showing him something and he is looking to see what it is. Success!

D loved everything, but was especially impressed with a snow globe (that I ended up buying him) and all the waterfalls and fish. Rainforest Cafe was a hit! We took pictures of him with his favorite character, Tigger, and ate a very good lunch. (Also great news!)

Tink pitched a righteouw fit in McDonald's so terrible that families surrounding us this afternoon will always be able to say, "at least they don't act like that diva in McDonald's during The Trantum of 2009," and I had visions of strapping her to the community changing table and walking away.

Lucky for her, she smiled at me at the last minute.

The First Post is the Deepest

2009-08-21T21:26:00.003-04:00

Today was a day that changed my life - in a different way than my wedding day or the birth of either of my womb monsters could change my life.

My two year old angel, D*Bear, was diagnosed with Pervasive Development Disorder. This is basically a very nice way of saying that he has autistic traits, but is still to young and his future too unpredictable to have the 100% diagnosis of "autistic."

PDD is different for everyone, and for my sweet baby boy it is characterized by this:
Speech delay
Development delay (has trouble understanding commands, stresses easily)
Repetitive behavior
Unimaginative play

For my guy, that's basically it. He does not have several of the traits characterized by autism such as:
Emotional disconnect
Lack of eye contact
Lack of social interaction
Inability to understand facial expressions
Inability to understand simple commands (No! for instance. He's got that one down.)

D*Bear, on the surface, seems like a very typical two year old who happens to be taking his time talking, but once you spend anytime with him at all, you will soon notice that he spins everything; wheels on cars, blocks, toys, basically everything but books. He also seems less attentive than your average toddler, but emotionally, seems on par, if not more in tune than his peers.

I am an extremely lucky mother. D*Bear is truly the epitome of the purest form of joy, and I wouldn't trade my experiences with him for anything. I wouldn't take a "normal" child for anything. My D may have developmental struggles ahead, but one day of working diligently to finally hear him say, "All done!" is better than one million days rolling around in all the stimulus package money Obama has to offer!

You other mother's feel like that too, I imagine. No matter what the struggle, I'd rather struggle with my cutie pie than be on cloud nine with another child with no learning/behavior issues. My child rocks. My son is awesome.

So, today is day one of being the mother of a child with a learning difference. Well, hour 11 to be exact. I can't say that I am at all surprised by this diagnosis, and while it took the wind right out of my sails att first to hear a doctor confirm our concerns, now I feel an almost euphoric peace.

Now I know what I am dealing with. Now I can tackle it. Now I can save my son.

After spending an hour crying myself silly while both my son and my 10 month old daughter (more on my Tinkerbell later,) slept, I sobbed to my amazing (and sexy) husband over the phone, and with his ever soothing voice and endless encouragement, I realized that we can tackle this together.

We can beat this. I just know we can. There has never been a more determined or purposed moment in my life. I'm going to slay his disorder, and we are going to set my son free.

Don't get me wrong - I'm no all powerful force, but I have all my faith in my omnipotent and merciful of God, and I have the most amazing group of friends and family than anyone could assemble, and we are going to win.

I have heard countless times in the weeks leading up to this appointment that God would never put more or me than I could bear. This made me feel so weak...so helpless. I feel like "I have more on me than I can bear!!," I wanted to scream, "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!" Then I started researching...that verse is a huge misquote. It's nowhere is The Bible at all.
(just one of many sources:http://www.ronedmondson.com/2009/03/god-will-allow-more-than-you-can-bear.html)

So, I realized this: of course God puts more on us than we can bear. That's why we need him. In this moment tonight when I realized that I don't have to be impossibly strong, and that I can call upon my Father in Heaven, relief washed over me. I literally felt my nerves from head to toe calm down.

I am putting this in God's hands, and I will do my absolute best to keep my heart open and listen to what steps I need to make to allow God to heal my D Bear.

God is going to bring D out of this. I don't know His time and I don't know His reasons, but I know I capitalize every first letter of every name I refer to Him by, and that makes Him a pretty big deal.

As I sign off tonight, I sign off excited for this new chapter in my family's life, and more rejuvenated and full of worship than I have been in long while. I am obviously saddened that my child would ever have to deal with anything but rainbows and ice cream, but I know that this is not the end of the world.

This is the first day of my new life, a life of a mother with beautiful family, not so different than the day before it.

My husband and I have a lot of research to do, a lot of evaluations and therapy to attend, and a of prayers to pound out.

Praise God that I have a Lord and Savior who can put too much on me, because he will allow me to give those burdens to him. The comfort and the peace that comes from that is breathtaking.

More to come on D Bears progress, including speech therapy, socialization, and even a gluten free diet.

Next time I'll introduce you to my daughter. She's unbelievable. You'll love her.

Zip it up and zip it out,
Kel